Excerpt from I’m Fine Just the Way I Am – Healing Emotional Pain through the Wisdom of animals and Oracles
A section from Chapter 11: “White Wolf Named Laiola”
During my last counseling session with Pam, I was pleasantly surprised when she suggested taking me through a guided visualization. As I lay on the sofa of her home office, I was a little nervous. I had never experienced a guided visualization before and had no idea what to expect, but I also felt comfortable with Pam and trusted her.
Pam waited for me to get settled, then turned on calming music and gently began guiding me through the visualization.
I found myself coming to the base of a mountain. A stream gurgled nearby, and there was a large boulder before me that I felt called to sit on. I saw myself wrapped in a white hooded scarf my mom had recently knit for me.
A moment later, I saw in the distance a white wolf. At first I felt fear, but soon enough I sensed she was there to help me. I sat there, staring at the exquisite beauty of this wolf as she crept closer and eventually lay down at my feet. I remember how I was overcome with a feeling of deep and true love.
As we sat together at the base of the mountain, I felt safe and protected, and as if nothing could hurt me again. It was then that I saw a large heart with flames shooting out from all sides. I heard a message from the wolf that even though my heart had been deeply hurt I was not to let it close. It was essential to keep my heart open. She reminded me of my empathetic and compassionate nature. To shut my heart down would not only be a disservice to not only myself but to those I loved. There would be new friends I’d meet along my journey.
As I drove home down the country roads after the session, I knew I had to find a way to capture what I’d just experienced. It occurred to me that I was scheduled to take the training as a SoulCollage facilitator in one month’s time, and suddenly I knew what I would do to keep this experience alive.
When I arrived home, I searched online for different images of white wolves until I found the one that spoke to me as the one I saw during the visualization. I also printed out a picture of a mountain Dawn, who lives in Alaska, had recently posted on her Facebook page. It was that mountain I had seen during the visualization. When John came home later that day, I asked him to take a photo of me in the hooded knit scarf.
I gathered all the images and then collaged them onto a 5 x 8 piece of cardstock, which is commonly used in the SoulCollage© process. Once it was complete, I placed it on the altar in my writing cottage. It was a reminder of what I had experienced and to continue to stay tuned in to what my heart felt.
Even though I’d have moments of wondering if what I experienced was “real,” there was no doubt that it had changed me. Somehow I felt comforted and didn’t feel alone. I had found in this white wolf an ally to guide and support me.
I didn’t think much about the white wolf after that, at least not on a conscious level. Then, one night two years after her initial visit, she popped into my mind as I was I drifting off to sleep. I decided to test if there was indeed something more to our connection than what I’d experienced during the guided visualization.
I silently said, What’s your name, white wolf?
I didn’t really expect a response, though I figured if I did get one it would be a common name. I was quite surprised when I heard Laiola, which I had never heard before and was quite unusual. I was still a little skeptical, but it felt right in my heart. I decided I’d google it in the morning to see if I found anything. I was smiling as I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, I took to the internet to see if there was such a name as Laiola and, if so, whether there was any symbolism connected with it. When I wasn’t able to find anything, I took it as confirmation that what I’d heard the night before was meant solely for me.
Some may think there isn’t anything to this; some might think it’s crazy, but that doesn’t matter. I had this knowing in my heart. There was also, however, a part of me that still worried about judgment from others, so it would be some time before I felt comfortable sharing this experience.
