Rainbow Tree artwork done by my friend, Shannon
I think there is sometimes this misconception that writers have it easy. They live happily in their little quiet world, and words just flow out of them, making their way out into the world, and having a positive impact.
I can say this as I’ve found myself, at times, envious of the life of other writers as I perceive them to be in my own mind—that their life is gloriously beautiful and they never struggle to write.
But I’ve realized something big for me lately. When I’m in the flow of writing, my life feels incredibly delicious. It is where I am right now, and the sweetness of this place is somewhere I wish I could live forever.
I can hardly wait to jump out of bed and get to my keyboard lately. Words flying around in my head, waiting to be spilled out through the end of my fingers. They come so fast, I don’t know how I will catch them all.
In fact, as I brushed my teeth this morning, this post was doing laps around my brain. I knew what I wanted to write about in my journal today. I thought about abandoning brushing my teeth – but luckily my toothbrush won the battle.
But a writers life is not always that sweet. I’ve really taken notice lately the ease of how I’ve been able to write lately. I can’t get enough. It fills me up and makes me feel so alive.
But just last summer I abandoned the book I was working on and I did plenty of beating myself up inside about that. But the lesson I see clearly now is that I was forcing it. I also didn’t have the strength for it as my energy was directed in another avenue giving of my time and myself to help a friend.
The outcome of that didn’t end well. It felt like a death to me. I’ve been working through that. And each day I understand more and more why I had to go through what I did. I gave a huge part of my own sense of self away.
You know how hard that is to say that? Me, who is always encouraging others to take care of themselves first? I didn’t heed my own advice. But I also know the time and energy I spent in helping this friend was something I did from the very deepest part of my heart. I’d never change that.
And I’ve come out stronger on the other end. I’m making my way back to me — that inner self who loves to let her light shine. Because when I do, I am truly in the heart of who I am. My life flows and isn’t forced.
This has led me also to a better understanding of what “trust the process” means. This phrase was used often when I took my training to become a SoulCollage Facilitator this past November. Creator of this process, Seena Frost says, “SoulCollage® reminds us in many different ways to trust that everything is happening exactly as it should.”
Isn’t this what life is all about? And this is what I’m really “getting” as someone who loves to write, but isn’t always in the sweet flow of it, and then find myself scratching my head wondering why I can’t always write even though I love it. This. is. normal. I am normal, or whatever normal means. Because in reality I really don’t want to be normal. I want to be me!
It isn’t always going to be easy. How can it? If it was, how would we move to deeper depths to share more the view of our inner world and how we see the world around us? How would we grow?
So I feel like a butterfly lately, awakening from yet another cocoon, excited to spread my newly improved wings.
A writers life, just like life, isn’t always so sweet — but when we can find the blessings in looking back, then, I think, that is what makes life all the more sweeter.
And what a wonderful reminder to take in this lesson, store it in a safe place, and call upon it once again, when we come to a place where we must be patient, and trust the process to unfold yet again.
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I forgot to mention in yesterday’s post that I was interviewed by Nutschell of “The Writing Nut” blog (and yes, that really is her name!) I was her featured writer for her Wednesday Writers Workspace. Take a peek if you wish! It was a fun interview.
