When I first began writing back in 2006, I wrote mostly about the human-animal bond. I wrote to share my love of animals and the wisdom they brought me, and will continue to do so, though my writing has broadened over the years.
When I wrote and published my first two children’s books, I was on a mission to help others see paralyzed dogs in a new way – not out of pity – but one in which understanding they could live a quality of life and in a wheelchair if need be, just like my dachshund Frankie was doing at the time. Along with that, I saw that Frankie could be a positive example to children and adults and guide them to see their challenges in a new light.
Much of that focus was about getting the word out and involved much marketing on my part. While I cringed at the thought of marketing in previous work I’d done, this was different, and came from a passion of what I felt was my calling to share at that time.
When Frankie died and then my next dachshund died a few short months later, I knew in my heart I was in transition. Oftentimes I felt lost. My writing then became more about me expressing myself to help me work through the challenges I was going through.
It became clear that this is something I was meant to expand into and understanding that in transitional moments in one’s life there are often gifts within them. Though not always necessarily easy to see when in the thick of it.
How often I struggled with my identity, afraid to let go of what many have come to see me as in the paralyzed and wheelchair dog world, being an advocate, but also knowing I was evolving. While I didn’t always share the difficulties of some of the inner struggles I faced, I knew I had to keep writing – even if just here on my blog – and no one else was reading my thoughts.
But also in being honest, there are times I have wondered, Is anyone out there? Am I having an impact like I did with Frankie? Are other’s reading what I’ve written? Does it resonate with anyone?
But yet, I had to keep writing, even if just for me. So often it was, and continues to be, my way of expressing how I feel. In a world that is noisy and one where truly we all just wish to be heard, I know my writing has served me well in this way. I’m grateful for the self-expression and grateful for how this medium has helped me grow in so many ways.
I continue to make progress on the new memoir I’m working on (YAY!). What is interesting is that this is the first book I’m putting so much less pressure on myself than in the past. I’m also writing in a way I’d not done before. This time, I’m just dumping out everything on the page. In the past my perfectionist would kick in and I’d stop to edit or re-work sections. Though I sometimes still catch myself wanting to do this, I forge ahead reminding myself it can wait. I’m also not overly concerned with who my audience is right now either, even though you’ll hear via the industry standard this isn’t the “right” way to do this.
But trusting what feels right to my process is what I’m leaning into. I trust also it will all take shape when I begin to sift the words and sentences in a more defined way after the first draft is complete. While I had concerns about who my audience has been in the past, and that they may not be the same with this book, I’m at a much more peaceful place about that now too.
And then this morning I read this beautiful comment from reader, Alexa, in response to what I wrote about yesterday on my blog …and I lit up from the inside out, because this…this is the woman…like me…who I write to…
Learning to feel safe to opening my heart when in therapy. Until a couple of months ago, whenever i talked about childhood hurts it was without feeling. like i was reading the back of a cereal box.
Now I cry sometimes as I truly connect with the child I was. I’m learning to give comfort and love to the little girl I was. It’s like the adult me is reaching out to my child self. I feel as though I am passing thru from one place to another. For the first time ever I trust myself to feel the pain instead of burying it or just muddling thru. I can say I’m strong enough and know deeply that I am.
Barb..your blog means so much to me. Your willingness to share. to be true to your self. I don’t know the why of it or how to put it into words but thru reading your words over the passage of time, I have been expanding,opening. I just hadn’t realized it until I cried during a therapy session. Healing tears. reading your words, your journey, I have been beginning my own.
While I began to express myself to make a difference and be heard, there came a point when I knew I had to keep writing even if just for me. But when this happens and I’ve touched a chord in someone else, like I did Alexa, well then, this is sweet, delicious, icing on the cake…and feeds my soul to keep going with my book on those days when I am not so sure and those pesky doubts try to creep in.
So thank you, Alexa, and all of you who continue to walk this ever-evolving transformational journey with me.
XO,
Barbara
