It’s a chilly, damp spring day and the day after my book launch of I’m Fine Just the Way I Am and my heart overflows. If you had wanted to attend but weren’t able to make it, I recorded it and you can watch it below.
As with any creative project that involves the heart there is a myriad of feelings I’ve experienced from preparing for the launch, to the actual launch day, to now on the other side.
As John and I had a date night in our R-pod last night as we’ve been doing every Wednesday since the pandemic began, I was flying high with excitement and a heart that was lit up in feeling so supported and loved. John shared how happy he is for me and he knows what a journey this has been for me – for us. He then said in the sweetest tone, “Are you going to take a few days off?”
My heart melted and it resonated as that is just what I wish to do. My art journal pages have been calling me again. Last week I had printed out this photo of this sweet sheep as something about her is speaking to me, so I’m looking forward to just playing with paint and paper and seeing where it will take me.
Though I was very tired in a good way when my head hit the pillow last night, I woke at 2 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I had dropped down into that melancholy space of realizing something has ended and something new which I don’t quite know what that is has begun.
I honor it all as it is what continues to make my heart feel full of gratitude and peace. It was in the quiet of the morning then that this photo of the sheep called to me because she speaks of this softening within myself that is such a sweet space to be.
So off I go to just be for a few days. I’ll be back next week.
As promised, here’s the recording of my book launch. I hope you enjoy.
It is around 10 am as I write this today. The sun is out in full force enticing the grass from its slumber. My writing cottage window next to my desk is open a crack and I hear the sounds of sandhill cranes overhead.
Red squirrel as has been his daily visit to our deck and task of filling his tummy, I note the distinct sound of quiet that is outside my window except for the sounds of nature.
The stillness envelops my whole being as I sink into this space of knowing this is a new normal for all of us right now.
I recognize why I’ve been feeling, for the most part, calm during this time of uncertainty. For many years now I’ve been making these shifts within my own psyche to come as often as possible to this space of stillness.
I realize why it is that when I’ve gone out into the world I’d feel the angst and hurriedness from those around me. My daily life, for the most part, is spent in lots of quiet time, and over the years I’ve learned that not being in a hurry or stressed is actually a gift to my nervous system.
So as I sit here at my writing desk, the world outside and for many has come to a halt with staying put, I’m welcoming how this is feeling so good to my own being as more have joined with what I’ve been practicing for many years now.
And red squirrels symbolism of focused energy is an invitation that when we take this time to journey inward we come to discover things we may not have realized before in our hurried lives. And red squirrel reminds us of the important choice of the activity of play as one we all need more of in order to find our way back to what really matters.
It was literally written in the stars (and planets) that I’d come to value my home as my safe harbor. I say this because I have three planets in the sign of cancer. Beauty, comfort and a safe place to express myself fully is high on my list of self-care.
I wanted to share more about my transition from the corporate world to working from home in hopes it will help those feeling uneasy about the fact they may now be working from home while we learn to navigate these uncertain times. And who knows when we move through this time, it may be something others may want to put more permanently in place. I see so many advantages to this. And perhaps this is a time of reflection and re-evaluating what you really want moving forward.
It was in the early ’90s when I was making decent money working at a local resort. It was also during that time I thought my worth was dependent on showing I’d ‘made it.’ During that time I purchased a sportscar and made the payments myself from the money I’d earned. But it wasn’t long afterward that the joy of that faded.
Fast forward to 1999 and an angst inside me was growing stronger by the day. I wanted out of the corporate world. It just didn’t fit with what I was feeling. And just to be clear, I don’t have anything against working in the corporate world, it just became clear to me that this wasn’t where I was meant to be.
There was a part of me that was scared though to make a change. How would John and I make it without my income? He’d just started a construction business four years prior. But there was another part of me that was willing to do what it took to make the changes to work from home.
So I started slowly. I left my job at the resort and worked part-time for John’s construction business and part-time for another local construction business. Until I was let go a few short years later from the latter. I remember how devastated I was. Mortified is more like the word. I’ve always considered myself to have a strong work ethic, so this was a blow to my ego.
But it would turn out to be a blessing in disguise. While I still continued to work part-time for John, this niggle of not feeling fulfilled and not understanding why would eventually lead me to a life coach in 2005. Through that deep dive of exploration, I’d explore becoming a writer. And well, if you’ve followed me for some time, two children’s books later, many blog posts and newsletters written I was living the life of a writer.
It took me time to find my groove working from home. In the beginning, I had strict rules for myself. I had to stay in my office, or what I fondly call my writing cottage— a 10 x 12 space that John built for me— as if I were at a nine-to-five job. I’d be upset with myself if I wasn’t in my cottage by 9 am.
What I’d come to realize over time that these were things that were conditioned into me. And I’d discover that this was really all about trusting myself. Working from home meant I was now entirely accountable for myself and that I was solely responsible for making sure I’d accomplish the tasks I’d set for myself.
From 2008-2012 I was working harder than I ever had in my life as I promoted my children’s books and along with my sidekick, my disabled dachshund, Frankie, who was in a wheelchair, we’d visit 400 schools and libraries, plus accomplish over 250 visits as a therapy dog team to local facilities.
And just as Frankie slowed down and then passed away in June of 2012, and I finished writing my first memoir, I was feeling strongly another transition occurring for myself. But again, as was my pattern, I ignored it. It being is that I no longer wanted to be out in the public eye in the way that I had been. I wanted to spend even more time at home.
When I finally faced up to the fact I needed to take a time-out I took the leap and made the decision to take a sabbatical for one month, perhaps two. As I mentioned in the intuitive oracle readingI recorded yesterday, the first two weeks of my sabbatical I about jumped out of my skin! It felt so uncomfortable moving from a fast pace to a pace of learning to just be and really listen to what my heart was trying to convey to me.
As I’d eventually share in my second memoir, journaling and using oracle cards to bring about new perspectives were two tools I used to help me as I moved from feeling anxious to find more peace within. I’ve never regretted that decision. It would end up being a beautiful time in my life, just like the experience I had with Frankie and the work we did all those years, too.
But what I’ve come to understand in times of uncertainty and those of transitional times, is to look for the gifts. There is a treasure hidden within if we take the time to really explore and be with it and not let fear take hold.
And I remember when a local TV station interviewed me at my writing cottage when all the rage was about ‘She Sheds,’ though in all honesty I never cared for the term. As with all things, there were some that find the concept of a space of one’s own as not necessary, but I was eager and passionate to express what my space has meant to me.
Being in the comfort of my home and my writing cottage has helped me grow beyond what I could have ever imagined for myself. It has been my soft landing of where I can feel free to be me. And the more I move deeper into this space of appreciating and loving myself for who I am, the more I can bring that out into the world in my own unique way.
So perhaps, just perhaps, there is something here that will be of value and to give thought to as we practice for at least another month this physical distancing and working from home. I’ve definitely found many gems with this and if this is speaking to your heart, I hope it will encourage you to find a way too. And if I can be of support for any transition you find yourself in, please feel free to reach out to me.
