It occurred as a sudden flash through my mind recently. My biggest fear about writing my book Through Frankie’s Eyes (which I’ll release early 2013) actually came true. It hit my heart with a thud. I knew I wanted to write this book. I knew I was ready. Sentences and chapter ideas had swirled through my mind for months. But I couldn’t bring myself to put my fingers upon the keyboard and start writing.
I remember being stumped and somewhat paralyzed about this two summers ago. What is holding me back? I wondered. I talked it over with another friend who is a writer. She suggested calling a mutual friend, Lynne, who is also a writer, but also a spiritual healer with an alternative healing practice. She thought perhaps I should go see her.
It is so interesting how small the world truly is. I met Lynne at a writing conference a few years before. Then I discovered author, Mary Shafer on the internet, who wrote Almost Perfect: Disabled Pets and the People Who Love Them. Long story, short, Mary is originally from Wisconsin and now lives in Pennsylvania, but she went to high school with Lynne.
I made the hour and a half trip two weeks later to see Lynne at her practice. I had no idea what to expect , and I was a bit nervous. But Lynne is a very kind and caring person, and she made me feel right at home. She took me through a meditation which at first as we began I was not sure how that was going to help.
As I made my way to a favorite place in my mind, as Lynne guided me, I went to a place that I felt safe. In that place, I was told to look for my angel. I looked and looked but could not find an angel. I thought perhaps there was something wrong with me. But I did see someone, but was afraid to say. After more guidance from Lynne, she said, “Do you see anyone’?”
I said, “Yes, I see God. I don’t see a face, but I sense it is God.”
As she guided me through the meditation asking me some very personal questions, it was finally revealed with a rush of tears why I was fearful of writing my book. I was afraid Frankie would die. I felt if she did, I would not be strong enough to finish and that I couldn’t possibly go on.
As this thought came as a flash through my mind recently, I felt my heart fall to my feet. But only for a brief moment. While I have for the most part finished the majority of the writing of my book, Frankie was my guide the whole time, lying at my feet. I know now what a gift that was to have her with me. It was all part of the divine plan.
As I wrote my story, I felt something in me shifting and transitioning. I knew my life as it was, with the work I did with Frankie for the last five years, was changing. While that was hard at times to accept, I was learning to find peace in another step in my evolution, reminding myself, to be open to the next leg in my journey.
Looking back, I’m glad I faced the fear and didn’t stuff it down. If I had let fear win, I don’t think my book would have been written. Though I find I am now resisting writing the afterword, I have faith I will come to my computer soon enough. I trust I’ll spill the words onto the blank screen to complete the last piece of work that will be full circle in my journey with Frankie.
As I drove home from some errands today, the clouds in the sky were heavenly. I thought about what my friend said to me– that heaven is all around us. To me that means our loved ones now gone are really not gone, but all around us if we choose to be open to that. I am, and I know Frankie is all around me. As I gave that more thought I then had this very strong sense of Frankie running circles around me, almost flying, without her wheels. She ran and ran, happy as could be, round and round as if enveloping my heart letting me know she is okay. I smiled… and I know it is was her way of reminding me that I can do this and write the afterword and that the plan as it is meant to be is unfolding just as it should.