animal teachers

Pet Grief: Integrating it one Pauseful Moment at a Time

Pet Grief: Integrating it one Pauseful Moment at a Time

It’s been a little over two months since Kylie left her earthly trail and now travels among the stars. With the full moon last night, driving home from date night with John, I couldn’t take my eyes off that mystical and magical glow in the night sky.

Alone in my thoughts I felt the presence of Kylie now a part of the vast universe and that exquisite orb so full of wonder and mystery. I’ve thought about her everyday since she moved on, and Tuesday afternoon on a saunter through the woods, I carried in my pocket a portion of her ashes to scatter.

It was a part on the trail I remember well and can still see Kylie standing there waiting for me in the early fall of 2013. It was a sacred and special time between her and and I when I took a two month sabbatical after my dachshund Joie, passed away. We formed a bond during that time which was magical and needed.

Scattering part of her ashes at this spot on the trail had been nudging at my heart for quite a few weeks now. But I wasn’t ready until now. In part, because I’ve been working through some things I needed to understand, and how her last days unfolded.

I don’t want to live in “what if’s” or regret, but instead honor her life by the many gifts she was to me and John, and also the gift of her legacy, which has come into full view with the help of two friends who have been thoughtful reflections for me the last few weeks.

So as I stood at this spot in the woods where I fondly recalled many happy days walking with Kylie and where our bond grew by leaps and bounds, I invoked an ancient Hawaiian practice a friend recently told me about. It spoke to me as the final piece I’d been waiting for to guide me to close the gap of healing that needed to take place.

It’s called Ho’oponopono and can help restore harmony within, and with others by saying, ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.’

And so with each statement, beginning with ‘I’m sorry,’ I talked out loud to Kylie surrounded by the trees, standing on the very spot of the earth where I still see her face so full of joy and her heart bursting with love.

While what I talked to her about is private and between her and me, there were tears that I was finally able to release that had been whirling around in this inner black void.

As I shared with Kylie some things I was sorry about and wished I could have done differently, a hawk swooped across the trail about ten feet in front of me. It happened so fast, but yet it was as if time stood still as I was in complete awe.

Hawk’s appearance for me in that moment and what I’ve percolated in what I feel it meant, is that I believe Hawk symbolized not dwelling in the sorry, but to understand the deeper and true message of my life with Kylie. I take it as I was meant to swiftly move into the statement that was the hardest for me which was, ‘please forgive me.’ 

And once I did, and worked through that sharing with Kylie, this abundance of joy flooded my whole body as I then thanked her for all she was to me, and still is.

The final statement, of which is never truly final, and that of ‘I love you,’ opened the floodgates of pure, unconditional love. It brought me to this new place of healing for having taken the time to pause and remember that we truly can connect with those that are no longer physically here. And we can ask for what we need and say what we need to say, and know that it was heard and understood, just as the practice of Ho’oponopono teaches.

Integrating this piece of the healing into my being, I now understand on a new and needed level as Kylie’s legacy which speaks so beautifully to the depth of love she was not only for me, but for all those that loved her.

With some of her ashes now scattered in those tiny woods only five minutes from my home, I feel at peace knowing part of her spirit frolics among the trees. While I can be with her anytime I pause and take the time to do so, it’s that part of the trail that is now that much more sacred. I know I’ll be called to visit often and it will be the greatest honor to do so. 

I’ll see you soon sweet girl.

Lastly, I share this quote from the book, The Inner Life of Cats by Thomas McNamee’s. While I didn’t read the book, I appreciated the quote which I recently read on a fellow blogger’s website. While Thomas speaks about cats, I feel this quote really hits home the beauty and love and our dog companions, too.

“We love our cats with a purity and grace not possible in our love of our spouses, our parents, or even our children. People are too complicated for love as simple as what we bear to our cats. It is not agape, phileo, caritas, amor, or eros (roughly: selfless love, brotherly love, love of humankind, romantic love, and erotic love, respectively). I believe it has never been named. The kinship between our cats and ourselves reaches deep beneath consciousness, to a place before history, perhaps even before the development of self-expressible human intellect … It is devotional, like prayer, and like prayer it is met with silence. Our devotion is what gives cats their power.”



Trust the Flow of Life. Kylie’s Still Reminding Me from the Other Side.

Trust the Flow of Life. Kylie's Still Reminding Me from the Other Side.

This is the last photo I took of Kylie. It was five days before we had to say goodbye to her on the day after Thanksgiving. 

I woke yesterday with a very heavy energy though I wasn’t sure why. I dismissed it as perhaps it was due to the weather which was very gray, with low heavy clouds and rain expected along with a possible thunderstorm in the evening.

I had an errand I planned on running in the afternoon. But after trying to get some work done which included prepping for the Animals as Oracles teleseminar this Thursday, nothing was coming together. There was no sense trying to push through as nothing was coming together.

I tried to put my trust in that tomorrow (today) would be better and I just had to allow the next 24-hours to be what they were supposed to be.

I decided to take a break and run my errand sooner, rather than later. Getting back in my car after the errand I noticed there was a message on my phone. It was from the vet clinic letting me know Kylie’s cremains were in. I was only two minutes from the clinic.

My heart thumped in my chest and I took a deep breath. Gidget was in the car with me. I looked at her and softly said, “Let’s go get Kylie and bring her home.”

After I signed the paper that released Kylie’s cremains to me, I picked up the box and walked out the front door to my car. I could feel the tears close to the edge as my lip started to quiver. I wanted more than anything to bring her home in physical form instead of what now remained.

As I drove home, I let the tears come and once home I cried just as hard as the day we said goodbye to her in the vet’s exam room. Crying is healing, so I let it all come out.

I tried to push myself once again and get some work done. But it wouldn’t come. And as it turned out, it wasn’t meant to be as I had some family issues that needed to be addressed also and I needed to take care of that instead.

As I can often do, though I’m much better these days, I did start to go down that rabbit hole of beating myself up that I’d not gotten much done that day. I worried that I wouldn’t be ready for the teleseminar on Thursday and then began to also worry about impending projects coming up soon, too.

But then I stopped. And I reflected on what I’ve learned from Kylie – to trust and go with the flow – and to trust that all would work out as planned.

That evening after taking an Epsom and Himalyan Salt bath, I sat on my over-sized red chair in the living room, the lights on the Christmas tree twinkling in the corner, and between finishing a book about a Christmas story, and watching a storm roll through, I could literally feel the heavy energy leave my body.

Before I closed my eyes last night I silently said, “Tomorrow is going to be a better and more productive day.” And you know what? It indeed has been and I’m so grateful for how it all flowed today. And I’m so excited about talking with Dr. Cara Gubbins and sharing stories about how animals serve as oracles in our lives.

And this is the thing. When we trust in the flow of life and try not to force it, things to seem to always have a way of working out.

And I have Kylie to thank for being a beautiful oracle for me, not only while here on earth, but in Spirit.

There is still time to register for this free teleseminar this Thursday, December 7th at 11am pst/ Noon est/1 pm cst. If you can’t make it live, if you register, a replay will be sent. 

Hope to “see” you on the call!

Much love and gratitude,


Oracle Card Reading and Guidance – Grieving the Loss of a Pet

This Oracle card reading and guidance is dedicated to, and in memory of my sweet, yellow dog, Kylie, and two dear friends who recently lost their dog, Ryder, and within days their other dog, Bernie, and to all the animal friends that have made our lives so much richer, fuller, and filled with a love that expands our hearts like no other.

Much love and gratitude,