gratefulness

Grief Is Not In the Present Moment

Posted by Barbara Techel

Grief is not in the present moment, it is our perception. ~Lisa Wimberger, Founder of Neurosculpting Institute

I recently took part in a Neurosculpting session gifted to me by my friend Connie who is a facilitator of the process. She reached out to me after the passing of Gidget with this lovely gesture.

The definition in short from Neurosculpting Institute website is: “Neurosculpting® is a 5-step meditation process that can strategically help an individual release the grip of old patterns and entrain their brain to creating new and more supportive patterns, habits and behaviors.”

A session is about quieting the flight/fight response, focusing on curiosity within the front part of the brain (pre-frontal cortex), engaging both sides of the brain (actually toggling between the two so you don’t stay stuck and utilizing both in achieving balance), creating a link as a reminder by tapping a part of the body, and giving the experience a name to return to when you find yourself back in flight or fight mode.

In regards to the brain, we either spend most of our time in the left side (logical and analytical) or right side (creativity and arts). I tend to be in the right side of my brain and feel most comfortable there. Many of us don’t give enough attention to the front part of our brain which helps us work with, and through, our emotions.

For my session, we focused on grief because of the recent passing of my dog, Gidget.

I’m not going to go into all the details of the session as I wanted most to share how the quote above really struck me and still stays with me: Grief is not in the present moment, it is our perception.

Our past stories, just like grieving the loss of someone we love, we can easily stay trapped there. Connie shared that grief comes with a story, a history, and an energy.

I admit that connecting the thought of being in the present moment, which I continue to strive for, and linking it to grief is one my mind has to really concentrate on to take in.

I am grieving what was (my past) and wondering what is next (my future now looks different than what I thought it would).

I thought Gidget was going to be with me for many more years. Her death felt so sudden. My brain tries to make sense of it, but in reality, there is nothing to make sense of.

If I stay in the present moment, the past is complete with Gidget. My future is not yet known, thus I only have right now. And in this right now I can choose to be sad, happy, negative or grateful.

There is no changing that Gidget is gone. I’ll never see her again. But I can be with the teachings, the joy, and the love of who she is right here in this present moment. This makes me smile and fills my heart with happiness.

By association, Connie took me through different stages during guided meditations. One of which was permission. Within the permission meditation, I associated it with the color yellow. I then saw an image of me as a little girl in a yellow dress riding my bike. To me, yellow represents joy. I tapped my hand on my heart as a way in which to remember I can give myself permission to experience joy.

For grief, I saw it as the color of gray and like a fog. I put it in an old-fashioned candy jar to contain it, yet I could still see and recognize it for what it is. When I feel anxious about grief I feel it in my stomach area, so I tapped there to release it.

The color I chose to represent the future was red which for me represents freedom. The song that popped into my head was Let freedom Ring by Martina McBride. “Let the white dove sing” which is a line in the song, I associated with the fact that my future is free from carrying the grief with me to the point that it would prevent me from being happy and continuing to move forward.

Just revisiting my notes from this experience I feel lighter in spirit and know that I don’t have to stay trapped in sadness. I honor all the feelings, but I also allow them to flow through me, instead of consuming me.

So this quote, when I sit and simmer in it makes perfect sense. While grief is real, we must honor it for the gift it gives us in that we were also able to experience love. And love is something we can choose to feel in the present moment.

I realized today also that the gift of grief and feeling my heart cracked open from the loss of Gidget, I am so much more aware of what matters. The birds, the flowers, the trees, the sun, my gardens, my life with John, and I could go on….but I have so much to be grateful for.

XO,

Barbara

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Kangaroo’s Poignant Message about Guilt We Feel with Our Pets

Posted by Barbara Techel
 
Recently I talked with someone who was struggling with the guilt of having to put their pet to sleep. Then just this morning, I talked with someone whose older pet just had surgery for a ruptured disk in her neck. And the difficulty is that the pet owner needs to go away for a week in the next few days and the guilt has him full of worry.
 
Guilt can be such a tricky thing and can weigh on us like a ton of bricks. I completely understand this having been through it so often myself in various ways with my own pets.
 
After talking with my friend whose pet is coming home today, but then he must leave out of town soon, I’m happy to say I was able to provide him some comfort and be a reflection for him that he has covered all bases in making sure his dog will be in the best care while he is away.
 
After I got off the call I kept thinking about this more and wondering why it is we have such a difficult time with feeling guilty.
 
So I decided to turn to the Power Animal Wisdom Oracle card deck, as I often do, when I ponder my own challenging questions. It’s my hope that by sharing this and what the card that revealed itself had to say that it will help others facing this feeling of guilt that can oftentimes consume us.
 
So I asked this question: What do pet owners need to know about feeling guilty? The card I got was Kangaroo, which is about gratitude and being grateful for all you are blessed with.
 
Reading into this message further, thinking about my friend feeling guilty for having to leave his dog after surgery, Kangaroo confirms that gratitude, not guilt, will help us to ease our worries, which more than often those worries never come true.
 
Kangaroo reminds my friend how blessed he is to have someone he trusts, who his dog has stayed with many times before, and who has taken care of dogs before after surgery, and who will be looking after his dog. How blessed he is to have this person in his life.
 
Regarding having to put a pet to sleep – one of the most difficult, heartbreaking decisions we face when having a pet, is that we will likely have to say goodbye to them for their time here on earth is so much shorter than our own.
 
Kangaroo’s message of gratitude is so fitting for this because she is reminding us how very blessed we were to have had that love and joy in our life from out pets. We can’t have one without the other. This is the reality of loving a pet.
 
I truly believe with every fiber of my being, and the many teachings I’ve received from my own pets, that our animal friends don’t want us to carry this heavy burden of guilt. As I shared with my friend today, and something I’ve come to understand, is that he can still connect with his dog even when he will be away from her.
 
I shared with him that he just needs to talk to her in his mind, and she will feel that connection and love. She already knows he loves her and she does not want him to feel guilty.
 
Guilt causes worry and worry won’t change anything. And we worry because it feels like then we are in control and if we are control we feel like it assures us of a desired outcome. The reality though is that we aren’t in control. But we can be grateful for all that we are blessed with and give thanks for that -that is a choice that we always have.
 
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