Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month until July 18th I will be sharing my thoughts about turning 50, which I will celebrate on July 18th… and yes, I said Celebrate!
The above photo was a Christmas gift to John in 1992. I was 29-years old. My mom was playing around with photography back then so she offered to take the photo for me. She also made the dress, which I still have, though I doubt it still fits. I loved that dress! And, of course, she made me, so this photo is special in so many ways.
As I look at that photo today, which I still have hanging in our bedroom, I really don’t recognize myself. Though I do recall very vividly how insecure I was about my looks, my body, etc. When I look at it today I could kick myself for being so hard on myself. All the years I wasted with negative self talk which was often going round and round in my head. Why? I wonder.
And today it happened again as I took some time out to visit a second hand clothing shop for a few new things to update my wardrobe. I stood in the dressing room looking in the mirror, beating myself up for what I didn’t like that I saw reflecting back at me. It took me a few moment to realize what I was doing. I told myself to stop it.
I reminded myself of how far I’ve come. How much I have to be grateful for. I am healthy, have a fantastic husband, soul fulfilling friends, a family that loves me, dogs I adore, and a purpose that makes me happy to get up each morning. I am not my body. It is my soul and my heart that I want others to see.
I remind myself to turn off the negative talk– as that is all it is and it is only what society has deemed what women should look like of images that flash through my mind. It is not reality. We shift and re-shape as we move along the aging path.
We are not our body. We are so much more. Rinse and repeat.
Me today at almost 50! Not bad, lady… not bad.
