I just need to write about something that is bothering me.

Yesterday I posted pictures of our three nieces that graduated from high school on Sunday. A comment from someone said that she hoped they all become models or movie stars.  I know she meant well as yes, I think they are all beautiful. Though I added they are beautiful inside, as well.

But still, it bothered me. I’ve been thinking about it and I know part of it is an old wound of mine. But I think if we are also honest we know that this is still part of how our culture sees women at times. Though I do think it is slowly getting better – but we have a long way to go.

It brought up for me a memory that took me a long time to move through. I don’t think it is one I’ve ever shared in my writing before. Perhaps I was meant to today.

I was working a dream job when I got out of 2-year tech college having graduated with a Fashion Merchandising/Marketing degree. I had only worked at Kohl’s department store for six months when the job of Visual Merchandiser opened up. I applied and got the job and for the next twelve years I dressed the mannequins in the latest styles and was responsible for merchandising the many different departments. I loved that job. And in my humble opinion, I was good at it. It came very naturally to me.

One year there was a display contest among all the visual merchandiser’s in our district and I won first place! I was thrilled. But that excitement soon turned into something that I wrestled with for some time after that. I overheard one of the gals who worked there, and who I thought was a good friend, telling the assistant manager that I only won because I was pretty.

I was deeply hurt. Not only did I feel betrayed by a friend, but I struggled with self-esteem issues. In my memoir, Through Frankie’s Eyes: One woman’s journey to her authentic self, and the dog on wheels who led the way, I talk about how for years I worked out like a fanatic just because of what one guy said to me — that I’d be prettier if I was thinner.

It took me many years to work through the whole self-confidence issue. It wasn’t really until I was in my early 40s and my dog Frankie became paralyzed, that through her acceptance of her wheelchair and living life to the fullest, despite looking ” different” than other dogs, that opened up something inside me.

Little by little I started  to see the many different layers of myself. But most importantly, I stared to accept each part realizing how vital each is in making me who I authentically am.

And that’s the thing. Women are more than their looks. Each have so many gifts and talents to be shared in the world. But how often the light goes out inside because of how our society sometimes still may see them — or see them only based on how they look. And then expectations are put upon them that may not fit with who they truly are inside.

I don’t want that for my nieces. I want them to live to their full potential of whatever it is that they wish to be. And so that is my hope and my wish for each– that they follow that inner light — to live from that spark that makes them glow from the inside out — and let nothing get in their way. I wish for each of their hearts to lead the way and follow that inner compass that will always guide them in the right direction.

And I just want to add that there is nothing wrong with being a model or a movie star — but whoosh – I don’t think I could have survived in that industry which I believe has a ways to go in not being so youth and looks driven.

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