It’s Okay to Feel In-Between

Posted by Barbara Techel

IMG_2060Intuition is a sense of knowing how to act spontaneously without needing to know why. – Sylvia Clare

Tammy from Rowdy Kittens blog shared the above quote today. She also talked about how she has many ideas brewing in her mind, but not quite sure what direction to head. She feels “in-between.”

Just like Tammy, when others say this to me, I say, “hey, it’s okay to feel in that in-between” place, because that is part of being a creative.” How much easier it is to say this to someone, but then so much harder to allow myself this same way to feel.

While I continue to peck away at my next book, I also still feel in this in-between place. I have my good and challenging days working on my book. Some days so sure I will take it all the way to publication stage, and then some days, well, not sure at all.

I also read an interview by Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote a novel after her wildly popular Eat, Pray and Love and scrapped the whole thing. She said it was crap and had to let her editor know she wouldn’t be submitting it. The advice from a friend was to take six months off and follow her curiosity, which is exactly what she did. She gardened and one day while gardening, the idea for the next book hit her and it all spilled out from her in a more creative and rewarding way.

I’ve been giving much thought to all of this lately, and realize I’ve been feeling this in-between since Frankie died. That’s almost two years ago. It feels scary to admit that, as if I’ll never come out of this in-between place. But it’s where I’m at and I wanted to be honest and say it here on my blog.

Many ideas of what I might want to do have been written in my idea journal, but so far, not quite sure where I should go with them. But I remind myself that to “push” something into existence just for the sake of doing it isn’t right either.

I wonder to myself why the exploration of oneself in this in-between can feel so daunting at times. Is it because we are so used to doing that we can’t deal with just trying to “be” more?

Two people lately have told me that I think too hard. They didn’t mean it in a bad way, but they are right.  Sometimes it can cause me great angst and I wish I didn’t do this. But it is who I am and even though it can be challenging at times, I’ve learned to accept it part of who I am.

While I do feel in-between and that is not always easy, I am trying to honor it. The quote by Sylvia Clare spoke to me also as I’ve decided to act on a monthly volunteer opportunity and see where it takes me. I’ll share with you soon what that is. While I’m excited about it, I’m also nervous. But I like the idea of acting on it without needing to know why right now. I want to see where it will take me and I guess that is all I need to know at the moment.

And for those moments when I’m thinking way too deep and too hard, all I have to do is look into the face of my Buddha dog, take a deep breath, and know that life is unfolding for me exactly as it should. No need to worry. Trust and know that all is well. Because it is. It is.

My Fairy Can’t Fly. Come See Why.

Posted by Barbara Techel

fairy eNormally my petite, pretty fairy, named Francine, dressed in her simple lilac dress, sits along the edge of my tabletop water fountain. Her presence lending a bit of magic to my days.

This morning, I found her feet up, in the fountain.

It seems as if my little flying friend has taken to drinking red wine… and from a straw, no less.

I nudged her gently. It took her a bit to stir, but when she did, she shook the water off her wings, seemed a bit embarrassed and climbed her way back to sit on the edge.

“Oh little fairy of mine, what happened?” I said.

In barely a whisper, she said, “My wings feel heavy and my head foggy.”

“I imagine, my little friend. I see that you have taken to drinking red wine.”

“Oh, just a wee bit. After I made my way out into the world last night to sprinkle fairy dust of love and joy on the pillows of all sad little girls and boys,  Fiona Fairy, Felicia Fairy, Fancie Fairy and I got together for a feast.”

Rubbing her tiny little hand alongside her head with her acorn cap cocked to the side she said, “But we got to talking up a storm, taking turns flying up to the straw to take a sip, and I’m afraid we never did feast.”

“Ah yes, girl’s night out. I do understand. Well, seems to me, my little one, you shall be grounded for the day before your wings will have the strength to fly again, and the pounding in your wee little head subsides.”

Curling onto her side, she let out a small little sigh. I gently placed a soft pillow under her head and covered her in a soft pink blanket.

Kissing her on the side of the cheek I said, “Have no fear my little fairy, the cobwebs will eventually clear, and you will fly once again.”

Sally’s Impact on Me & Her Love of Frankie the Walk ‘N Roll Therapy Dog

Posted by Barbara Techel

Frankies book2_v1c47Illustration from Frankie the Walk ‘N Roll Therapy Dog Visits Libby’s House children’s book

In Saturdays blog post I shared with you that Sally, a resident at Libby’s House (senior assisted living facility), who I had come to adore, passed away at the age of 100 earlier in May. The adoration was mutual as she loved it when Frankie came to visit. She would become quite animated watching Frankie roll into the main living room.

I was so touched by the friendship that transpired between the two that I wrote about them in my second children’s book, Frankie the Walk ‘N Roll Therapy Dog Visits Libby’s House. While all the residents were special, some just left an extra special mark on my heart that will always be there. Sally was absolutely one of those people.

As a tribute to her, I thought I’d share the part in my book where I wrote about her. To protect her privacy at the time, her name was changed to Lila. Her name after a dear friend (a therapy dog tester) who was pregnant with a little girl, who she would name Lila, while Frankie and I were training for her therapy dog certification.

Excerpt:

The following month flowers are blooming with every color in the rainbow and people are outside cutting their grass. Kids are playing in the park. The warm wind blows my ears back as we drive to Libby’s House.

It is hard to know I won’t see Daniel anymore when I visit. But, I hold my head high as I roll through the front doors once again.

Patty is waiting to for us. She bends down to stroke my fur. “Frankie, there is someone new waiting to meet you,” she says happily.

“Her name is Lila, and she loves dogs. I have told her all about you and she is eager to visit with you.” Patty leads the way as Mom and I walk side by side.

Lila is siting in the chair where Daniel used to wait for me. Her hair is short and silver and her walker is resting next to the chair.

Patty quietly says to my mom, “It is hard to understand Lila when she talks, but she tries to communicate.”

Mom picks me up and kneels down in front of Lila. She rests the front of my paws on the arm of the chair while she holds the back of my wheelchair in her hands. Lila’s hands are shaking as she reaches out to pet my head. She looks deep into my eyes and chatters up a storm. I am not sure what she is saying, but my heart feels all warm and fuzzy again. I have made another new friend.

As I revisit the writing of this book again, I wrote it because I wanted young kids to not be afraid to visit the elderly in nursing homes. It can sometimes feel scary, but I wanted to make it feel less scary. To help them understand that sometimes older people are going through things just like they did when they were little. Sometimes needing help with brushing their teeth or needing help to remember to take their medicine.

Sally, and so many others, certainly taught me to appreciate life so much more. For that, I’m so grateful to each of them. And Sally showed me that even though she couldn’t communicate in words, it was her infectious smile and enthusiasm that conveyed to me how happy she truly was. Her connection with Frankie was such a gift and I’ll remember it always.