For days I carried a sadness in my heart for someone who recently passed away at the age of fifty-two. He left behind the love of his life, two sons, and the animals, land, and home he deeply adored.

The thing is I hadn’t seen him for years but I appreciated the devoted relationship he shared with his wife as it was similar to the one I share with John. I was sad about what was lost and imagining how his wife and kids must be feeling.

For days I’ve passed by a stone I see on my walk. Each time I’ve sensed it calling out to me, but yet I didn’t pick it up. Today it caught my eye as I walked by it once again. This time I made a promise to myself that when I made the loop back through I’d take the stone home with me.

One foot in front of the other, taking in the beautiful clear blue sky into my being and enjoying the sounds of the killdeer, I thought about how John was lovingly teasing me the other day. I don’t recall what it was about, but the fact he had called me his nature girl. That’s the part that stuck with me – Nature Girl – I loved hearing that.

So many thoughts have been whirling through my mind of late. I’m approaching my birthday next month and this one in terms of astrology is referred to as our second Saturn return. It’s said our second Saturn return occurs between the age of fifty-seven and fifty-nine. I’ll be fifty-eight.

Our first Saturn return happens in our late twenties and if it is meant to be our third Saturn return is between eight-four and ninety. I distinctly recall what my first Saturn return was like, though I wouldn’t realize its impact on my life until my mid-50s’. Hint: I wrote about this in my last memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am.

The second Saturn return is much like our first Saturn return in that it is a time to reflect and a time of growth as we give thought to the next stage of our life.

This also from Astrodharma.org regarding the second Saturn return, Now-or-never actions in the real world that demonstrate the wisdom of the elder. The deepening commitment to one’s chosen life service or a pivot into an entirely new, more soulful life direction. The hallmark of the second Saturn Return is that if you deal maturely with the old pockets of unfinished business, you gain the gift that will last till the end – the gift of wisdom. You become an elder.

I definitely feel the soulful life direction part of this statement pondering how I wish to experience the autumn of my life. I also feel the foundation of the wisdom I’ve gained to this point as a welcome guide to carry me forward. I’m also embracing the elder part of this and determined to walk into elderhood as gracefully as possible. Though I will be honest in that the physical aspects are sometimes the more difficult ones to be okay with. But I continue to work on that.

I often think about one of my favorite elder mentors, Tasha Tudor, and the Take Joy! documentary about her and her way of life. The part in the interview when asked about the winter of her life, then in her early 80s, she shares she wouldn’t trade being elderly for anything because she was having the time of her life.

Winding my way around the bend of my walking route I came upon a small maple leaf on the ground. Oh no! It’s too early for it to have already changed to this crimson red color, I thought.

But then I smiled and realized that nature was reflecting my thoughts. Here was the perfect symbolism for me about embracing and appreciating the autumn of my life. I was now walking with an extra bounce in my step holding the tiny leaf in my hand like a valuable treasure. How fortunate I am to be alive to experience my second Saturn return. Not everyone gets that opportunity.

The last leg of my walk home brought me back to the stone. As soon as it was in my hand I knew that I was just gifted the perfect way in which I’d honor this new phase of my life – the autumn of my life – this second Saturn return that I’m grateful to be experiencing.

The stone and the leaf came together perfectly that I made into a talisman and have placed on my altar for those days I need reminding of how precious this life is:

The blue on the top half of the stone symbolic of the universe and how it holds all the answers if we just take the time to ask, deeply listen, and allow the wisdom to flow into our being. 

The blues and greens on the bottom half representing water and being with all the many emotions that come at different stages of life.

The spirals symbolic of embracing the inward and outward times of our lives and the importance of each to living a life that is whole and balanced.

The leaf honoring the autumn of life and also the fragileness of it. How sometimes we can feel small in this vast universe and feel not seen. But that we are indeed a vital and important part of this cosmos and that the Divine always sees us and has our back.

And just as I finished gluing the leaf onto the stone I looked up to notice the time on the clock – 11:11 am. Thank you, Universe for yet another confirmation.

As I was getting ready to take a picture of my new talisman to share here on my blog I noticed a gap at the bottom of the stem to the right as if there should be another spiral there. But then it came to me – ah no – this is there for a reason. It’s the opening to the next portal I’m about to walk through. Welcome it, I thought, welcome it. And so I am.

XO

Barb