Kylie sure does have it made!
A friend of mind sent me an email the other day about pre-grieving being a possible interesting topic for my blog.
She shared with me that for years before her 19-year old kitty died, she would cry about her dying someday. She would tell her how much she would miss her. She shared with me that she now does the same thing with her dog.
I never heard of the term pre-grieving before. But as I gave it more thought, I realized I did this with Frankie, more than any other pet I’ve had. I remember as I agonized over retiring her from her work, how hard it was. Seeing her slow down was really difficult. In part, it was because I didn’t want to think about what my life would look like when she was gone. Maybe this has to do with change, and how hard change is for many people. Of course, there seems to be so much more to the layers of this, too.
With Cassie Jo, my chocolate Lab, who passed in 2005, I knew she had limited time because of her bone cancer diagnoses. Thinking back, I tried hard not to worry, but there was always this looming question of “when” that day was coming. It was more palpable knowing there was no cure for her and the day I had to say goodbye was right around the corner.
With Joie, I really had no warning. It all happened so quickly. There was little time to pre-grieve, though as I think about driving home with her after knowing there really was nothing I could do for her, I was scared I was going to lose her. So I guess I was pre-grieving her, though the time was short for that process.
I wonder too in regards to Joie if the fact I had no time to pre-grieve is why it made her death seem so much harder for me.
I did a Google search and found that there is such a thing as pre-grieving. Though it seems to be geared more toward when a pet or person is getting older, or a serious diagnoses has been made.
In a class I took today, a woman spoke of her daughter leaving for college in a year-and-a-half and how they are beginning to look at colleges. She is thinking about the day she has to let her daughter go off on her own, and it isn’t easy. In a sense, she is pre-grieving what is to come. I know many of my friends with children have had this very same experience.
I can only speak for myself, but I think pre-grieving has much to do with letting go. We are creatures of habit and don’t always accept change so readily.
When it comes to the pets in my life, they truly fulfill me. Thinking of them not here someday is difficult. They bring me so much joy, and losing that joy is tough.
The helpful article I came across is called Pre-Grief: The Gateway to Grace, written by Kim Eisen, Success Coach and Master of EFT. In the article she says, “As a culture, we usually talk about grief in relation to death, but it is much more than that. Grief can start the moment you think something unpleasant might happen to you or is happening to you now. While experiencing this myself and with clients, it became so apparent that because grief may have already begun just with the thought that something may be lost, why not address it now? Even if the loss is or isn’t certain, the grief associated with it is still present.
To address this issue, I created a process called “Pre-Grief: Gateway to Grace.” By walking through the imagined loss prior to the event, while neutralizing the energy associated with it, it brings you to a higher state of grace when and if that event actually occurs. And, if it doesn’t occur, you have relieved the pain of the grief associated with the “not knowing” part of you that delves into the emotions of grief anyway.
This process can be done as soon as you have a thought about it and/or during the process of the cycle of grief.”
She goes on to say, “Grief is a normal process, but it doesn’t have to be painful or continue for long periods of time. It can be processed ahead of time. We’ve been told that you have to mourn for a certain length of time after the event to justify the loss or to express your loyalty to a person. I have come to find out this is absolutely NOT true after using this Pre-Grief process with myself and my clients.”
I really appreciate that Kim calls grief a “Gateway to Grace.” Isn’t that what we all want? Whether it is pre-grieving or grieving how do we find grace in that,is I think, a powerful and profound way to look at it.
I know for me personally, with each dog that has passed, I’ve experienced moments of grace with them on the other side, which I’ve written about with the signs I’ve received from them. Those are truly my moments of grace when we have connected, me in this world, and they in a different realm.
Interesting topic, don’t you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts and thank my friend for writing to me about this.
Click here to link to the rest of Kim’s article.
