Chapter 31
Gidget’s Reflection
As I moved through the next few weeks with a new sense of stability and peace, I also noticed a substantial change in Gidget. Most days in the late afternoon, I’d sit on the sofa in the living room to catch up on newsletters and blogs I subscribe to. Gidget would often appear at my feet and hop up and down on her front limbs indicating she wanted me to pick her up. But lately, I noticed, she either continued to rest in her kennel in the kitchen or would take up residence in her bed next to the sofa.
At first, I felt a bit hurt by this behavior. Didn’t Gidget want to be with me? But I soon realized she was experiencing the same sense of peace that I was. This brought tears to my eyes, for I now understood how hard she had been diligently working to help me know what it was I needed to work through. And that she had never once given up on me.
All these months she had patiently waited for me to get on board and feel better about myself, and now that I had done the necessary inner work she could rest. I understood what a relief it was for her, as a big load had been lifted off my shoulders too. She was likely feeling the same.
I hadn’t mentioned these changes to John, so when one evening he remarked how calm and different Gidget now seemed, I was surprised and overjoyed. It was such a sweet confirmation.
One day in late May, I was sitting on the deck with my friend Victoria, who had stopped in for a visit. We had been chatting for about a half-hour when I realized Gidget was lying contently at the base of my chair. This was highly unusual, as she always had to be on my lap when I had friends over. My eyes misted over as I mentioned this to Victoria. It felt incredibly good to know Gidget was so much more relaxed these days.
I still had moments of guilt, though they were far less frequent. When this emotion surfaced I’d remind myself of the animal reading I’d had done with Gidget earlier that year. I remembered how Dawn shared with me that it was important for me to know that Gidget and I were meant to be together for both our needs/desires. The more I came into my own empowerment, the more she did too.
I reflected on how when I set out to adopt Gidget that I wanted more than anything for her to be my companion. I didn’t want to share her with others in the way I had with Frankie. I wanted her all to myself.
I then thought back to 2006, when Frankie became paralyzed, and the period of transition she and I had gone through as we acclimated to her new needs. I also became more serious about my writing during that time, which led to the building of my writing cottage three years later. My world revolved around Frankie, writing books, visiting schools and libraries, and doing therapy dog work. Where I went, Frankie went. This also played out for a short while when Joie was in my life.
Gidget was a companion rather than a work partner, and thus I had learned to observe her differently. I’d come to realize how important it was to allow Gidget to be the dog she needed to be – not necessarily what I needed. For as long as I could remember, I had tucked a wiener dog under my right arm every morning and headed out to my writing cottage. To have a dog in my presence was always comforting and I enjoyed the companionship. But was I really honoring Gidget’s needs in doing this? Did she want to be with me all the time?
I decided to let her make her own choice. Each morning, instead of scooping her under my arm as I usually did, I’d stand at the patio door and call for her. During the warm months, she often chose to answer my call and come to lie on the deck. As fall approached and the days grew cooler, however, her choice was to stay tucked warmly in her bed inside the house.
I admit I missed her companionship as I worked in my writing cottage. But I came to appreciate the alone time for meditation time and journaling with my oracle cards before I dove into my work for the day.
Thinking back, I realized how often she couldn’t seem to settle in next to me as I meditated in my wicker chair. This was frustrating for both of us. Now that I was valuing the space she needed, rather than forcing her to be with me, the more I came to see the gift she’d given me.
This had me thinking in an expanded way about our relationships with our pets. I’ve come to believe on an even deeper level that the reason animals share this planet with us is that they are trying to get our attention and get us to do the essential inner healing work that most of us need to do in some capacity.
I realized how we often project our emotional needs onto our pets and cause them needless suffering. The fact that this is often done subconsciously only makes it more deserving of serious thought and consideration. We are here to learn the lessons that will help our souls evolve, and many animals agree to facilitate this journey. Helping us to see our deeper selves is the true essence of their teachings.
For me, this is evidenced by what I experienced with Gidget, who walked so lovingly beside me as I opened to the deep pain I’d carried for so long. Though it felt incredibly vulnerable, and painful, to share the resentment and anger I felt toward her, it also served as my wakeup call that something needed to be healed. Gidget was giving me an opportunity to enhance my life by facing my inner wounding and working through it, which in turn benefitted Gidget and John as well.
I still sometimes shuddered at the thought that I almost missed out on gaining this deeper insight, not to mention having Gidget here with me. But I was also grateful for the way Gidget came into my life and the journey we walked together. I recalled with some awe the first time I saw her picture and sensed there was something very wise about her, though I would only recently understand the true depths of that wisdom. She truly was my Buddha Dog.