writing life

Signs of Spring. There’s a Dachshund in Here Somewhere Too.

Posted by Barbara Techel

Signs of Spring. There's a Dachshund in Here Somewhere Too.

This past Wednesday, the first official day of Spring, I was brought to tears when I pulled the goddess Gaia from the Power Goddess Oracle deck. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. A swirl of emotions spiraled through me.

This card couldn’t have been more perfect. Not only for the changing of the season and one of re-birth but also the self I’ve given birth to over the past year. I saw myself in Gaia and I liked what I saw.

A year ago this time was quite different as I was moving through such an intensely emotional time. As I continue editing my latest book, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am, I’m able to witness through the words I’ve written and of how far I’ve come. 

This spring feels and looks quite different to me. The light is absolutely freeing and brilliant. The smells and sounds, from birds singing, to the church bells ringing, and children playing in the park have me feeling enthusiastically alive. And so very grateful that I am.

The second card I pulled Wednesday morning from a deck called Moonology fit beautifully with Gaia. As I saw it as a reflection of when we do the hard work of working through what isn’t always easy, it truly is a re-birth that occurs, as we can’t help but be changed.

And in being honest, I had a brief sad moment, of which I’ve had before, especially the older I get, that I’ll never experience giving birth to a child. But I allow it to surface and acknowledge it. And then I remember all the different ways I have given birth. This was my journey to walk. I have no regrets.

And it’s in the simple pleasures of gathering up the bedding this morning and once through the washing machine to hang it all on the line, I find grounding and a peaceful space within. I never tire of this. It feels like a ritual from long ago and echoes of others who enjoyed this too, though I can’t quite hear, but yet I feel them near.

It also may only be in the mid-40s as I write this to you, but I just couldn’t help but put a pair of flip-flops on. I’m most happy in either boots or flip-flops – nothing in-between. As silly as it may sound, there would have been a day I’d not felt comfortable in sharing a photo of my feet without my toenails painted. It feels so freeing to let go of some of the inhibitions that can make life more complicated than it needs to be.

The sun streams through the bedroom windows at new angles with the changing of the light and the season. And one not to miss out is Miss Gidget. And add to her sweet spot soaking up the sun is burrowing her way into the sheets that lay on the floor before they found their way to the laundry room.

And this…this provided me another simple pleasure that made my heart happy. And as promised in the title of this blog post, I did say there was a dachshund in here somewhere. Anywhere there is sun and blankets or sheets in this case, is the perfect place for a wiener dog to nestle.

Signs of spring abound. And it’s understanding the darkness as a gift that makes the light all the more profound and beautiful.

XO,

Barbara

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The Blooming of New Life

Posted by Barbara Techel

The Booming of New Life

Every time I visited my dear friend Miss Marie’s home, I’d marvel at her Christmas cactus in the south window of her kitchen. I remember how she told me it was her grandmother’s. When her grandma died, Miss Marie inherited it. That cactus was well over 100 years old!

The past two years my Christmas cactus hasn’t bloomed. Recently I decided to re-pot it to see if that helped. Perhaps that is what did the trick to entice this blossom to burst forth, along with two other small buds that will eventually bloom, also.

But I can’t help but think it’s a wink from Miss Marie who passed away three weeks ago today. Not a day has gone by since she died that I’ve not thought of her. While her transition has her blooming in a new way, this cactus bloom has me thinking of how absolutely beautiful it must be wherever she is.

Signs of spring are showing up more and more each day. Just the other day, the sun abundant and warm, the snow melting and the sound of water rushing through the sewer grates, and the chirp of Robin’s who have returned, I found myself talking to Miss Maire. “Oh, Miss Marie!” I said. “I wish you were here to see spring just one more time.”

She loved birds and I’m sure she would have been tickled to see them. But then I smiled and tried to imagine how exquisitely beautiful it likely is where she now resides.

Spring is in bloom just as Miss Marie is blooming in a new place in the cosmos.

P.S. I hope to be back to more blogging again. I’ve missed it. But I also needed to center my focus on the writing of my new memoir. I’m happy to say I now have the manuscript printed and am editing it line-by-line with a brand new red pen. Next, it will be off to the editor. But now without the actual writing of my book, I’m feeling the call to return here to write when the niggle tickles me!

XO, Barbara

 

Christmas at My Writing Cottage and Narrowing in on First Draft of My New Book

Posted by Barbara Techel

Christmas at My Writing Cottage and Narrowing in on First Draft of My New Book

While my writing cottage is olive-green, the green spotlight shining on it at night, decked out for the holidays, it casts this lovely magical glow. Don’t you just want to open that Victorian screen door and step inside for a cup of hot cocoa?

Since 2009 I’ve spent countless hours in this 10 x 12 cozy and quaint space my husband, John lovingly built for me. Two children’s books, one how-to book, and two memoirs have been written within these four walls. Not to mention the oodles of blog posts and newsletters too!

Speaking of books, I’m closing in on the first draft of my third memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am. I hit the 100 typed pages mark today. Not that I’m necessarily basing this book on a page count. But it’s a nice marker to know in that my last two memoirs were 120 typed pages (before formatted in book layout form). Also gauging it on what I’ve written so far, the notes I’ve taken along the way of what I want to include, and the rough outline I created at the beginning, I’m at this delicious point of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

But don’t get me wrong… I have a long ways to go yet. After this first draft is complete, I will dive back in to shape it until I feel it is good for an editor’s eyes to read. But it feels so good to be to this point.

Today I wrote a section for the book about how I came to realize I wasn’t always honoring Gidget’s needs. Not an easy thing to admit or write about. But it’s something I came to observe about myself and my needs and felt it important to share.

Every morning, for many years, since Frankie, then Joie, and now Gidget, when I was ready to get to work, I’d tuck a dachshund under my right arm and out to my writing cottage I’d go. It was always comforting to have a dog companion with me as I spend so much time alone.

But as things unfolded for Gidget and I and the inner focus I was called to do this year because of Gidget and what she was trying to help me understand, I came to see Gidget in a new way.

This book, unlike the others before them, has been written without Gidget holding space for me within my writing cottage. I came to realize this year that perhaps it wasn’t her thing. While it was difficult at first, when I let go and allowed her to make her own choice and she more often than not, chooses not to be in my writing cottage with me. 

While I miss seeing her sweet face within this space, the fun part is that when I do make trips into the house, which I do often, there are times she comes bouncing around the corner to see me. So it’s happy little reunions like this throughout the day that always make me smile.

I can’t help but think too that as women we don’t always value time for ourselves or really appreciate the importance of it. While I’ve written about, and talked about this often over the years, I’ve had much to learn too. While I don’t have kids, my dogs, have at times, filled in the gap for my emotional needs.

It’s made me examine myself more closely and has had me paying more attention to what it is that Gidget may need that I wasn’t allowing her to experience because of my needs. More often than not these days, she chooses to stay in the house while I work in my writing cottage. This past summer she chose to lie on the deck and rarely spent time in my writing cottage. 

I’ll admit this took some getting used to on my part. I had to sit with my feelings of not feeling rejected, and I while I do miss her being in this space with me, more often than not, my heart feels good in honoring her space and what she needs. And in turn? It makes me appreciate all the more of what it is I need too.

Thank you, as always, for being part of my community here. I’m so grateful!

XO,

Barb