While my writing cottage is olive-green, the green spotlight shining on it at night, decked out for the holidays, it casts this lovely magical glow. Don’t you just want to open that Victorian screen door and step inside for a cup of hot cocoa?
Since 2009 I’ve spent countless hours in this 10 x 12 cozy and quaint space my husband, John lovingly built for me. Two children’s books, one how-to book, and two memoirs have been written within these four walls. Not to mention the oodles of blog posts and newsletters too!
Speaking of books, I’m closing in on the first draft of my third memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am. I hit the 100 typed pages mark today. Not that I’m necessarily basing this book on a page count. But it’s a nice marker to know in that my last two memoirs were 120 typed pages (before formatted in book layout form). Also gauging it on what I’ve written so far, the notes I’ve taken along the way of what I want to include, and the rough outline I created at the beginning, I’m at this delicious point of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
But don’t get me wrong… I have a long ways to go yet. After this first draft is complete, I will dive back in to shape it until I feel it is good for an editor’s eyes to read. But it feels so good to be to this point.
Today I wrote a section for the book about how I came to realize I wasn’t always honoring Gidget’s needs. Not an easy thing to admit or write about. But it’s something I came to observe about myself and my needs and felt it important to share.
Every morning, for many years, since Frankie, then Joie, and now Gidget, when I was ready to get to work, I’d tuck a dachshund under my right arm and out to my writing cottage I’d go. It was always comforting to have a dog companion with me as I spend so much time alone.
But as things unfolded for Gidget and I and the inner focus I was called to do this year because of Gidget and what she was trying to help me understand, I came to see Gidget in a new way.
This book, unlike the others before them, has been written without Gidget holding space for me within my writing cottage. I came to realize this year that perhaps it wasn’t her thing. While it was difficult at first, when I let go and allowed her to make her own choice and she more often than not, chooses not to be in my writing cottage with me.
While I miss seeing her sweet face within this space, the fun part is that when I do make trips into the house, which I do often, there are times she comes bouncing around the corner to see me. So it’s happy little reunions like this throughout the day that always make me smile.
I can’t help but think too that as women we don’t always value time for ourselves or really appreciate the importance of it. While I’ve written about, and talked about this often over the years, I’ve had much to learn too. While I don’t have kids, my dogs, have at times, filled in the gap for my emotional needs.
It’s made me examine myself more closely and has had me paying more attention to what it is that Gidget may need that I wasn’t allowing her to experience because of my needs. More often than not these days, she chooses to stay in the house while I work in my writing cottage. This past summer she chose to lie on the deck and rarely spent time in my writing cottage.
I’ll admit this took some getting used to on my part. I had to sit with my feelings of not feeling rejected, and I while I do miss her being in this space with me, more often than not, my heart feels good in honoring her space and what she needs. And in turn? It makes me appreciate all the more of what it is I need too.
Thank you, as always, for being part of my community here. I’m so grateful!
XO,
Barb
