grief

How I Stopped Comparing My Dog Joie, to My Deceased Dog, Frankie

How I Stopped Comparing My Dog Joie, to My Deceased Dog, Frankie
JOIE

Last week in celebration of the release of my new book, Wisdom Found in the Pause – Joie’s Gift I did my first ever live event on Facebook. I was quite nervous, but afterwards I received such wonderful feedback from many – it made it all very well worth it and I’m so glad I  took the plunge. If you didn’t have a chance to watch live, you can view the recording here.

But one question I got, which I think is important to expand on is this one from viewer, Sharon: “How did you resolve your issue of comparing Joie to Frankie?”

I do write about this in Wisdom Found in the Pause, but what I came to understand is that I had so closely tied my identity to Frankie and all my work with her, that when she died, I felt like I had lost my sense of purpose.  And we all know how so many of us search a for what seems a good long time to find our purpose – and many that feel they never find one.

Even though I’d been feeling this nudge to expand, I didn’t quite know what that looked like. So it felt more comfortable to think I’d continue to do what I’d always done, instead of marinating in the feelings I was experiencing that I was being called to end the chapter I defined as “Frankie.” While I truly wanted another special needs dachshund to love and care for, what wasn’t clear was how I was going to move forward now that Frankie was gone.

Many of you know I adopted Joie four months after Frankie’s passing and I was so happy to have a little one to care for again. As the days started to unfold I was having a hard time feeling a bond with her, or feeling deeply connected, like I had with Frankie.

What I did was reach out to my friend, Dawn, who is an animal communicator. She had helped me before with Frankie and I felt confident she could do the same with Joie.

While I don’t want to give it all away (and you can read more in my new book), it was during the reading with Dawn that I had the courage to admit I knew I was comparing Joie to Frankie.  It wasn’t that I was really doing it consciously, but rather subconsciously. And the issue was really all about me. I was having a hard time letting go of Frankie and what was. I needed to let things evolve organically with Joie and let her be her own dog. I truly wanted what was best for her and wanted more than anything for her to feel loved, safe and nurtured.

In many ways I owed this to Joie – but I also owed it to myself to see the truth of what was transpiring. And the beauty of one of the many gifts that Joie brought to my life. She helped me to see that I could let go and move forward – that I could expand on who I was and it would all be okay.

Every dog arrives in our lives to teach us something – arriving at just the right time – and I knew it was up to me to open myself fully to the lessons Joie was here to teach me, not only so she herself could live a happy and quality life while here – but that Frankie could rest in peace – and I could live more from the truth of who I am.

Tomorrow I’ll be sharing a link to auhtor, Jackie Bouchard’s blog, PoochSmooches. We did a recent Q & A about my book, Wisdom Found in the Pause, and one of the questions I enjoyed answering is this one:

  1. I really related to the quote from Sue Bender (p108) to “practice feeling good where you are.” I have to continually remind myself of the lesson from our angel Abby – to live in the moment. I think this is such a great lesson for everyone, no matter where you are in life. Can you expand on how you practice feeling good about where you are?

I hope you will stay tuned for my answer!

Thank you for sharing and subscribing to my blog updates.

The Old Man and Me

The Old Man and Me

In my weekly newsletter today I shared the following story and received wonderful feedback, so I wanted to share here on my blog, too. 

I saw him shuffling his way across the pavement to the volunteer, box of treasures in hand.

I had just pulled up to the back of the building, there for the same purpose, dropping off some items I no longer needed at our local Saint Vincent De Paul’s.

As I stepped out of the car, he must have noticed the dog decals on my back window and said, “Are you donating some dog’s?”

“No,” I said smiling, knowing he was kidding. “Not a chance!”

I sensed he didn’t recognize me right away as he handed his small box of items to the volunteer.

But I remembered him from meeting him several times at our neighbors when they’d have a party or I’d run into him now and then at the post office. Dave, always a great sense of humor, and he often talked about his bird.

I first got to know his wife, Karin. She was very supportive of my work with Frankie and my writing, often sending me sweet notes of encouragement in the mail.

I said, “How’s your parrot?”

It was as if a light of recognition went on. He smiled and began chatting happily about the bird he has had for over 30 years.

And then without warning he began to cry.

“I miss Karin so much,” he sobbed.

Karin died a little over a year ago. I read about it in the paper and was in shock as it seemed so sudden.

And it was. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 79 and died within three months.

Dave, now 85-years old, struggling to move through his days without the woman he fell in love with when he was just a young man.

He turned to walk away, still overcome with tears. “I can’t believe I’m crying. I feel so silly.”

Walking quickly up behind him I said, “Don’t go. Let me give you a hug.” I embraced him with all my might trying to convey my empathy for what he is going through.

And I let him talk through his wave of grief. And pretty soon his sense of humor returned and we eventually parted ways.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about him all the way home. I worried that I had done enough. Was there more I could have done? My heart ached for him.

And then Tuesday in the mail was a card with his return address.

Inside, a thank you card.

In his shaky handwriting he wrote:
“Barbara!”

And on a sticky label was typed:

“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the
grandest intention.”

He signed it, “Thank you, Dave”

Now it was my turn to shed a few tears. That small gesture of a hug and listening was all he needed in that moment.

It was enough.

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Gidget’s Winter Perch and The Blessing of Acceptance

gidget's winter viewDuring much of the winter months, Gidget (as all other wiener dogs before her) get the luxury of a new perch to sit upon and enjoy a new view.

It is bitterly cold today, windchills of -20 and expected to be this way all week, getting even colder on Wednesday.

Even though my writing cottage is quite cozy and kept warm with my petite Heat ‘N Glow fireplace, there can still be a chill that comes through with the winds, especially felt on the floor.

“The Queen,” also known as Miss Gidget, can not be subjected to that chill that runs across the floor, so her bed is moved to higher headquarters upon my large wicker chair in the corner (Hail the Queen!). Here she is able to bask in the sun streaming through the windows. I love being able to glance over at her as I sit at my writing desk working, knowing she is happy and warm.

It feels incredibly good to have the holidays a memory as I move into the New Year and a new view of acceptance that has finally graced my heart. A fresh new start this week and I’m enjoying the solitude and stillness of this quiet season of winter.

I feel like I am finally on my way to feeling more like myself again. I’m welcoming it with open and grateful arms.

It was a tough fall. One in which I moved through the grief of a friendship lost. While this friend didn’t pass away, it has felt like  a death to me, because of what sadly transpired between us, with both of us going our separate ways.

While I don’t know if we will ever come back together again, I am finally able to take what it was, and find many blessings from it.

I’ve not written about this before in my journal, but hinted at a challenge I’d been working through in my newsletter a few times. I also won’t go into the details, because as always, there are two sides to a story (and as most likely always occurs, a misunderstanding that went astray).

But the point of me sharing this today is that with any struggle or heartache, there are lessons to be learned and blessings to be found in the challenge.

For awhile, I had a hard time finding the blessings, and when I did, I was struggling with the why of it – wondering why it had to be so painful in order for new blessings to reveal themselves.

I questioned, if I had to do it over again, would I have done so because of the positive that did come from it, knowing I’d have to endure the pain? The answer to that is that I can’t answer that. What happened, happened for a reason – time for me to accept and move on.

And this morning as I briskly ran out to my writing cottage, Gidg snuggled in my arms in a blanket, and as I sat down at my desk, I felt a shift inside.

We’ve only got one shot at this thing called life. I want mine to be the best it can be. I understand more clearly now that difficult and sad things happen to open us even more to appreciating our time on this earth. Without those hard times, we wouldn’t really know joy – true, pure joy.

We also wouldn’t know what we truly want for our life if we weren’t challenged by it at times.

I love my simple life. I love much of my time that is spent in my writing cottage pecking away at my keyboard, sharing my thoughts via my journal and newsletter. Time spent on dreams of new projects. Time spent in contemplation and reflection. Time spent on snuggling with my dogs. Time spent with my Johnnie talking about our tiny house someday we want to build in a warmer climate.

Time– that’s the thing, I don’t want to waste it worrying about something that was and may never be again. I give thanks right here and now in this moment for times that were hard to bear, but I made it through. I stand stronger today. I stand in this moment glad to be alive and have the life I love.

As always, feel free to leave a comment…I welcome them!