On Sunday afternoon, my right eye became quite swollen. Monday morning I could barely open my eye as it was so puffy. I’ve been battling something going on with it since mid-October, trying all sorts of remedies to try to get rid of the redness, itching, and flaking on the lid of my eye.
I ended up going to urgent care yesterday morning and the doctor felt it is an allergic reaction to something and gave me some steroid creme to use. I’m hoping that’s the answer to this mystery, as the creme has helped with the swelling. Time will tell.
But it’s been an interesting process for me in terms of acceptance…and going out into the world without eye make-up on. I can honestly say that years ago I would not have ventured out, afraid for others to see me without make-up. Silly and trivial perhaps with so many more issues in much need of attention these days- but I’m pretty sure I’m not alone on this.
Our society places so much value on beauty, or what is perceived as – something I’ve wrestled with and worked through many layers of my own self-consciousness of for many years.
Just last night I watched a make-up video of a new mascara promising to give us those long, long lashes, so many wish for. I found myself getting depressed watching, not being able to wear make-up right now. I went to wash my face for the night and John walked in the bathroom as I was looking in the mirror.
I said, “I’m so ugly right now!”
And then I caught myself. I was beating myself up. It didn’t feel good. I didn’t want to do that. I’m still me, red, swollen eye and all. I am not my looks. I am my heart.
And it brings me back to the issues that need our attention right now in this world. It’s about re-framing our language. It’s about accepting all the parts of ourselves. It’s about healing the wounds we have of buying into what is perceived as true beauty and what makes a person beautiful.
So while not wearing make-up and being self-conscious about it may seem trivial, it really is much deeper. It’s about the fear of being judged. Of feeling not pretty enough. Or feeling not good enough.
It’s owning those fears and knowing they are false. That I am good enough. That I am enough. Make-up or not.
And as I got ready to meet a friend for lunch today, I stepped into my confidence shoes and walked proudly into the cafe.,, And had the most wonderful, uplifting, inspiring lunch with my friend, Connie. Something I would have missed out on had I let fear get in the way.
And this…this is what matters. Connecting. Sharing. And accepting others for who they are and where they are at. That is real beauty to me.
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