I realized after receiving a few emails that I need to clarify what I meant by burning my manuscript I’ve been working on for over a year, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am. If you didn’t catch yesterdays post and wonder what the heck I’m talking about, you can read it here.
I’m not starting over from the beginning and I’m finishing the book where I left off over three weeks ago. Good news, right? 🙂
The paper manuscript I burned was one of the earlier versions which I’d printed out and edited and then implemented the changes into the digital file I keep on my computer.
I then submitted that digital file to three beta readers for feedback. I received the feedback from each, with two of them submitting feedback the day before Gidget passed away.
At that point, I’d updated the current version of my manuscript of the digital file with the first beta readers feedback and was three-quarters of the way through completing that input.
Since having to let Gidget go the day before Mother’s Day, I’ve not been able to bring myself to open the manuscript on my computer where I left it and finish implementing the other feedback I’ve received.
But it was about a week after her passing, that even though I wasn’t yet ready to open the file on my computer and finish where I’d left off, that I knew I’d be writing an afterword. Though I’m not yet ready to write that and have been simmering in what I want to share.
That earlier version of the paper manuscript (that I burned) represented for me how at the beginning of writing this memoir that it felt so painstaking, though it started to flow with more ease these past six months.
What I didn’t know was how the book would end. Or I thought I knew how the book would end and that Gidget and I would have many more years together.
I wasn’t expecting to write an afterword to talk about her passing.
So burning the manuscript was symbolic for me because it represents a letting go of how the manuscript began (the painstaking moments of writing it), the feedback that wasn’t in that particular copy which is helpful in making my book be the best it can be, along with acceptance of the fact that Gidget passed away— and there is a pivotal teaching in that, too.
Along with the fact, this was all part of the master plan – I couldn’t have known I was going to have to let Gidget go.
Coming back to the current version of the manuscript on my computer file and starting again where I left off I’ve had another layer of deepening into the teachings from Gidget, which has been welcoming to my heart. And just when I think I couldn’t possibly love her any more than I do, I find myself in a deeper space of gratitude, love, and compassion for the gift of her sweet and wise self.
So burning that earlier version of the paper manuscript felt cleansing to me – and starting again when I thought what was the point of completing the book is a welcome space to be in, too.
I hope this helps.
Onward and forward I go with getting this manuscript ready to hand over to an editor…
XO,
Barbara
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