A Sneak Peek Into What My Next Book Is About

I finalized the back cover description with my editor last week and I’m excited to share it with you today!

XO,

Barbara

Creative Change Happening in My Writing Cottage

Change isn’t always easy. But with change, if we allow ourselves to be with it, more often than not, new opportunities are able to flow with more ease into our lives. Recently, on my Facebook page, I shared a photo of a new chair I purchased for my writing cottage (photo below). Someone commented that something was missing. She was referring to Gidget.

The comment tugged at my heart. I replied that Gidget is still here as I feel her in my heart and I always will. But, yes, there are days I sure do miss the physical presence of that sweet little peanut. It’s five months today since she’s been gone. Since 2009 when my writing cottage was first built, for most of those years, a dachshund kept me company here in my cozy little room that sits off the corner of my deck.

Now I’m alone and I’m okay with that for now. Perhaps someday another dog will share this space with me. But for the time being, I’m content.

I’ve been enjoying making some changes in my writing cottage. Such as the decoupage piece I collaged with photos of birch trees and birds onto a long piece of plywood I painted gray (unsplash.com is a great site for copyright-free images). It hangs over the southeast window and here’s a close-up shot of it:

I was actually trying to find material to make a window covering that had a design of birch trees and birds and colors that would match my new chair. But I couldn’t find anything. Instead, I bought a solid color material I’ll make the window covering from and opted to make this art piece to capture what I was looking for in a material.

Over the summer the birds were such a comfort to me since Gidget has been gone. So I’m honoring that gift they gave me by incorporating them into my space. Plus the birch tree, known as the “Lady of the Woods” is my favorite tree. 

Earlier in spring, I put my over-sized floral wicker chair out on the curb and said: “free for the hauling.” It didn’t take long before it was gone. I enjoyed that chair, but I always had this niggle in my brain that it really was too big for this 10 x 12 space.

In Septemeber, I was gifted some money and took the opportunity to purchase this chair. It was worth the wait!

I realized that not only have greens and blues been inching their way into my home with the furniture we had bought last summer for our living room but now in my writing cottage, too. I’m loving it! They are such soothing and calming colors to me.

So small bits of change are happening around me. But change is good and when combined with sparking one’s creativity, well, it feels really good to be in this flow.

Wishing you a creative and cozy weekend!

XO,

Barbara

This Message Wasn’t Just For Me

I smiled when I drew this card after my meditation this morning.

The card says, “You Are Worthy.” I didn’t question it like I would have done in the past because I know this now more about myself than I have before.

I see this card as two parts of myself. The little cat represents the little girl within me. The lion represents the protective and loving mother also within me. See how the tail of the cat winds around the mama lion? Together, a bond, that can’t be broken.

But for a long time, I didn’t feel this way. I separated myself from that little wounded girl within not wanting to believe what she had to share with me about her deep hurt from long ago.

At first, I thought this message was only for me. But then as I went about my morning I heard that it is World Mental Health Day. I knew then this message is for all those who suffer from not feeling worthy and struggle to make sense of their lives.

It was in 2018 that I went through a deep dark night of the soul as I wrestled with anxiety and for a long time didn’t believe I also likely had depression mixed in with that. But I tend to not like labels. What I know now and from my own experience and the journey I walked is that those feelings often described as depression and/or anxiety were trying to get my attention.

Years of burying a vision I carried with me from my childhood had finally reached a tipping point. It was one late afternoon in April of 2018 that a thought ran through my mind that I’d never had before. I wanted to die instead of dealing with the pain that was coursing through me.

As soon as the thought of dying came, another thought stepped in and I heard that I didn’t want to die. Both voices were me. And even though I knew what had to be done would be difficult, I had to face that little girl within, listen to her, and most of all, believe her. Walking that journey is what I’ll be sharing more about in my memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am coming out early 2020.

I believe I’m a bubbly and optimistic person by nature, but the truth is that I was also hiding beneath a mask of shame. Once I decided to face that woundedness within me, reach out for help, and do the work that needed to be done feeling my way through all my emotions, that I came out the other end feeling more worthy than I have ever before.

And so I share this message of Tabby Cat from this card and a glimpse of my journey in hopes that whoever needs to hear this will take it into their heart, reach out for help, and begin the journey to healing.

Wishing you all much peace.

XO,

Barbara

Oracle card from: The Illustrated Bestiary by Maia Toll