While eggs boiled on my stove earlier this afternoon, I watched out my kitchen window as a mom and her little girl walked down the street toward the park. Even though it’s a blustery and chilly day, the little girl didn’t seem to notice.
The mom stopped to take her hands out of her pocket and draw in the strings on her hood tighter, while the little girl skipped and bounced happily ahead. I noticed then that the mom was carrying a large clear plastic bag and the little girl was picking up litter and putting it inside the bag.
I thought about how that little girl not affected by the cold was also perhaps not likely as deeply affected by the happenings in our world as she took delight in what she was doing.
My heart then burst open for the sheer joy she was exuding as well as wanting more than anything for her little heart to never experience pain or sorrow.
And as I watched her it came to me once again that we can make a choice to live with joy in any given moment just like that little girl picking up trash and no matter what is transpiring in the world around us.
As I searched for a photo of a little girl skipping to share with this post I couldn’t find one. This led me to wonder if I had a photo of myself as a little girl skipping. While I found many happy pictures of me, I didn’t find this particular one.
But I did see this one of me at six months old. Looking at the photo of myself I felt that same burst in my heart and tears filled my eyes.
In my book, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am I share the experience I had in the winter of 2018 when I had a healing session with a transformational breathwork practitioner. As the session was winding down and I was in resting mode I saw in my mind’s eye myself at six months old. It was in that moment I felt this surge of loving energy wrap itself around me and I knew without a doubt that I’d always been loved and that I was worthy just as I was.
All the doubts and fear I’d carried with me for fifty-some years had melted away in an instant at that moment. I never felt so safe or protected. It’s not that my parents didn’t care for me and love me, as they did, and I’m very blessed in that way.
But it was the experience of my childhood wounding from being touched inappropriately as a young girl that took that away from me. It instilled within me this shame and pain and feeling of unworthiness that followed me throughout my life.
As I’ve done the inner work over the years to heal that wound one of the gifts I believe from it is that it has helped me to be the optimistic person I am today. Despite that wounding experience, I made the choice to find joy where I could and try to look for the positive in many situations.
And that little girl bouncing down the road was a reflection of me and of all of us, really. We have all experienced some degree of pain in our lives and it is just part of this human experience. Though I’d love for that little girl I saw to not feel heartache or pain in her life, I know that it isn’t possible.
But what I would tell her is that she can still make the choice to thrive and find joy no matter what.
xo,
Barbara
