acceptance

Surrendering to Exactly Where I’m Meant to Be

Posted by Barbara Techel

Surrendering to Exactly Where I'm Meant to Be

It felt like I’d been hit by a freight train yesterday morning after having chills throughout the night on Monday. I definitely knew I was coming down with something.

For me to have a comforter, plus two heavy blankets covering me and still be chilled well, let’s just say, being a woman in menopause…this was quite unusual. 

While I shivered, my mind was active fighting the thought I was sick. I don’t want to be sick, I moaned inward. I have to many things on my ” to-do”  list.  Things I love and enjoy doing. I also had a lunch date scheduled that I didn’t want to miss.

But when morning came and every muscle in my body screamed when I tried to get out of bed, well, I knew I was going to have to surrender.  Though I still I had a bit of fight in me and wasn’t going to give in that easily.

While feeding the dogs I thought perhaps I could just get through the day, sick or not. But as I moved through the motions I knew that all I wanted to do was lie down again as soon as possible.

I reasoned that I’d just rest and sleep as needed on the sofa until early afternoon and then get some things done after that. I hardly ever get sick, so that looped through my mind too. What did I do to get sick?  I have to be more careful in taking care of myself, I silently scolded myself.

As the afternoon approached and I’d had many conversations in my head in-between sleeping, I had finally had enough. It was time to make peace with the fact that this was exactly where I was meant to be for the day. 

It’s just another one of those lessons and belief’s that we have bought into that we have to keep going, going, going. That to just rest is a sign of weakness.

Just then I glanced down at the end of the blanket, my dear faithful companion, Miss Gidget, asleep at my feet, and I felt myself sink deeper into being in the moment of what was.

Moments later, Kylie came into the living room, walking to the edge of the sofa and looked right into my eyes. I sensed she was there to comfort me too, and to assure me that I needed to stay put and rest.

Funny thing… when I came out to my writing cottage this morning, happy to be back in this sacred space that fulfills my soul, I glanced at the list I had made for Tuesday a few days before.

There was nothing pressing there. I had made it all up in my head. Everything on it could wait. Yesterday, and now in this moment, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Surrender…a gift of acceptance.

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What is Real Beauty? Embracing this Lesson of Acceptance.

Posted by Barbara Techel

What is Real Beauty? Embracing this Lesson of Acceptance.

On Sunday afternoon, my right eye became quite swollen. Monday morning I could barely open my eye as it was so puffy. I’ve been battling something going on with it since mid-October, trying all sorts of remedies to try to get rid of the redness, itching, and flaking on the lid of my eye.

I ended up going to urgent care yesterday morning and the doctor felt it is an allergic reaction to something and gave me some steroid creme to use. I’m hoping that’s the answer to this mystery, as the creme has helped with the swelling. Time will tell.

But it’s been an interesting process for me in terms of acceptance…and going out into the world without eye make-up on. I can honestly say that years ago I would not have ventured out, afraid for others to see me without make-up. Silly and trivial perhaps with so many more issues in much need of attention these days- but I’m pretty sure I’m not alone on this.

Our society places so much value on beauty, or what is perceived as – something I’ve wrestled with and worked through many layers of my own self-consciousness of for many years.

Just last night I watched a make-up video of a new mascara promising to give us those long, long lashes, so many wish for. I found myself getting depressed watching, not being able to wear make-up right now. I went to wash my face for the night and John walked in the bathroom as I was looking in the mirror.

I said, “I’m so ugly right now!”  

And then I caught myself. I was beating myself up. It didn’t feel good. I didn’t want to do that. I’m still me, red, swollen eye and all. I am not my looks. I am my heart. 

And it brings me back to the issues that need our attention right now in this world. It’s about re-framing our language. It’s about accepting all the parts of ourselves. It’s about healing the wounds we have of buying into what is perceived as true beauty and what makes a person beautiful.

So while not wearing make-up and being self-conscious about it may seem trivial, it really is much deeper. It’s about the fear of being judged. Of feeling not pretty enough. Or feeling not good enough.

It’s owning those fears and knowing they are false. That I am good enough. That I am enough. Make-up or not.

And as I got ready to meet a friend for lunch today, I stepped into my confidence shoes and walked proudly into the cafe.,, And had the most wonderful, uplifting, inspiring lunch with my friend, Connie. Something I would have missed out on had I let fear get in the way.

And this…this is what matters. Connecting. Sharing. And accepting others for who they are and where they are at. That is real beauty to me.

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A Mirrored Moment. I Am Who I Am.

Posted by Barbara Techel
A Mirrored Moment. I Am Who I Am.
Kylie. I Am Who I Am.

I was looking through pictures I took over the weekend of Kylie.

As I looked at this one, a stream of thoughts ran through my mind.

Kylie has never been a Lab who likes to fetch a ball or go swimming. She’s okay with walks as long as we don’t go too far. So I suppose one could say she isn’t your “typical” Labrador Retriever.

As I thought about these things, looking into her beautiful brown eyes, I heard, “I am Who I Am.”

I thought, “Yes, you are right Kylie, and I love you just the way you are.”

It also reminded me of a struggle I had for a long time in my life, which I’m happy to say I no longer carry.

But it was one of shame that I never had the maternal instinct to want children.

In a world where motherhood is expected of women (and I’m not knocking it! After all I have a dear mom and without her I wouldn’t be here), I often felt so odd, wondering at times if something was wrong with me.

I know better these days that nothing was ever wrong with me. It’s who I am. And just looking at Kylie and thinking about the way in which she is her own self is a beautiful reminder to be who we all authentically are.

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