I watched as he slid the white envelope across the counter containing a set of keys.

Keys to where he is no longer permitted to enter. It’s been over a year now.

His heart is mending and this was his final step of letting go.

A man of great integrity, a strong work ethic, and very trustworthy, found his heart in a place he never expected it to be.

My heart broke that day over a year ago, too. And I never thought it would stitch itself back together again. But with time, it has  — though there is still a lingering now and then of sorrow and “what if?”.  But with this came blessings I never expected, too.

But as I watched him hand over the keys it was the hurt in his heart that I knew was there that broke mine all over again.

To see someone you love to have struggled through a heartache, I think, is harder than ones own heartbreak.

Perhaps because I know in the depth of my bones that he gave of himself 200% and gave from a place inside him that I think even surprised himself is what makes it that much harder to bear.

But it was a relationship with someone we both loved that went astray that we each worked our way through — on our own, and together….and how the blessings revealed themselves as they always do if you look hard enough.

As we drove home last night, the headlights of oncoming cars lighting up his face, I saw etched in the lines of his face a sadness that will likely always be there.

It can never be erased.

We held hands. And I wished I could take away all the hurt he endured.

But the blessing is that he became stronger. He opened his heart in a way he never thought he would, and one can never have regrets for that.

I saw a side of a man I’d not seen before and it made me love him even more. And our marriage became even more deeply connected because of it.

These are the blessings that came from two broken hearts. This awareness of how fragile life really is that guided us through the pain.

The heart of the matter, though in some ways we may never have answers to some questions– what we do know is that we evolved into a stronger couple — we walked the road of disappointment and hurt together — and the gift of it is that we now love one another more deeply.

I haven’t put up a “real” Christmas tree in years. I did somewhat miss it this year — perhaps next year I’ll break out of my pattern and put up a real one. Will see.

But I do love my branch tree, which stays up all year long. I just change out the decorations for the different holidays.  Sure is much simpler!

We used to have a gal come clean once a month and she called it my “Martha Stewart” tree and it often gave her grief when she tried to dust around it. But I’ve come to really love this branch tree of mine.

I’ve come to love being more simplistic in many areas of my life and it’s hard to believe at one time I had eight large Rubbermaid containers stuffed full of Christmas decorations. I now have two.

I can’t imagine not putting up any holiday decorations as it is a creative outlet for me. And of course, a few have sentimental value, so they bring back special memories.

But since paring down over the years I’ve actually found more joy in the few items I do put up.

I hope you will enjoy this little tour around what I call my cottage in the city and my living room.

And no cottage would be complete without a roaring fire in the fireplace, right?  Well, okay, true confession. While we do have a woodburning stove, it’s been way too warm this winter to burn wood. This photo is actually a fireplace DVD playing on our TV I bought for the “effect.” It is amazing how well it does for ambiance though I do miss the smell of a woodstove burning!

Wishing you each a warm, cozy, and blessed Christmas!

I was thinking about the days I worked in the corporate world and how fun the days before Christmas were. It was fun exchanging gifts with my co-workers and being in the Christmas spirit with them.

But when one works alone, well, you have to make your own fun and find the spirit in your own way.

I admit I was feeling a bit blue this morning, alone in my writing cottage. But then I caught some action outside my window of the little chickadee’s happily enjoying the gift of peanut butter and seed I made for them.

I had bought these two wreaths a few weeks ago that came with feed already on them. But I’ve refilled them twice now making my own feed to keep my feathered friends happy.

And then I realized, these are my new co-workers (along with Gidget and Kylie, that is!) and I instantly didn’t feel alone.

I really do enjoy a lot of time alone, but once and awhile, it can feel lonely working by myself.  But then the birds reminded me today that I’m never really ever alone.

And I always have the choice to get out and about…which I plan to do shortly with a trip to the post office and then to our local deli for a bite of lunch.

As for that other co-worker of mine… she is snoring like nobodies business today!  Not naming names here, but her name starts with a G.