self healing

A Fresh New Start in My Writing Cottage

I woke up Sunday morning with the niggle to clean up my writing cottage. So I spent the day decluttering, dusting, re-arranging, discarding and sweeping. I could hardly wait to come out to my writing cottage Monday morning as the new, refreshing energy was calling to me.

Walking through the door I was giddy with the light and airy feeling that embraced me. I just sat in my chair and took a moment to slowly look all around the room. It felt like I was floating on a feather that was ever so gently drifting in the wind.

I thought about how my latest book is complete. I have a clean slate and another opportunity at a fresh new start.

Looking at my altar(the photo above) which takes on different objects throughout the seasons, I thought about Gidget. In May it will be one year since she moved on. Her photo had been on my altar since then. I can’t tell you how often I looked at it, talked to her, and stroked the body and ears of the photo.

I also knew yesterday as I cleaned and re-arranged that it was time to move her from the altar. My altar—a space where I go for my inward work— pulling oracle cards, journaling my thoughts, connecting with my heart, and one that supports my continued healing journey.

While there are times I still miss her physical presence these last nine months have also been filled with what I find so difficult to put into words— it’s been a time of what I can only describe as a deepening of my love and gratitude for her and how she walked so very lovingly beside me as I went through a very dark time.

I’ve often said, and will continue to say because it’s what I believe, is that we are all a work in progress and we are always in some phase of healing. Gidget’s teaching continues to be such a blessing and I’ve found myself expanding on it even though she is gone. I welcome being in this new space of relationship with her. I feel also like I’ve moved into a new space of healing and why I felt called to move her photo from the altar. 

I placed the photo on my writing desk and to the right of my computer. This feels symbolic to me. She was the one that patiently and with such devotion stood by me through it all – knowing and believing I could find my way out of the darkness. She is the one that helped me finally accept that I am worthy – just as I am. I know and feel this now.

Having her photo on my desk where I can see her and she is looking back at me is a nod to her wise, healer self, and her beautiful teaching to me that I’ve learned to embody that says, this is me and I’m Fine Just the Way I Am.

My writing cottage has a fresh new start, my heart one too, and my relationship with Gidget that continues to evolve and is my beacon of guiding light I feel so remarkably blessed to have.

xo,

Barbara

 

A Book Review of a Book I Really Hope You Will Consider Reading

I want to first start by saying that I understand many have a fear of snakes. I did too. And I certainly don’t mean to cause anyone any angst. While my story of an encounter with a snake is included in my friend Dawn’s book, that experience truly changed my life for the better. Along with the depth of research and history included, plus other personal stories, I believe this book is so important to where we are now as a society and the chaotic times we find ourselves in and the potential this book has to help us heal and evolve.

I hope you will consider reading my review and also reading Dawn’s book.  xo, Barbara

MY BOOK REVIEW OF “AWAKENING THE ANCIENT POWER OF SNAKE” 

What I respect and admire about Dawn as a friend, writer, and mentor is what I’ve learned from her— and that is— the value and importance of stepping back and taking time to give serious contemplation to the ‘why’ of our fears as a way in which can lead us to a larger perspective.

And this book, Awakening the Ancient Power of Snake invites us to do exactly that.

Throughout my review, I’ve sprinkled a few passages from the book that spoke to me (they are in italics). Though, honestly, it was hard to choose as there were many.

So – full disclosure – my story and my encounter with a snake are included in the book. But here’s the thing—I almost backed out.  It was too much at the time— on many different levels— to bear the judgment I feared by sharing it.

I can’t say I ever hated snakes, but like many, I did have a fear of them. It was hard for me to even look at a photo of one. But one day I came across a mama snake and her four babies who were all perished. I still recall how I was moved to tears because it all felt so tragic.

This is when I learned how to dance with the wisdom of Snake and was thoughtfully and compassionately guided by Dawn.

“Learning from snakes isn’t necessarily about becoming friends, but rather about seeing them for who they are.”

Would I have been drawn to read this book had I not encountered a snake or knew of Dawn, or my willingness to explore what snake had to teach me?  Perhaps not.

But like my personal experience with a snake, which changed my life in profound ways, so too has this book elicited another shift and awakened another level of understanding for having read it.

“Snake: protector of our psyche and champion of our eventual awakening.”

I was blown away by the in-depth research and rich history Dawn shares about Snake – something that as a young person I was easily bored by or didn’t understand.  But as I’ve grown older and wiser, I’ve come to realize the utmost importance of understanding our history and even more vital, the relation to it as to where we are today as a society.

Reading about the ancient wisdom of snake and goddess— and how that part of our history has been pushed down and even looked at as evil at times, had me vacillating between angry and sad. But it also had my respect for snake deepening even more and how they can guide us to not only evolve individually but as a planet if we open our hearts to these teachings.

“The challenge is to see snake as it really is. By accepting the challenge we may discover far more about both snakes and ourselves than we might ever imagine.”

There have been times in my life where I thought I was nuts because of how I see things in a way that perhaps others don’t understand—and then even more so when I was challenged to go deeper into my psyche because of my encounter with a snake.

But I’m grateful to snake for initiating me, for the other stories in Dawns’ book that were even more confirmation of the healing powers of snake, for the abundant wisdom Dawn has personally gained and so generously shared, and the wide array of research Dawn has included to help us understand snake through myths, history, dreams, science, and so much more.

“I think everything the ancients and alchemists knew about Snake is true and needed now—today, more than ever. Snake’s wisdom is vital to us during this time of planetary upheaval and profound paradigm shifts. As noted in the introduction, “Snake appears in the collective dream when change is most desperately needed.” And that is where we are.

The global transformation we are currently experiencing (which feels like a madness and destruction to so much of the world) is part of an immense shift, a move from rigid patriarchal rule to a more balanced consciousness that reunites nature with spirit, sacred masculine with sacred feminine, and more. Snake’s expertise in bringing together that which is separated and disjointed—something that is essential right now to our survival as a species.”

Lastly, though I initially had great fear around my story being included in this book, I’m now honored to be a part of it. Over the years I’ve come to deepen in respect for all animals (not just the cute and cuddly ones). I believe at the core of my heart, animals are some of our greatest teachers and are here to help us heal and evolve. It’s when we can look at those we consider scary, even repulsive, that I’ve personally gained some of my most profound teachings, and for that, I consider it a great honor to not only be a part of this book but to also share it with others.

Thank you to Inner Traditions Bear & Company for an advanced reading copy.

Here is a wonderful video from Dawn talking about why she wrote the book. Also for more information about the book and Dawn’s other books and her work visit her website, Animal Voices.

Snake Goddess Intuition Doll pictured above is by artist Maria Wulf.

He No Longer Sends Me Flowers

It’s been years since John sent me flowers.

Dating and then becoming a young wife I admit I expected them. Isn’t that what one does on occassions such as Valentine’s Day, Birthday’s or Sweetest Day? Isn’t that what we’ve been taught to believe?

Oh, the times I was hurt, angry or sulked when I didn’t get flowers. 

Didn’t John love me?

This is what I thought.

My mind would spiral down the rabbit hole. I took it so. very. personally.

The blessing of growing older is that I’ve learned to laugh at myself.

I’ve also realized that the gift of this life is to love yourself. 

And the interesting and beautiful thing that has happened?

John has loved me even more than I could have ever imagined.

He hears and understands me even in times when I think he doesn’t, yet I continue to be who I am because this is what makes me happy.

And then one day he comes home from work with a big smile on his face.

Digging deep into his pocket he says, “I brought you a surprise.”

Wondering what it could possibly be I say, “You did?”

He walks toward me with his hand open. 

I see he has a handful of black stones.

All shiny except for one that looks more like a rock.

I sense his proudness as he hands them to me.

“They are Apache stones,” he says.

“I’ve never heard of Apache stones.” 

“Look it up,” he says. “They are from Arizona.”

He tells me they are currently installing a fireplace in the house he’s been building.

The inset around the fireplace has many different stones from Arizona embedded in it.

He hands me what is left of the stones that the homeowner gave him.

I look up the meaning of stones. They are referred to as Apache tears and here is what it says:

These stones were left scattered across the desert, where they can now be found.

Their historical meaning is that these stones are powerful to heal you if you are feeling grief and emotional distress.

“I love stones,” I said. “Thank you.” 

“See? I do listen to you,” he says with a grin. “I thought you’d like them.”

Pondering the meaning of the stones it runs through my mind the fact that John’s Dad passed away two weeks ago. 

It’s been a tender time. 

I’ve witnessed a softening of John and sense an expansion of his heart.

I think about that someday should I be the one left.

My warrior. The one who has seen me at my best and also at my very worst.

Yet he has always stood by me.

I don’t need flowers. I never did.

All I ever needed was to be me.

And my warrior has loved me all the more for it.

Tears I hope to never have to shed should John die before me, but if that should be, I will do so with the deepest of love for the man who has walked beside me and loved me as who I am.

xo,

Barbara

Resource: https://meanings.crystalsandjewelry.com/apache-tear/