In my PAWS newsletter last Friday I shared how I was in full out fear mode after having a breast thermography done earlier in October which showed an area of concern on the right side.

If you are unfamiliar with thermography, in short it is (taken from Keep Cool Thermography):

“Digital infrared thermal imaging (thermography) to screen for early changes in the breast. Thermal changes in the breast can be from cancer, fibrocystic changes, inflammation, hormonal imbalances, or injury. Thermography is a simple, non-invasive, no-contact, no radiation, pain-free screening procedure for women of all ages.” 

While this was a fearful time for me, I learned so much in the process.

While a big part of my process was dealing with a past wound and fears, of which I don’t wish to share as it is very personal, I realize, that for me, this was my soul calling me to face and process that wound.

It was painful and not easy, and I’m still processing it. But since addressing and giving voice to it, I do have to say I have felt a positive shift, and a letting go that I’ve welcomed. So many things have come to light for me of why I’ve sometimes questioned not feeling worthy.

But there were other lessons, too. One in which was standing firm in my choice of how I wanted to proceed after the thermography results.

This meant standing up to my doctors physician assistant (PA), which was intimidating at first. While I’m not against mammography (as it’s helped many), I didn’t feel this would serve me at this time.

I knew it was likely the PA would try and talk me into a mammogram and I was fearful of feeling like I’d not have a choice. But out of this came standing in the truth of what I felt was right for my own body and my personal beliefs.

I also surrounded myself with much of my own research and wellness professionals that helped guide me to a decision that I believe should ultimately be mine to begin with. Though our healthcare system does not always support this.

I, in essence, felt like I was bucking the system, and one that can oftentimes play on our fears. But I want to feel empowered about my health and my choices and not go down that rabbit hole of fear.

Feeling empowered is what I’ve received in working with my wellness professional team, along with hours of my own research, and why I wanted to write about this on my blog today — even though this in itself brings up some fears for me.

Though it was challenging, and a back and forth with the PA, I stood my ground in wanting an ultrasound without first having a mammogram. I had the thermography findings, which I felt was substantial enough.

I was told (actually warn was the word used) that my insurance would likely not cover the cost of the ultrasound – because I wasn’t following protocol.

And while insurance is a whole other animal to deal with, the reality is that our personal deductible is over $12,000 so I have to pay out of pocket for “normal” routine things to begin with. This, I realize, actually helped serve me in a good way, in that it was “easier” for me to make the choice.

But shouldn’t our health and the care of it, be our choice to begin with? And our responsibility?

While I’ve questioned this more and more as I’ve grown older, I’m finally beginning to stand more in what I believe, even though fear is sometimes knocking at the door of “what if’s.”

I’m happy to say the ultrasound showed that the areas of concern are cysts. But this was definitely a time of stepping more into what I believe and working through fears and past wounds, so though initially quite challenging and full of much fear, I’m grateful for all of it.

Thank you for subscribing to my journal posts.