Are You Okay In There?

Posted by Barbara Techel

I was thinking that Sparrows are probably the least photographed bird. Check out this little darling on the right-hand side of the photo who was outside my writing cottage window this morning.

It almost looks to me like he is saying, “Hey, you in there. Are you okay?” 

I was in my writing cottage early today and did a full moon oracle reading for myself. It’s a new ritual I put in place for myself this year – once a month for the new and full moon I take time in contemplation with a deck of oracle cards. They always provide helpful guidance and insight.

I’m not going to get into details here of the reading because, well, it was a personal reading, and I’m still simmering in its meaning for me.

But this little bird really captured my heart.

And yes, little one, I’m okay and every day feels a tiny bit better.

Just as I ended this post, the trill of a bird was singing on a Pandora radio station I was listening to. I just love how the universe holds our heart at all times.

And even in the tenderest times, when we feel most vulnerable, if we focus our awareness we are able to see and feel the support all around us.

XO,

Barbara

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Grief Counselors in the Woods

Posted by Barbara Techel
Altar in my writing cottage remembering Gidget

All week I’d been wanting to go for a walk in the small wooded area near my home. But I couldn’t seem to get myself to do it until this afternoon.

Earlier in the week, I mailed out the wheelchair that Frankie and Joie used to an organization called Red Flyer. They accept used wheelchairs and then donate them to animal rescues. Harlan, the founder of Red Flyer said he would let me know who the wheelchair goes to. That did my heart good. I’m looking forward to seeing a photo of the lucky recipient.

This morning I donated Gidget’s stroller to a second-hand shop where all the proceeds benefit animals in need in our local area. This made my heart feel good to know another dog will enjoy it.

But whew…all this letting go. 

I rarely went for a walk without Gidget so I felt some trepidation as I put my walking shoes on this afternoon. But I felt called to visit the woods and see if it didn’t have some advice for my still aching heart.

Walking through the woods I was reminded of life and death and how there is beauty in each.

Trillium flower in full bloom among the dead leaves.

Looked like a cross to me, but actually from old wire fencing and what was once a post. But seeing this as a cross reminded me of a higher power that always has a plan.

“Lady of the woods” birch trees surrounded by trees with no life left in them.

I’ve never come across an egg this size! Not sure what bird would have hatched from here. But it made me think about how my heart is cracked open like this shell, while at the same time new life sprung from this shell. Just like new life will spring from my broken heart.

and okay…this wasn’t in the woods but was my treat when I got home. “It’s not about where an adventure ends.” I had to think about this one for a moment. I understand it as the adventure with Gidget does not end. It’s just a new way in which we are now in a relationship with each other….and so the adventure continues.

I’m so glad I went for a walk in the woods. So many counselors on hand to help walk me back home and my heart feels a little lighter for it.

XO,

Barbara

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The Heart Knows

Posted by Barbara Techel

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me with cards sent, via email or Facebook and your kind and sweet support and the loss of Gidget. Just as the heart trepidly walks with grief, sometimes receiving an outpouring of love and support can feel overwhelming too. But I realized a lesson in this and that I must simply take in what I can at the moment and return again when I feel called to.

I want to share this special double heart memorial marker with you. It’s in my garden outside my writing cottage. When I open the blinds in my bedroom each morning and when I sit at my writing desk I can see it.

Some of you may remember that two years ago I scattered the ashes of my two previous doxie’s Frankie and Joie around my writing cottage. Gidget now rests here too.

On Mother’s Day morning I walked out to my garden to be with her. I felt called to gather some rocks and form the shape of a heart in honor of my love for her. Just as I placed the last rock at the bottom of the heart, a small rock off to the side caught my eye. It was in the shape of a heart.

I smiled through my tears. Little Gidget already sending me a sign of love right back to me… and so I placed her heart within mine. Though honestly, I feel like the big heart is more representative of her.

There are many ways in which one nurtures and for a good part of my life, I’ve struggled with why I never felt called to have children of my own.

The core reason why has been revealing itself to me since 2015 and stems from a personal childhood wounding. A week before Mother’s Day and the passing of Gidget, it was like another window to my soul opened and I deeply felt the truth of why and I had to be with all I was feeling.  

As many of you also know, I’ve been working on my third memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am. This book will share that journey of facing that inner core wound and working my way through it. At the heart of it was my dear Gidget guiding me and holding the most loving space for me.

For the most part, the writing of the book is done. I’ve received feedback from three beta readers which I’ll use to tweak the manuscript. I also realized two days ago that there will be an afterword. I’m not quite ready to write that yet as I need to give myself time to process the loss of Gidget.

But I do know and understand now that if I’d had children I’d not experienced what I have in my life and for that I’m grateful. And I know that this was the path I was meant to walk.

I also remember how I was feeling trepidation about sharing the news of Gidget’s passing as I didn’t want other’s who cared for her to feel sad. But just like I shared the joy of her, the grief must come with it too. Grief is something we all have in common – none of us escape it.

Then just this morning I received this note from a wise friend:

Not only are you feeling your sweet friend but you are assisting others to feel and release their grief. And that is what a catalyst does. Part of your work here is to help others with theirs. It’s not always easy, as you very well know, but it is your path.

I deeply felt the truth of this.

And so with Gidget’s heart a part of mine always, I journey on…

XO,

Barbara

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