Intuition is a sense of knowing how to act spontaneously without needing to know why. – Sylvia Clare

Tammy from Rowdy Kittens blog shared the above quote today. She also talked about how she has many ideas brewing in her mind, but not quite sure what direction to head. She feels “in-between.”

Just like Tammy, when others say this to me, I say, “hey, it’s okay to feel in that in-between” place, because that is part of being a creative.” How much easier it is to say this to someone, but then so much harder to allow myself this same way to feel.

While I continue to peck away at my next book, I also still feel in this in-between place. I have my good and challenging days working on my book. Some days so sure I will take it all the way to publication stage, and then some days, well, not sure at all.

I also read an interview by Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote a novel after her wildly popular Eat, Pray and Love and scrapped the whole thing. She said it was crap and had to let her editor know she wouldn’t be submitting it. The advice from a friend was to take six months off and follow her curiosity, which is exactly what she did. She gardened and one day while gardening, the idea for the next book hit her and it all spilled out from her in a more creative and rewarding way.

I’ve been giving much thought to all of this lately, and realize I’ve been feeling this in-between since Frankie died. That’s almost two years ago. It feels scary to admit that, as if I’ll never come out of this in-between place. But it’s where I’m at and I wanted to be honest and say it here on my blog.

Many ideas of what I might want to do have been written in my idea journal, but so far, not quite sure where I should go with them. But I remind myself that to “push” something into existence just for the sake of doing it isn’t right either.

I wonder to myself why the exploration of oneself in this in-between can feel so daunting at times. Is it because we are so used to doing that we can’t deal with just trying to “be” more?

Two people lately have told me that I think too hard. They didn’t mean it in a bad way, but they are right.  Sometimes it can cause me great angst and I wish I didn’t do this. But it is who I am and even though it can be challenging at times, I’ve learned to accept it part of who I am.

While I do feel in-between and that is not always easy, I am trying to honor it. The quote by Sylvia Clare spoke to me also as I’ve decided to act on a monthly volunteer opportunity and see where it takes me. I’ll share with you soon what that is. While I’m excited about it, I’m also nervous. But I like the idea of acting on it without needing to know why right now. I want to see where it will take me and I guess that is all I need to know at the moment.

And for those moments when I’m thinking way too deep and too hard, all I have to do is look into the face of my Buddha dog, take a deep breath, and know that life is unfolding for me exactly as it should. No need to worry. Trust and know that all is well. Because it is. It is.