I smiled when I drew this card after my meditation this morning.

The card says, “You Are Worthy.” I didn’t question it like I would have done in the past because I know this now more about myself than I have before.

I see this card as two parts of myself. The little cat represents the little girl within me. The lion represents the protective and loving mother also within me. See how the tail of the cat winds around the mama lion? Together, a bond, that can’t be broken.

But for a long time, I didn’t feel this way. I separated myself from that little wounded girl within not wanting to believe what she had to share with me about her deep hurt from long ago.

At first, I thought this message was only for me. But then as I went about my morning I heard that it is World Mental Health Day. I knew then this message is for all those who suffer from not feeling worthy and struggle to make sense of their lives.

It was in 2018 that I went through a deep dark night of the soul as I wrestled with anxiety and for a long time didn’t believe I also likely had depression mixed in with that. But I tend to not like labels. What I know now and from my own experience and the journey I walked is that those feelings often described as depression and/or anxiety were trying to get my attention.

Years of burying a vision I carried with me from my childhood had finally reached a tipping point. It was one late afternoon in April of 2018 that a thought ran through my mind that I’d never had before. I wanted to die instead of dealing with the pain that was coursing through me.

As soon as the thought of dying came, another thought stepped in and I heard that I didn’t want to die. Both voices were me. And even though I knew what had to be done would be difficult, I had to face that little girl within, listen to her, and most of all, believe her. Walking that journey is what I’ll be sharing more about in my memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am coming out early 2020.

I believe I’m a bubbly and optimistic person by nature, but the truth is that I was also hiding beneath a mask of shame. Once I decided to face that woundedness within me, reach out for help, and do the work that needed to be done feeling my way through all my emotions, that I came out the other end feeling more worthy than I have ever before.

And so I share this message of Tabby Cat from this card and a glimpse of my journey in hopes that whoever needs to hear this will take it into their heart, reach out for help, and begin the journey to healing.

Wishing you all much peace.

XO,

Barbara

Oracle card from: The Illustrated Bestiary by Maia Toll