It’s been years since John sent me flowers.
Dating and then becoming a young wife I admit I expected them. Isn’t that what one does on occassions such as Valentine’s Day, Birthday’s or Sweetest Day? Isn’t that what we’ve been taught to believe?
Oh, the times I was hurt, angry or sulked when I didn’t get flowers.
Didn’t John love me?
This is what I thought.
My mind would spiral down the rabbit hole. I took it so. very. personally.
The blessing of growing older is that I’ve learned to laugh at myself.
I’ve also realized that the gift of this life is to love yourself.
And the interesting and beautiful thing that has happened?
John has loved me even more than I could have ever imagined.
He hears and understands me even in times when I think he doesn’t, yet I continue to be who I am because this is what makes me happy.
And then one day he comes home from work with a big smile on his face.
Digging deep into his pocket he says, “I brought you a surprise.”
Wondering what it could possibly be I say, “You did?”
He walks toward me with his hand open.
I see he has a handful of black stones.
All shiny except for one that looks more like a rock.
I sense his proudness as he hands them to me.
“They are Apache stones,” he says.
“I’ve never heard of Apache stones.”
“Look it up,” he says. “They are from Arizona.”
He tells me they are currently installing a fireplace in the house he’s been building.
The inset around the fireplace has many different stones from Arizona embedded in it.
He hands me what is left of the stones that the homeowner gave him.
I look up the meaning of stones. They are referred to as Apache tears and here is what it says:
These stones were left scattered across the desert, where they can now be found.
Their historical meaning is that these stones are powerful to heal you if you are feeling grief and emotional distress.
“I love stones,” I said. “Thank you.”
“See? I do listen to you,” he says with a grin. “I thought you’d like them.”
Pondering the meaning of the stones it runs through my mind the fact that John’s Dad passed away two weeks ago.
It’s been a tender time.
I’ve witnessed a softening of John and sense an expansion of his heart.
I think about that someday should I be the one left.
My warrior. The one who has seen me at my best and also at my very worst.
Yet he has always stood by me.
I don’t need flowers. I never did.
All I ever needed was to be me.
And my warrior has loved me all the more for it.
Tears I hope to never have to shed should John die before me, but if that should be, I will do so with the deepest of love for the man who has walked beside me and loved me as who I am.
xo,
Barbara
Resource: https://meanings.crystalsandjewelry.com/apache-tear/
