Since 1995 I’ve had at least one dog, though most of the time two. Since Kylie passed in November, we are down to just one. And one it will be. We’ve decided no more big dogs. As I’ve also mentioned before in my posts, Gidget will also be my last special needs pup I’ll adopt. 

What a journey it has been. There are times I’m so ready to be on my own without caring for a canine companion, but then there are other times I just can’t imagine not having a dog after Gidget moves on. For 24 years now there has always been a bundle of fur to cuddle up to in our household. But I feel ready for a break when that day comes.

Earlier in the week I set off on an excursion by myself. Well, that is…almost by myself, as I had my ever faithful sidekick with me, Miss G. But this was something I’d not done before in my almost 55 years which was to venture off without another human being with me. To stay in an RV in a campground. Two hours away. By myself.

It was a big deal to me. Three days to myself. I registered for a half day writing workshop, which was on Tuesday. That was such a treat. I enjoyed every moment of discussion and free writing about forgiveness and compassion. It was exactly what I needed.

The first night in the very quiet campground I swear I heard every little thing that went bump in the night. 🙂 I woke up often and at one point I wondered why I had done this. I wanted to go home.

But I stuck it out. Gidget was curled up in her little bed next to me in the big bed and that was quite comforting. It made me wonder though what it would be like to be in the RV without her. It was then I felt an overwhelming gratitude to have her part of my life. 

I’m treasuring even more these days my time with her, even though I still have my moments of looking forward to how my life will unfold when she is no longer here. It’s been difficult at times for me to express this here on my blog for fear of judgement. While I’ll miss her greatly when she departs, I have to be honest and say that after caring for three disabled dachshunds since 2006, there will be relief in not having that responsibility.

Each dog has brought me to this place I am today. More comfortable in who I am. Standing stronger on my feet than I’ve ever felt before. And it’s because of Gidget and so much she has taught me that I feel ready to be solo out in the world someday. For how long that will be, I don’t know. But I’m not meant to figure any of that out right now.

This three day solo excursion was a wee little taste of being on my own as John stayed behind understanding that this was something I needed to do. I’m proud that I did this. Whenever we take a leap and dive into our fears, well, the end result is feeling like you can do just about anything!

While I’m glad to be back home and don’t need to venture out on a solo excursion for awhile again, I’m really glad I challenged myself. I feel changed in subtle ways and it just really feels like this is all the part of the process of what lies ahead as I continue to expand in who I am.

Thanks for reading!

XO,

Barbara