ritual

I Burned My Manuscript

Posted by Barbara Techel

Truth be told. I’ve had a few moments since Gidget has been gone that I have wondered what is even the point of completing my book – my third memoir.

An edited paper version of it that I marked up in red ink, and before feedback from my beta readers, has sat on my desk for a few months now. Yesterday I looked at it and wondered why I kept it. 

This morning, after my yoga practice and journaling with the SoulCollage® card I made in honor of Gidget (which I’ll share in a future post), I felt called to burn the manuscript. 

I placed it in the chiminea that sits on our deck. It has held a fire most weekend nights and often entices deep conversation and contemplation. Tearing the sections of the manuscript in half, and then half again, I threw them into the chiminea, doused it with lighter fluid, and threw in a match.

It was cathartic to watch it go up in flames. A ritual of letting go of how the manuscript began – painstakingly at times and then the last six months it flowed with much more ease.

Before Gidget left, the draft I was currently working on was close to being polished with feedback integrated from the beta readers and then it would be off to the editor.

But it all stopped when Gidget died. I couldn’t bring myself to open the unfinished document on my computer. Though it was only about a week after Gidget left that I knew there would be an afterword for my book. But I’ve had to just sit with the many thoughts of how I will write it.

I will complete the book. And yesterday, I began where I left off with the chapter on a dream I had that was pivotal to my healing last year.

All of how this has unfolded has been the process that has been meant to be for me. There is no right or wrong way to write a book. This has been a valuable teaching for me over the years since I began writing here on my blog and the books I’ve published. 

I’m much more interested these days in listening to my inner voice and letting go of how other’s say we “should” write. I want to continue to follow my flow of energy, honor it and trust that all is happening in just the right time.

Just as I sat down to write this post an email came into my inbox from a woman I recently gifted my first two memoirs. What a beautiful confirmation:

I honor and bless the little girl in you who has chosen in this lifetime to do so much healing. I sense you are healing from many past lives. Stand tall in your newborn knowledge of who you are. You are so needed to share your light with all whom you touch.

Your books are beautiful. Your gentle heart comes shining through. I wish you peace in your healing process.

There is so much amazing support that the universe offers us when we stay open to the possibilities.

And with that, I’m signing off to update the next chapter of my book, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am…

XO,

Barbara

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Meditating Buddah Dog

Posted by Barbara Techel

Meditating Buddah Dog

Just a few days ago I wrote about how Gidget rarely spends time in my writing cottage as she did in previous years. As I’ve become more aware of allowing her to make her own choices instead of automatically scooping her into my arms thinking she wants to be with me, I’ve discovered she is perfectly content to stay in the house.

I also shared how when she did spend time in this space with me, where I go through my morning rituals before settling down to work, meditation being one of them, that often she was wiggly when I’d place her next to me in my big chair where I like to meditate.

As the colder temperatures have now become the norm for the season, I find myself wanting to linger as long as possible in my 1,100 square foot home before heading out to my 10 x 12 writing cottage. Home is one of my core values and though I’m not always fond about the cold temperatures outside, I do love the cozy feeling this time of year provides.

And so wanting to linger longer, I’ve been doing my yoga practice and meditation in my living room, with Gidget snoozing nearby in her bed. 

There is no right or wrong way to meditate, but what feels right, I believe. Of late, I’ve been laying on my back on my yoga bolster with my arms out to the side as I listen to a favorite meditation on Insight Timer. 

Just this week, everyday so far, something new and welcoming has occurred. Within about five minutes of my meditation, I will feel a little cold snout push its way under my hand. Then soon enough a soft, silky long body will be pushed up against my arm.

You know what they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder?

While I’ve grown to be more in partnership with Gidget, allowing her to make her own choices, there are times I do miss her in when I’m in my writing space. 

But these last three days and her wish of wanting to be within the space of my meditation has warmed my heart. As I finished the last pose of my yoga today, Gidget popped her head up from under her blanket and made her way over to me.

Holding her tiny face in my hands, I said, “Does someone want to meditate again today?”

This time I sat on the sofa and waited to see if she wished to join me. Sure enough. She sat at my feet looking up at me.

Picking her up, crossing my legs over each other, I nestled her into the hollow space of my legs. Calm as could be, and together, we shared a space of 15-minutes of stillness and peace.

Namaste – “the divine in me honors the divine in you” my dear little buddha dog. 

XO,

Barb

Getting Back to What Matters

Posted by Barbara Techel
Getting Back to What Matters
Swallowtail butterfly outside my kitchen window
 
You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don’t know who your friends are, you don’t know what you owe anybody, you don’t know what anybody owes you. This is the place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen. ~Joseph Campbell
 
So many distractions this morning that could have easily derailed me from my commitment to working on my new book. Waking up late because I didn’t feel well overnight, to John being crabby, of which he eventually shared with me it was regarding a work challenge, to the insurance company calling to help me file my claim for the damage to my car from a hit and run.
 
When I first became a writer, I admit I was entranced by the fantasy of solitude and spilling out the contents of my heart effortlessly on a daily basis. I’ve learned a lot in eleven years and the reality that is. While there are many days it is divine and flows with ease, most days just don’t shake out this way. Writing is work. But it’s work I don’t intend on giving up anytime too soon.
 
Though I almost threw in the towel today and said the heck with it. I’m tired after a restless night, the energy was heavy in the house with John’s concerns over work, and then dealing with three different people regarding the claim on my car….well, a nap sure seemed like the better thing to do.  🙂
 
But I thought about the manifesto I’d written for my book yesterday and my About Page I recently updated on my website. While this book is another memoir, it’s more than that. It’s about helping empower women to open to their inner voice, express their fears and desires, expand their perspective, emerge into new possibilities, and continue to evolve as their True Self.
 
Sitting down to do my daily oracle card reading for myself and then journal as my daily ritual, it was confirmed what I needed to tap into to get my butt in my writing chair despite all the distractions from the morning.
 
As I shuffled, I heard to count down to the fourth card from the top. 
 
From the Wisdom of the Oracle: Higher Power #4
 
I then pulled a card from an inspirational deck I recently provided feedback for (of which I can’t share yet as it is still in the works, but will share when I can!).
 
The card was SHARE.
 
Okay, universe. I hear you. A reminder that I’m not writing this book alone. To get out of my small self that was feeling tired and irritated by how the morning had played out so far. I’m not creating this book alone and it’s my connection to something bigger than me that I felt re-energized and ready to get to the task at hand. Pulling the Share card a reminder that in sharing my story, I will make a difference in the lives of women my book is meant to touch.
 
And it triggered remembering a quote I recently read by Joseph Campbell which I shared above. It’s true the importance of taking time each day to “simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen.”
 
This place, of which I have as a physical space in my writing cottage, I also feel it’s important to say that it’s also that inner space that we must take time to be with each day. Though, of course, this is what Joseph Campbell speaks to also. While the physical place is often more easily achieved, it’s the inner space we don’t always value enough in a fast-driven society. But it’s the space in which the answers lie.
 
From sitting with what felt like an empty well after the interruptions of the morning, to finding my center once again, moving to my writing desk became a choice that truly matters to me and the impact I want to leave on the world. And while my writing session wasn’t without effort today, I’m in a place of contentment for having stayed committed to what is important to me.
 
Just as I finished writing this post, I remembered the photo I captured of a swallowtail butterfly outside my kitchen window early last evening. Looking up it’s meaning made me smile as another beautiful reminder of how the universe is always supporting us with signs to guide us along our path:
 
Inspiration, intuition, higher consciousness, transformation, resurrection, flashes of insight, power of beauty, strength in vulnerability.
 
XO,
Barbara
P.S. My reward for doing what matters today besides feeling good I did the work? This afternoon I’m going with my dear friend to see the movie, Christopher Robin with Winnie-the-Pooh and the Gang! I’m sure glad author A.A. Milne did what mattered to him.