animal lessons

Christmas at My Writing Cottage and Narrowing in on First Draft of My New Book

Posted by Barbara Techel

Christmas at My Writing Cottage and Narrowing in on First Draft of My New Book

While my writing cottage is olive-green, the green spotlight shining on it at night, decked out for the holidays, it casts this lovely magical glow. Don’t you just want to open that Victorian screen door and step inside for a cup of hot cocoa?

Since 2009 I’ve spent countless hours in this 10 x 12 cozy and quaint space my husband, John lovingly built for me. Two children’s books, one how-to book, and two memoirs have been written within these four walls. Not to mention the oodles of blog posts and newsletters too!

Speaking of books, I’m closing in on the first draft of my third memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am. I hit the 100 typed pages mark today. Not that I’m necessarily basing this book on a page count. But it’s a nice marker to know in that my last two memoirs were 120 typed pages (before formatted in book layout form). Also gauging it on what I’ve written so far, the notes I’ve taken along the way of what I want to include, and the rough outline I created at the beginning, I’m at this delicious point of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

But don’t get me wrong… I have a long ways to go yet. After this first draft is complete, I will dive back in to shape it until I feel it is good for an editor’s eyes to read. But it feels so good to be to this point.

Today I wrote a section for the book about how I came to realize I wasn’t always honoring Gidget’s needs. Not an easy thing to admit or write about. But it’s something I came to observe about myself and my needs and felt it important to share.

Every morning, for many years, since Frankie, then Joie, and now Gidget, when I was ready to get to work, I’d tuck a dachshund under my right arm and out to my writing cottage I’d go. It was always comforting to have a dog companion with me as I spend so much time alone.

But as things unfolded for Gidget and I and the inner focus I was called to do this year because of Gidget and what she was trying to help me understand, I came to see Gidget in a new way.

This book, unlike the others before them, has been written without Gidget holding space for me within my writing cottage. I came to realize this year that perhaps it wasn’t her thing. While it was difficult at first, when I let go and allowed her to make her own choice and she more often than not, chooses not to be in my writing cottage with me. 

While I miss seeing her sweet face within this space, the fun part is that when I do make trips into the house, which I do often, there are times she comes bouncing around the corner to see me. So it’s happy little reunions like this throughout the day that always make me smile.

I can’t help but think too that as women we don’t always value time for ourselves or really appreciate the importance of it. While I’ve written about, and talked about this often over the years, I’ve had much to learn too. While I don’t have kids, my dogs, have at times, filled in the gap for my emotional needs.

It’s made me examine myself more closely and has had me paying more attention to what it is that Gidget may need that I wasn’t allowing her to experience because of my needs. More often than not these days, she chooses to stay in the house while I work in my writing cottage. This past summer she chose to lie on the deck and rarely spent time in my writing cottage. 

I’ll admit this took some getting used to on my part. I had to sit with my feelings of not feeling rejected, and I while I do miss her being in this space with me, more often than not, my heart feels good in honoring her space and what she needs. And in turn? It makes me appreciate all the more of what it is I need too.

Thank you, as always, for being part of my community here. I’m so grateful!

XO,

Barb

My (almost) Solo Excursion

Posted by Barbara Techel
My (almost) Solo Excursion
Me and G enjoying a fire.

Since 1995 I’ve had at least one dog, though most of the time two. Since Kylie passed in November, we are down to just one. And one it will be. We’ve decided no more big dogs. As I’ve also mentioned before in my posts, Gidget will also be my last special needs pup I’ll adopt. 

What a journey it has been. There are times I’m so ready to be on my own without caring for a canine companion, but then there are other times I just can’t imagine not having a dog after Gidget moves on. For 24 years now there has always been a bundle of fur to cuddle up to in our household. But I feel ready for a break when that day comes.

Earlier in the week I set off on an excursion by myself. Well, that is…almost by myself, as I had my ever faithful sidekick with me, Miss G. But this was something I’d not done before in my almost 55 years which was to venture off without another human being with me. To stay in an RV in a campground. Two hours away. By myself.

It was a big deal to me. Three days to myself. I registered for a half day writing workshop, which was on Tuesday. That was such a treat. I enjoyed every moment of discussion and free writing about forgiveness and compassion. It was exactly what I needed.

The first night in the very quiet campground I swear I heard every little thing that went bump in the night. 🙂 I woke up often and at one point I wondered why I had done this. I wanted to go home.

But I stuck it out. Gidget was curled up in her little bed next to me in the big bed and that was quite comforting. It made me wonder though what it would be like to be in the RV without her. It was then I felt an overwhelming gratitude to have her part of my life. 

I’m treasuring even more these days my time with her, even though I still have my moments of looking forward to how my life will unfold when she is no longer here. It’s been difficult at times for me to express this here on my blog for fear of judgement. While I’ll miss her greatly when she departs, I have to be honest and say that after caring for three disabled dachshunds since 2006, there will be relief in not having that responsibility.

Each dog has brought me to this place I am today. More comfortable in who I am. Standing stronger on my feet than I’ve ever felt before. And it’s because of Gidget and so much she has taught me that I feel ready to be solo out in the world someday. For how long that will be, I don’t know. But I’m not meant to figure any of that out right now.

This three day solo excursion was a wee little taste of being on my own as John stayed behind understanding that this was something I needed to do. I’m proud that I did this. Whenever we take a leap and dive into our fears, well, the end result is feeling like you can do just about anything!

While I’m glad to be back home and don’t need to venture out on a solo excursion for awhile again, I’m really glad I challenged myself. I feel changed in subtle ways and it just really feels like this is all the part of the process of what lies ahead as I continue to expand in who I am.

Thanks for reading!

XO,

Barbara

Cycles of Life. A Writers Life. My Life.

Posted by Barbara Techel
Writing has so many cycles like life - I'm in the waiting game right now.
Joie and Me. Summer of 2013.

I was thinking about the cycle of life today. How things come and go. Another Mother’s Day has come and gone. Spring, for the most part, has sprung, and before we know it, we will be in the heat and humidity of summer.

The cycle of life, how at times speeds by, but then other times feels like it is crawling slowly along like a snail.

My manuscript for Wisdom Found in the Pause, my second memoir, has been with my editor almost three months now.

A book that took me over three years to get to the point of feeling comfortable and handing it over to my editor. A hurdle I wasn’t sure I’d be able to jump. But yet, I did.

Just like many things in life, there are always hoops to jump through. Some we can do without a thought, some we ponder for what seems eternity.

It felt that way, writing my second memoir, like trudging through very thick muck at times. My own fear and questioning if it was “good enough” was the mud I was trying to see through.

My vision for it not quite clear yet, as I still have some doubts. But I’m hopeful with my editor’s feedback I will find that opening of freedom all writers strive for- that moment they know without a shadow of doubt the book that won’t not let them rest, will make its way out into the world.

Writing has so many cycles like life – the idea for a book – the endless hours of writing – the courage summoned to release it to an editor – the thoughts that invade at the oddest times- the wrestling of doubt, fear, and questioning during the waiting game.

I’m in the waiting game right now, which for awhile was a comfortable place to be. I was relieved to let my manuscript go to my editor when I did in February, and take a break from it. There comes a point when you just have to do this in order to make it better.

But now, I find myself in the not-being-so-patient process of wanting to know that all my devotion and hard work can actually be a book I release to my audience.

Waiting for confirmation from my editor that the manuscript, which will no doubt need lots more work, but hope I rest in the arms of that it is doable.

And the place in the cycle I am now is that I am eager to get back to work on whipping it into the shape. But I must wait.

And I envision when I can say it is complete…and I can let it go…and it moves out into the spaces and places it needs to go.

But now, in this moment, suspended in time, hanging slightly off balance, I await the fate of what it will actually be.

Not yet fully knowing, but leaning heavily into my faith that a divine plan is already in place.

And just like I had to do when things unfolded so rapidly in my dachshund, Joie’s, short-lived life with me, of which I write about in this book. How it seemed to spin way too fast, but yet stopped me dead in my tracks when I had to make a gut wrenching decision to do what I felt was best for her.

How that decision led to the next phase which was a period of transition for me – and that was a whole process of cycles too. And a cycle I had fought against the whole year before. Until I knew I had to look it straight in the face or let it continue to disrupt my inner world.

Days come and go. We create, struggle, fly high, let go, look back, look forward, and search for peace in-between…where peace is always faithful in that it resides here always beckoning us to see that this is truly the only cycle that matters.

And so it is.

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