spirituality

We Are Never Alone

This is the path that leads to a small wooded area near my home. The colors are near peak here in Wisconsin and I’m savoring each and every moment.

At times, I must admit, that I feel a bit melancholy as I know fall will be on its way out soon. Because it’s my favorite season, it can feel bittersweet when it begins to descend and let go. My mom often says on cloudy days that we have to carry sunshine in our hearts. It’s the way I feel about fall – I shall carry all of it – the colors, the smells, the sounds, the feelings it evokes in me, and keep it safely tucked in my heart until it rolls around next time.

As I walked along the trails I came upon a fallen tree and stump. It’s been there for as long as I’ve been walking in the woods. Part of the tree is hollowed out from decay. It’s a spot I often see chipmunks, either scurrying through the open areas of the trunk or sunning themselves on the stump.

But today no one was home. I thought silently to myself that likely they were out gathering nuts to store in their home for the winter season. In my mind, I said, “Chippy, chippy where are you?” And just then I heard a high pitched chittering as he scooted right in front of me across the path.

I smiled. Chippy heard me and the brave little one decided to answer my call to let me know that indeed I wasn’t alone.

I feel in a good place these days understanding on a deeper level than I’ve ever felt before, that I’m never alone. It has been at times challenging to remember this. But then something as simple as a walk in nature brings me right back to remembering that all I have to do is make the first move. The universe then responds with its support and wraps itself around me making me feel home once again.

XO,

Barbara

A Sneak Peek Into What My Next Book Is About

I finalized the back cover description with my editor last week and I’m excited to share it with you today!

XO,

Barbara

This Message Wasn’t Just For Me

I smiled when I drew this card after my meditation this morning.

The card says, “You Are Worthy.” I didn’t question it like I would have done in the past because I know this now more about myself than I have before.

I see this card as two parts of myself. The little cat represents the little girl within me. The lion represents the protective and loving mother also within me. See how the tail of the cat winds around the mama lion? Together, a bond, that can’t be broken.

But for a long time, I didn’t feel this way. I separated myself from that little wounded girl within not wanting to believe what she had to share with me about her deep hurt from long ago.

At first, I thought this message was only for me. But then as I went about my morning I heard that it is World Mental Health Day. I knew then this message is for all those who suffer from not feeling worthy and struggle to make sense of their lives.

It was in 2018 that I went through a deep dark night of the soul as I wrestled with anxiety and for a long time didn’t believe I also likely had depression mixed in with that. But I tend to not like labels. What I know now and from my own experience and the journey I walked is that those feelings often described as depression and/or anxiety were trying to get my attention.

Years of burying a vision I carried with me from my childhood had finally reached a tipping point. It was one late afternoon in April of 2018 that a thought ran through my mind that I’d never had before. I wanted to die instead of dealing with the pain that was coursing through me.

As soon as the thought of dying came, another thought stepped in and I heard that I didn’t want to die. Both voices were me. And even though I knew what had to be done would be difficult, I had to face that little girl within, listen to her, and most of all, believe her. Walking that journey is what I’ll be sharing more about in my memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am coming out early 2020.

I believe I’m a bubbly and optimistic person by nature, but the truth is that I was also hiding beneath a mask of shame. Once I decided to face that woundedness within me, reach out for help, and do the work that needed to be done feeling my way through all my emotions, that I came out the other end feeling more worthy than I have ever before.

And so I share this message of Tabby Cat from this card and a glimpse of my journey in hopes that whoever needs to hear this will take it into their heart, reach out for help, and begin the journey to healing.

Wishing you all much peace.

XO,

Barbara

Oracle card from: The Illustrated Bestiary by Maia Toll