authenticity

Truth Be Told

Welcome to November! The winds blow, the days grow shorter…and it’s the perfect time to go within.

This picture is from one year ago when we visited eastern Tennessee…oh how this tugs at my heart strings to be here again.

It’s also that time of year where perhaps you may be feeling the impending weight of obligations that are ahead with the holiday season.

Recently, I came across this quote that had me reflecting about when we say yes, when we actually mean no and how that can set us up for living a less than joyful and meaningful life. 

It’s that old conditioning we’ve bought into, right?  My whole summer has been about unlearning so much of what I’ve been conditioned to believe, and putting more into practice what truly feeds my soul.

Just last week someone I loved asked me something that I had said yes to a few years ago. But I’ve since come to a new place in my life. So I needed to be honest and tell the truth that it no longer worked for me.

Interestingly enough, every morning for the past three weeks, I’ve been meditating and pulling an Oracle card from The Wisdom of the Oracle deck, and then journaling what comes up for me.

Just that morning, I pulled the Truth Be Told card, and here I was a few hours later being put to the challenge to do just that.

It was difficult because I didn’t want to cause hurt feelings. And honestly, for a time after, those old patterns of believing I needed to feel guilty crept in.

But the reality? When we say yes and really mean no, we carry this burden and negative feelings that build into resentment….and a resentment that eats away at us which can manifest in unhealthy ways.

Does the quote, “I am under no obligation to make sense to you” now make more sense? When we speak our truth we literally feel lighter in our bodies and our hearts rejoice in freedom…even when it may not make sense to someone else.

But when we don’t speak our truth we carry an unnecessary burden that weighs us down, causing us to live a less than meaningful life. Not good for you and not good for those around you.

Referring to The Wisdom of the Oracle booklet the line that stood out for me for Truth Be Told?…

Be authentic and gloriously flawed, and Spirit will answer with miracles.

As we do this work of stepping more into who we truly are, we need to be gentle with ourselves. And know that we aren’t alone…and that we are all a work in progress.

Lastly, to expand on this, I turned to the Power Animal and Soul Coaching oracle cards to find out what more we need to know to live our truth which is below in my video oracle guidance reading.

Much love and gratitude,

Barbara

What More Do We Need to Know About Not Making Sense To Others?

 

When Truth Explodes to the Surface

When Truth Explodes to the Surface

Have you had those moments when a truth full of raw emotion comes flooding to the surface?

Though they can still catch me off guard when they happen, it’s when I allow myself to sit with the vast and raw mix of feelings, which can sometimes feel like an out of body experience, I can see it as part of an important process of the evolution of moving more deeply into the heart of who I am.

This summer, while it has felt intense at times, riding waves of certainty and then not, has me recognizing, and embracing, a new expansion of personal growth.

While I try not to fall into having regrets, I have moments of reflection that can sometimes take my breath away.

One such unexpected flash occurred this week – a truth that had been slowly eating away at me below the surface…and finally exploded into reality—a truth that was hard to look at, but would ultimately serve as another level of healing.

It had been buried so deep, afraid to be voiced out loud, because it still carried so much shame and one in which I thought I had worked through.

Connecting with some amazing women from around the globe this summer in a 22-week online program I’ve been taking part in, I’ve had the honor of getting to know a dear woman, native to India, but now lives in Texas, and is a mid-wife, Jumana.

Her calling to women as stated on her website: “Wise women your body holds the wisdom and the innate knowing to birth your child. Discover the raw untapped power held in your womb, and let the magic unfold.”

Jumana’s gift of bringing babies into this world in such a gentle, sacred, and natural way, opened a place within me that I came to realize still needed healing.

While I wrote in my first memoir, Through Frankie’s Eyes, that my husband, John and I made the choice to not have children, it’s in this stage of our lives – now in our mid and late 50s, we have moments of reflection of what might have been. Though not in regret, but rather in a healing way of how this is part of the journey we have walked together, yet alone.

For me, what exploded to the surface was my admitting that a part of me carried a deep seated fear of carrying a baby in my body.

But more so, how that baby at the end of nine months would have to birth its way out into the world through me. For all these years the fear so real, that it became part of one of the many reasons why I would choose not to have children.

While initially it was very hard for me to look at and accept, simmering in this truth, now out from within that dark trapped place of shame, I welcome it. I feel lighter and freer. I see it for the gift it gave me.

I understand it as a part of my path. For had I had children, I wouldn’t be who I am today in many ways – I couldn’t have been there for others like I’ve been able to – I likely couldn’t have given all of myself to what is my mission to fulfill.

And I have come to understand that as a woman, there is more than one way in which we give birth, and we do it often, in so many different ways throughout our lives.

And my belief…that the reason we are here on this earth at this particular time, is to set ourselves free from those raw truths that we can carry like chains which can hold us back from being fully who we are.

We each have a divine and beautiful purpose to being on this planet right now.

And I belief we are being called to see that truth within…and allow it to bubble to the surface without harsh judgement. 

But to just be with it, see it for the gift it is, and embrace it and let it integrate fully into who we are, while gently letting the rest fall away that no longer serves us.

Thank you for sharing and subscribing to my blog updates.

Do Curly Girls Have More Fun? Embracing Mine.

Do Curly Girls Have More Fun? Embracing Mine.

Hair. Oh, how at times I’ve been upset with myself that I’ve spent so much time fussing and worrying about mine (and the money I’ve spent!). But I’m happy to report that I’ve gotten better over the years — and even more so most recently as I’ve taken a big leap in accepting what I have.

It all began a few months ago when I found a hairstyle I wanted to try. It was a kind of kinky/curly style and I thought I’d have to get a perm. But the gal, Missy, who styles my hair talked me out of it saying a perm wouldn’t be good for my type of hair. While I really wanted a perm and was disappointed, I did appreciate her honesty and looking out for me.

The next time I went in for a cut, Missy showed me how to work with my hair…and wa la, I have curls. And I’m having so much fun with it!!– especially running into family and friends since I’ve welcomed my curls. Everyone thinks I’ve gotten a perm. When I say, “turns out I have curls” they are in disbelief. “You mean you’ve had curly hair all along and you straightened it?” is the response I’ve been getting often.

I’ve always known I’ve had a bit of a wave to my hair, and while I never had it professionally straightened, I would blow dry it out every other day with a brush and then curl it with a big curling iron. So in all honesty, I never knew my hair could curl like it does. I was too busy fighting to make my hair what I wanted it to be, instead of working with what I already had.

A few weeks ago when I had my hair cut again and Missy brought out my curls again, a gal came into the salon I’d worked with years ago at Kohl’s. She commented on how cute my hair looked and said, “I didn’t realize you had curly hair.” 

“Well, I have a wave in my hair.”

Missy said, “Barb… you have curly hair.”

“I do? Really?” I said, still not really believing it.

And that’s when she told me over 65% of women have curly hair according to a book by Lorraine Massey called Curly Girl: the handbook. 

The thing is, I’d always wanted long, blonde, straight hair. I bought into the belief that this is what is “sexy” and what every man likes. So all this time I struggled with trying to have something I’d never have.

But no more… because quite honestly, I’m having so much fun as a curly girl! And I have to say I agree with my best friend, who says my curls really fit my bubbly personality.

And it truly is more than about my hair as I go below the surface. It’s about accepting another part of myself, about letting go of a belief I bought into, of worrying about “fitting in,” and that I wouldn’t be a “pretty” as defined often by society…. but most of all, it was about my own insecurity.

While my curly hair does not take much effort on my part…and I’m loving it and having so much fun… it’s been the letting go of, and accepting what is, where the true freedom is.

Thank you for sharing and subscribing to my blog updates.