It was one of those moments I didn’t see coming. But as I sat with it, I realized that indeed it had been coming. I had been feeling it but didn’t know if I was really ready to let go. As I process this letting go, moving through a practice session of yoga this morning, the card my mom sent me last week, which is now pinned to my wall, caught my eye. The front reads: Life is a collection of moments.
While it feels odd to be leaving a moment in time that meant so much to me, it also feels okay. It was another reminder that sometimes Spirit intervenes to help with a gentle nudge to encourage the bird that it is time to leave the nest. There are new ways in which it is time to spread its wings.
I believe this month would have been the beginning of our fifth year together. We met every second Wednesday of the month all these years. We began meeting at a coffee shop, three women and myself, supporting each other in our entrepreneurial endeavors, but soon enough our personal lives weaved into our discussions. As women, really, the two go hand-in-hand.
As our talks expanded and we deepened in our sharing and trust of each other, we felt the need for more privacy and began alternating meeting at each other’s homes. It was a time I looked forward to each month, and each time I walked away renewed in spirit and soul. During that time, we each moved through various transitions and grew in ways we never imagined.
When everything shifted with the pandemic, so did we, and we began to meet via Zoom.
But then late yesterday afternoon came an email from one of the women in our group. She had been presented with a lovely opportunity that required her to shift in her work schedule in order to take part in this new endeavor and thus the need to leave our group. While I was sad in one way, I realized this was the nudge I needed to be honest in what I’d been feeling.
It was time for me to move on too. It wasn’t that I no longer wanted to be a part of this group because that’s wasn’t it and I knew I was going to miss seeing them each month. But I knew in my heart it had served its purpose for me.
And so I replied back that I too felt like it was time for me to move on…and then came another and then another from the other two women. We had all been feeling the same thing and that a change was necessary. But no one wanted to break up the group because of what we mean to each other, but yet, we all realized this is the shift we needed to make.
So as I write this because writing is a way in which I process and integrate things, I also know many have gone through similar changes in life and I think it has become even more so this past year as we realize we are changed because of what we went through in 2020. What once served us we are realizing no longer does. That does not mean it’s bad, but that it just is.
And as I write this the tears I was holding back are finally coming to the surface along with a swirl of emotion. Letting go isn’t easy, even when you know it is time.
And I refer back to what I said at the beginning of this post — it feels odd, but it also feels okay. It also in another way feels lonely in wondering what is next for me personally, but also honoring the open space before me, and allowing what needs to come next, naturally.
While in one way it felt abrupt, I also felt this was coming, even when I couldn’t articulate or acknowledge it. It may feel like an ending, but it’s also a beginning as we all agreed we’d enjoy getting together just for fun now and then and to catch up.
There is really no end either when you walk away with wisdom and love embedded in your heart from time spent together and the way in which we held sacred and loving space for each other as we each evolved in our own unique way. That will always be a part of me and a part of them.
Here’s to this moment in time that will bring me to new moments in time to come…and to three extraordinary women who helped shape my life for the better.
XO,
Barb
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