marriage

Who Is a Wild Woman, Really?

Who Is a Wild Woman, Really?
Card from Mystical Shaman Oracle Deck

Hanging my fall wreath on my writing cottage door this past weekend, I smiled at how the Wild Woman card I purposely enlarged this summer, was now so beautifully embraced within the wreath.

This time of year is one in which I enjoy going within more often and the comfort and cozy feeling I get as the days grow darker, the winds begin to blow and the leaves gently begin their cascade down to the earth….and this, this is part of being a Wild Woman who follows the instinct not only when I need to retreat, but to also emerge again when it is time.

It also spoke to me again of the importance of embracing our Wild Woman – whatever that looks like, and is, for you.

Wild Woman continues to speak to me and while she can be deep and introspective, she is funny, sings a lot in the kitchen lately, and speaks up more these days. I’m really digging her!

This morning I posted this photo on Facebook of Gidget waiting patiently at John’s feet just waiting for a morsel to drop as he made his lunch for work.

A friend commented , “A husband who makes his own lunch. Wow! Lucky girl!” 

How interesting, I thought, as it led me down a path of more thoughts.

At first I chuckled at the statement, then felt happy that yes, he does make his lunch, and then thought, why shouldn’t he make his own lunch?

Now this isn’t to say if someone enjoys making their spouses lunch, by all means, that is great!

But it triggered something within me. It was that part of me who used to think I had to do these things – that it was my responsibility. And if I didn’t, I was somehow a bad wife.

And oh how long it’s taken me to stand in my own power and not feel guilty when I’d hear a statement like this. Am I lucky? Perhaps. But then I think about my relationship with John and how it has grown deeper because of not only my willingness to step more fully into who I really am over the years and express my needs, but also John’s openness in listening and understanding.

Not that we always agree. But it takes a gentle and strong man to honor the Wild Woman that walks beside him, just as the Wild Woman honors the man who walks beside her. Is it always easy? Nope. 

But I come back again to a word that continues to be part of so much of my life now and that is awareness – awareness in tapping into what feels right for each of us, and not what may have been conditioned into us.

And so this Wild Woman continues to walk in awareness of what feels right for her soul, while deeply appreciating and hugging as often she can, the man who embraces all of who she is. So yup, then I say, I am indeed lucky! And so is John.  🙂

XO,

Barb

Tour of my Gardens and Writing Cottage Thanks to My “Pool” Boy

Tour of my Gardens and Writing Cottage Thanks to My "Pool" Boy
berm off deck

I teased John last night asking him what he did with my husband. In case you are new to my blog, John is my husband. For those of you who have been here for awhile, I think you know by now how blessed I consider myself to be with the love of my life almost 40 years now, 34 of which we’ve been married.

We’ve certainly had our ups and downs, but that is bound to happen when you are together this long. Or as we sometimes say as they do in the movie, Christmas Vacation, when things feel challenging or don’t go as planned, “It’s all part of the experience.” 

It was in the mid 90s all weekend. Not exactly the kind of weather you want to dig out new edging for the gardens or spread 10 yards of fresh chocolate mulch. On top of the fact I continue to heal from my sprained back, which meant no helping from me. Though truth be told, I learned that the hard way after doing a small section Saturday (don’t tell my chiropractor! 🙂  ) thinking I was “fine.” The result of my foolishness? Hardly sleeping at all that night! Lesson learned!

I had to accept the fact I couldn’t help, let go of the guilt, and allow my husband John, to do the yard work. I soon discovered that you don’t need a pool to have a pool boy!

east side of writing cottage

It’s funny when one starts out in a relationship, it’s often a physical attraction. But then as the years go by, love shape-shifts into something deeper if you are fortunate enough and stick it out.

John and I live a pretty simple life. That’s the way we like it. He loves his work and I love mine. Coming together at the end of the day to share is most often a highlight of our days. These days, even when times are difficult, we seem to listen more easily and just hold space when one of us is in need instead of rushing in to try and “fix” it.

Growing closer each year we now say that when the time comes our wish is to die together. Though of course that isn’t up to us. But Friday night John surprised me and said that he decided he has to die first. I asked him why, and he said he just couldn’t imagine my going first. It would be too painful and he couldn’t imagine life without me.

It’s interesting that in the beginning of our relationship, I was quite insecure and relied on him in many ways. While he continues to be the bread winner and that would certainly change if something happened to him and I’d likely have to find a part time job, I’ve grown so much stronger in who I am. 

It may sound silly, but there was a day I wouldn’t put gas in my car or have my oil changed or anything considered what the “man of the house” does. Last August I actually did all the wheeling and dealing when we decided to lease a new car. At the beginning of John encouraging me to take on these tasks I’d often resist and complain. But now I’m glad as I do take pride in taking ownership in these things. Should it be he does leave this earth before me, at least I feel a bit more prepared – though I know one is never fully prepared for that day that changes everything.

west side of writing cottage

The landscaping, which we had done three years ago, has pretty much been up to me to maintain. While I know it adds value to our home, I didn’t know if I’d want the upkeep. Though I’m happy to say it now brings me joy and I find it’s nice break from my writing or my day, to stop and walk around them.

John being the owner of his own business, which at times has been stressful, hasn’t always had the energy to help with the yard work. While it’s not as stressful anymore for him since he is on his own without employees now for the past three years, something else has shifted in him this year.

This weekend I sensed a new energy and pride as he worked in the heat making our humble little home and landscape come to life in a new way with it’s fresh coat of mulch. Just as he’d done almost ten years ago when he built me my sweet little writing cottage.

While we continue to also shape-shift in the changing of our bodies and our features with more wrinkles and gray hair, this new shift of depth in our relationship is what makes me fall in love with him over and over again, but in a different way. He may not perhaps be someone’s idea of a pool boy, but to me, he still makes my heart go pidder, padder.

back of writing cottage

As I sat on the deck yesterday watching him finish up the last of the mulch, the cement lion statue caught my eye through the cut out heart on our deck. A design John saw over 25 years ago and brought the idea home to me because he knew I’d love it. He then set out to lovingly build our deck, carefully cutting in each heart at different locations. They still make me smile to this day.

A gentle love certainly does abound here between this contractor and creative writer at our small plot of land here in historic Elkhart Lake. While we never know what the future holds, and I try not to dwell there for too long, it’s sweet times like these that fill my heart with joy and I safely tuck them away for that “someday” should I be the one left.

Signing off now from the smitten all over again, Mrs. Techel!

XO,

Barbara

Chuck the Chicken Saves this Marriage

chuck the chicken saves this marriage
Photo: cemanifarms.com

John and I laugh often in our home. His sense of humor is one of the things I love most about him. And I do think a bit rubbed off on me as I find that I can come up with some good one liners that I don’t know if I would had I not been married to John all these years.

John is usually up before me every morning. But it’s usually not long afterwards, that I shuffle in my slippers into the kitchen to find John making a pot of coffee. Such was the case this past Saturday.

John said quite seriously, “I’m concerned about the chicken.”

I had taken out a whole, frozen chicken out of the freezer the evening before around 8pm and put it in a large bowl of cold water.

At first I was a bit annoyed that John was questioning my “thawing” skills. I really thought it would be okay.

But John said the chicken was warm to the touch.

And I was then more upset with myself for having just wasted a whole, organic chicken that was supposed to be for dinner. Though I did still question if it would be okay to eat. But it wasn’t worth taking the risk.

But then I giggled thinking back to the seriousness of John’s tone when he stated he was concerned about the chicken.

I said that it sounded like we were talking about a live chicken. So I decided to name the chicken Chuck.

John said, “Should I pick up another chicken at Miesfeld’s?” (a local butcher shop in our area).

“Fine,” I said. “But it’s your turn to take Chuck to work.  He has not been behaving around here lately and I don’t think I can take another day of his antics.”

And so the rest of the day we had an imaginary chicken named Chuck who became our muse for the day. The muse that diffused what could have been a heated discussion of me feeling inadequate and John, really, just trying to help.

I thought back to our earlier years of marriage and how I would have taken this so personally and the whole day would have been ruined.

But one thing (among many!) I’ve gained from this marriage with John is to not take things so seriously. That laughter really is good medicine, good for the soul, and good for a marriage.

And yes, I know, Chuck is really a male name which would make him a rooster…but remember this is all imaginary!  🙂

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