turning 50

Almost 50! Bring It On! What Authenticity Means to Me

Posted by Barbara Techel

bring on 50One week from today I will turn the big 5-0!  I’m excited! Let’s do cartwheels!  Ok, maybe not cartwheels. Maybe a somewhat fast, happy dance.

Authenticity to me is taking this photo of myself. I would never have dreamed of doing this years ago for fear of being judged. Who does she think she is taking a photo of herself?  But I’m happy to be alive!

Being authentic to me means many things.

I shall wear a skirt when I want. No special occasion but I just like how I feel when I wear one.

I shall express my joyful self instead of playing small.

I shall share my love of all animals, but especially those in dog wheelchairs.

I shall dance in the kitchen with John even if the neighbors see us through the window.

I shall sing loud in the car even when passing other cars instead of stopping in fear they may think I’m nuts.

I shall follow my heart.

I shall live by my own rules (without breaking the law, of course).

I shall say no to something that does not feel right to me.

I shall be nice to myself as I age.

I shall live my life in a way that is meaningful to me.

I shall express my thoughts and views about things with integrity and grace.

I shall do my best to find new ways to make a difference – big or small.

I shall live my life to the fullest.

Forward March to 50: Five Things You Didn’t Know About Me

Posted by Barbara Techel

I forgot to share my Forward March to 50 post yesterday- which I do the first and third Thursday of each month in celebration to the countdown to my 50th birthday which is July 18.  So here it is a day late. I thought it might be fun to share five things you may not know about me.

big hair

1.  I used to wear my hair REALLY big! Or would that be REALLY tall?  eee gads!

2. I wanted to be a go-go dancer when I grew up.  Ok, so I didn’t really realize what that really was when I announced that to my parents when I was little.  All I knew is I wanted those white boots!

3. I played the flute in highschool and marched in the band.

4. I started dating John (my hubby of almost 29-years) when I was 15 1/2.

5. I told John the first night I was with him that I loved him. Yup, I really did. And it all worked out. And each year I love him in a new and different way.

Forward March to 50: Owning My Sensitivity.

Posted by Barbara Techel

Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month until July 18th I will be sharing my thoughts about turning 50 which I will celebrate on July 18th.  And yes, I said, celebrate!

IMG_1505[1]

Joie snug in her papa’s sweatshirt

I’m a sensitive person. This was not always easy for me (sometimes still isn’t).  Saying this, I feel like I should have really started out by saying, “Hi. I’m Barbara Techel and I’m sensitive.” It, at times, has felt like a curse. I feel things deeply. So deeply I find it hard to sometimes express adequately what I’m feeling–at times there seem to be no words.

Many times I’ve not wanted to be so sensitive because when grief hits me, it hits me hard. Or when things bother me, they can wreak havoc in my head. I took to heart very personally things people have said about me, good or bad or whether those “bad” things were even justified, or just a perception.

As I move closer to hitting the big 5-0 and all the work I’ve done on my self care the last couple of years, I understand now that my sensitivity is a gift. When I feel sad or hurt, it leaves a deep wedge in my heart. When I feel joy, I feel this intense high, like I’m floating in the sky.

Last night as I turned off the light to drift off to sleep, Frankie was strong in my thoughts. I have not cried about her in quite sometime. But something came over me again and tears rolled down onto my pillow. At first, I was mad at myself for having not fully moved on yet, questioning why I still cry when thinking of her.

Her little spirit floats a little higher each day… and I think approaching the one year mark of her death in June, is having me feel like this. I felt her close as I thought about her in the darkness, while at the same time, I feel her resting more and more into a space of her own. As I find my way with Joie and our path, I think that helps her to find more peace too. I cried with happiness for not only her, but for me and for Joie, that we are finding our own special way.

I was reminded again that my being sensitive is a gift. I could not feel the joy that I do without the deep pain I feel at times too.  But being aware and allowing myself to move through my feelings last night, I realize is what I need to do to be me– to continue to be me. Forward March to 50!