It’s a chilly, damp spring day and the day after my book launch of I’m Fine Just the Way I Am and my heart overflows. If you had wanted to attend but weren’t able to make it, I recorded it and you can watch it below.
As with any creative project that involves the heart there is a myriad of feelings I’ve experienced from preparing for the launch, to the actual launch day, to now on the other side.
As John and I had a date night in our R-pod last night as we’ve been doing every Wednesday since the pandemic began, I was flying high with excitement and a heart that was lit up in feeling so supported and loved. John shared how happy he is for me and he knows what a journey this has been for me – for us. He then said in the sweetest tone, “Are you going to take a few days off?”
My heart melted and it resonated as that is just what I wish to do. My art journal pages have been calling me again. Last week I had printed out this photo of this sweet sheep as something about her is speaking to me, so I’m looking forward to just playing with paint and paper and seeing where it will take me.
Though I was very tired in a good way when my head hit the pillow last night, I woke at 2 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I had dropped down into that melancholy space of realizing something has ended and something new which I don’t quite know what that is has begun.
I honor it all as it is what continues to make my heart feel full of gratitude and peace. It was in the quiet of the morning then that this photo of the sheep called to me because she speaks of this softening within myself that is such a sweet space to be.
So off I go to just be for a few days. I’ll be back next week.
As promised, here’s the recording of my book launch. I hope you enjoy.
It was literally written in the stars (and planets) that I’d come to value my home as my safe harbor. I say this because I have three planets in the sign of cancer. Beauty, comfort and a safe place to express myself fully is high on my list of self-care.
I wanted to share more about my transition from the corporate world to working from home in hopes it will help those feeling uneasy about the fact they may now be working from home while we learn to navigate these uncertain times. And who knows when we move through this time, it may be something others may want to put more permanently in place. I see so many advantages to this. And perhaps this is a time of reflection and re-evaluating what you really want moving forward.
It was in the early ’90s when I was making decent money working at a local resort. It was also during that time I thought my worth was dependent on showing I’d ‘made it.’ During that time I purchased a sportscar and made the payments myself from the money I’d earned. But it wasn’t long afterward that the joy of that faded.
Fast forward to 1999 and an angst inside me was growing stronger by the day. I wanted out of the corporate world. It just didn’t fit with what I was feeling. And just to be clear, I don’t have anything against working in the corporate world, it just became clear to me that this wasn’t where I was meant to be.
There was a part of me that was scared though to make a change. How would John and I make it without my income? He’d just started a construction business four years prior. But there was another part of me that was willing to do what it took to make the changes to work from home.
So I started slowly. I left my job at the resort and worked part-time for John’s construction business and part-time for another local construction business. Until I was let go a few short years later from the latter. I remember how devastated I was. Mortified is more like the word. I’ve always considered myself to have a strong work ethic, so this was a blow to my ego.
But it would turn out to be a blessing in disguise. While I still continued to work part-time for John, this niggle of not feeling fulfilled and not understanding why would eventually lead me to a life coach in 2005. Through that deep dive of exploration, I’d explore becoming a writer. And well, if you’ve followed me for some time, two children’s books later, many blog posts and newsletters written I was living the life of a writer.
It took me time to find my groove working from home. In the beginning, I had strict rules for myself. I had to stay in my office, or what I fondly call my writing cottage— a 10 x 12 space that John built for me— as if I were at a nine-to-five job. I’d be upset with myself if I wasn’t in my cottage by 9 am.
What I’d come to realize over time that these were things that were conditioned into me. And I’d discover that this was really all about trusting myself. Working from home meant I was now entirely accountable for myself and that I was solely responsible for making sure I’d accomplish the tasks I’d set for myself.
From 2008-2012 I was working harder than I ever had in my life as I promoted my children’s books and along with my sidekick, my disabled dachshund, Frankie, who was in a wheelchair, we’d visit 400 schools and libraries, plus accomplish over 250 visits as a therapy dog team to local facilities.
And just as Frankie slowed down and then passed away in June of 2012, and I finished writing my first memoir, I was feeling strongly another transition occurring for myself. But again, as was my pattern, I ignored it. It being is that I no longer wanted to be out in the public eye in the way that I had been. I wanted to spend even more time at home.
When I finally faced up to the fact I needed to take a time-out I took the leap and made the decision to take a sabbatical for one month, perhaps two. As I mentioned in the intuitive oracle readingI recorded yesterday, the first two weeks of my sabbatical I about jumped out of my skin! It felt so uncomfortable moving from a fast pace to a pace of learning to just be and really listen to what my heart was trying to convey to me.
As I’d eventually share in my second memoir, journaling and using oracle cards to bring about new perspectives were two tools I used to help me as I moved from feeling anxious to find more peace within. I’ve never regretted that decision. It would end up being a beautiful time in my life, just like the experience I had with Frankie and the work we did all those years, too.
But what I’ve come to understand in times of uncertainty and those of transitional times, is to look for the gifts. There is a treasure hidden within if we take the time to really explore and be with it and not let fear take hold.
And I remember when a local TV station interviewed me at my writing cottage when all the rage was about ‘She Sheds,’ though in all honesty I never cared for the term. As with all things, there were some that find the concept of a space of one’s own as not necessary, but I was eager and passionate to express what my space has meant to me.
Being in the comfort of my home and my writing cottage has helped me grow beyond what I could have ever imagined for myself. It has been my soft landing of where I can feel free to be me. And the more I move deeper into this space of appreciating and loving myself for who I am, the more I can bring that out into the world in my own unique way.
So perhaps, just perhaps, there is something here that will be of value and to give thought to as we practice for at least another month this physical distancing and working from home. I’ve definitely found many gems with this and if this is speaking to your heart, I hope it will encourage you to find a way too. And if I can be of support for any transition you find yourself in, please feel free to reach out to me.
How are you doing? Know that I think of you often and I’m holding a place of love and peace in my heart for each of you.
So today I pulled two oracle cards for us asking the question: What do we all most need to know right now as we continue to navigate this time of uncertainty?
The first card I pulled from The Wisdom of the Oracle is Breathe and it came out in reverse. In this deck when in reverse it means protection.
I meditated longer than usual this morning and pulling this card I felt myself move to another level of calm and peace and actually let out a sigh when I turned the card over. It’s such a beautiful reminder that we must take time to really breathe right now. When uncertain and afraid, it’s a natural tendency to forget to breathe or breathe shallowly.
So this card is a reminder to check-in with yourself when fear arises. When we take time, even for two minutes to check how we are breathing and stop to take some deep inhales, it helps to settle our nervous system, which at times of fear and uncertainty as we are currently experiencing, puts us into fight or flight mode.
We tend to want to hold our breath when we feel fear as a way to control a certain outcome or situation. More now than ever, we are being called to go within and one of the best ways is through slowing down, tuning into our breath, and listening to our soul. This requires a great deal of trust at times, but I’ve found time and time again how beneficial and helpful it is. Remember to have patience with yourself and that this is a practice. One day, one hour, one moment at a time. We can do this.
When we connect to our breath, we connect to something far greater that is supporting us. It’s something we can tend to forget in times of stress. But our breath brings us back to that connection to how we define our higher power and helps us remember we aren’t alone.
The animal guiding us as we remember to breathe is a card I pulled from Animal Kin Oracle and it is Beetle with the word purity. Did you feel another shift to a more calm place within with that word purity? I sure did.
The symbol above the Beetle is representative of Spirit. When we tap into our breath and slow ourselves down we are cleansing our hearts of fear. When we do so, we can more easily feel that we are protected and being taken care of by an energetic force we can’t see, but can feel if we tap into moments of stillness and taking deeper breaths more often.
Sarah Wilder, author of this deck says this of Beetle: “These curious creatures have the ability to tunnel and burrow to chambers to store food.”
I see this as a message for us that in order to refill our reserves that may be feeling depleted during this time, it’s vitally important right now to take time to journey inward and look at what needs healing for ourselves personally. This will add to the collective in a transformational way as we each do our personal work.
I can’t tell you how often in the last week I’ve thought about the deep healing journey I took two years ago around this exact time as I healed a childhood wound which I wrote about in my newest memoir. I have felt such gratitude for having done that inner work. I feel certain it is what has helped me move through these challenging times with much more ease. I still have my moments of fear as I’m human just like anyone else, but the tools I’ve been practicing and tapping into for the past twenty years have been so helpful to me.
Beetle reminds us that we are being asked to clear out what no longer works, get out of our own way, and open to something far greater than we can even imagine right now.
While the Beetle has a hard shell, it’s wings open to the most beautiful of translucent colors and is such a sweet reminder that we will each experience this too as we stay connected to our breath, focus on healing, and tapping into what most matters. This is what will give our wings new life and together we will bring about a new and better world.
I’m Here to Support You
If you are struggling with how to cope through these challenging times, I’m here to support you with my oracle readings and intuitive guidance sessions. In my own life and the clients I’ve worked with, I’ve been so moved many times at how this simple, but profound tool, often guides us to see a perspective we’d not considered and how that can move us to a space of peace.
So please feel reach out to me if I can be of service to you. I’ve reduced my rates to help during this time to $60 for an hour session. You can email me through my contact page here or barb (at) joyfulpaws (.com) to set up a session.
