This past Monday, a friend had posted on her Facebook wall asking if other’s were feeling the peaceful energy since the crisis we are experiencing began?
While a part of me was, other parts of me were feeling anxious though I was incorporating meditation two to three times a day, deep breathing, etc. which was helping to keep me grounded.
Before I share what I felt this morning, I have to be honest in telling you that when I saw that post, I was thirteen hundred miles from home. I was feeling quite a bit of guilt for having left on a vacation in our R-pod just three days before.
Our intention was to be as self-contained as possible which we felt we achieved and John and I took every necessary precaution and came in contact with very few people.
Our plan all along had been to treat this three-week vacation as a test of someday living in a warmer climate for a few months in our R-pod a few months out of the year. So that meant we’d pretty much function as we did at home, only going out to eat one night a week or one day a week for lunch. We hadn’t planned on doing much site seeing, but just relaxing, doing a little work we’d brought along, going for walks and enjoying the warm weather. We wanted to also do the trip as cost-efficient as possible.
Full disclosure is that I had some conflicted feelings before we left. But in the end, John and I felt we’d be okay with the plan we’d made and the fact that we’d be traveling by car (and R-pod).
On Sunday when the news came of restaurants and bars closing down, the worry of being far from home and questioning the decision we’d made increased the anxiety I was feeling.
But again, in being honest, I also didn’t want to trap myself in the fear. I still feel that way. While I believe at my core this crisis will bring about a new and better world, the truth is that at times I too feel afraid. But I’m also feeling grateful for the practices I’ve put in place since beginning my spiritual journey twenty years ago as they are the foundation that is helping me.
Monday late afternoon we received notice from the KOA campground office that as of Wednesday they’d be closing indefinitely, though we were free to stay and they’d be available via phone. As I’m sure you’ve all felt in your own way, things just seemed to escalate so fast. It was at times hard to wrap our heads around what was transpiring.
Moments after receiving that notice, John and I sat in our R-pod and talked about how we were feeling. We were sad, mad, disappointed, and a myriad of our own individual feelings, but in the end, we decided to head back home.
I know I can’t live in that space of feeling guilt as it won’t serve me or anyone in a positive way. I also know I have to have compassion for myself. It’s something that really hit home as we were traveling the roads back home, the world still in many ways functioning around us. Coming across town after town along the highway seeing empty parking lots at malls, no lights on in many buildings, and closed signs on many restaurants (though some remained open), there was such diversity in perspective that flashed through my mind.
And as I circle back to continue to practice self-compassion, I find my heart cracking open more and more, and having compassion for others and their choices and situations, knowing that so many are doing the best they can – that they too are absorbing the enormity of what is unfolding the best they can and in their own time.
This morning as I woke, I looked out the window next to my bed. I keep the shade open about three inches to let in the morning light – and I heard and felt that peaceful energy my friend had written about earlier in the week.
It was, and is, deeply healing. This slowing down and coming back to what truly matters is at the heart of what I believe we are being called to do and this is what I believe will bring about a new world that has been wanting to be birthed for a long time now.
And as I opened the shades on the patio doors, I saw life fluttering about with my winged friends and a red squirrel taking great delight in eating birdseed. This moved me to another level of peace and healing. The animals are here guiding us and to remind us that there is hope. Thank you so much, sweet friends.
Much love and peace to each of you.
xo,
Barbara