It was one of those moments I didn’t see coming. But as I sat with it, I realized that indeed it had been coming. I had been feeling it but didn’t know if I was really ready to let go. As I process this letting go, moving through a practice session of yoga this morning, the card my mom sent me last week, which is now pinned to my wall, caught my eye. The front reads: Life is a collection of moments.

While it feels odd to be leaving a moment in time that meant so much to me, it also feels okay. It was another reminder that sometimes Spirit intervenes to help with a gentle nudge to encourage the bird that it is time to leave the nest. There are new ways in which it is time to spread its wings.

I believe this month would have been the beginning of our fifth year together. We met every second Wednesday of the month all these years. We began meeting at a coffee shop, three women and myself, supporting each other in our entrepreneurial endeavors, but soon enough our personal lives weaved into our discussions. As women, really, the two go hand-in-hand. 

As our talks expanded and we deepened in our sharing and trust of each other, we felt the need for more privacy and began alternating meeting at each other’s homes. It was a time I looked forward to each month, and each time I walked away renewed in spirit and soul. During that time, we each moved through various transitions and grew in ways we never imagined.

When everything shifted with the pandemic, so did we, and we began to meet via Zoom. 

But then late yesterday afternoon came an email from one of the women in our group. She had been presented with a lovely opportunity that required her to shift in her work schedule in order to take part in this new endeavor and thus the need to leave our group. While I was sad in one way, I realized this was the nudge I needed to be honest in what I’d been feeling.

It was time for me to move on too. It wasn’t that I no longer wanted to be a part of this group because that’s wasn’t it and I knew I was going to miss seeing them each month. But I knew in my heart it had served its purpose for me. 

And so I replied back that I too felt like it was time for me to move on…and then came another and then another from the other two women. We had all been feeling the same thing and that a change was necessary. But no one wanted to break up the group because of what we mean to each other, but yet, we all realized this is the shift we needed to make.

So as I write this because writing is a way in which I process and integrate things, I also know many have gone through similar changes in life and I think it has become even more so this past year as we realize we are changed because of what we went through in 2020. What once served us we are realizing no longer does. That does not mean it’s bad, but that it just is.

And as I write this the tears I was holding back are finally coming to the surface along with a swirl of emotion. Letting go isn’t easy, even when you know it is time.  

And I refer back to what I said at the beginning of this post — it feels odd, but it also feels okay. It also in another way feels lonely in wondering what is next for me personally, but also honoring the open space before me, and allowing what needs to come next, naturally.

While in one way it felt abrupt, I also felt this was coming, even when I couldn’t articulate or acknowledge it. It may feel like an ending, but it’s also a beginning as we all agreed we’d enjoy getting together just for fun now and then and to catch up.

There is really no end either when you walk away with wisdom and love embedded in your heart from time spent together and the way in which we held sacred and loving space for each other as we each evolved in our own unique way. That will always be a part of me and a part of them.

Here’s to this moment in time that will bring me to new moments in time to come…and to three extraordinary women who helped shape my life for the better.

XO,

Barb

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We have been in a deep freeze for about four days now. It’s expected to last for about another five days. Waking up to windchills in the -30 degree range has meant no walking outside for me. The week before we had snow on and off which also made walking outside a bit dicey so I didn’t get outside much then either.

Yesterday I could feel it beginning to wear on me. It was a reminder of how much better I feel when I can connect directly with the air, the sun, the trees, and the world around me in a more tangible way. Feet hitting the ground, inhaling fresh air into my lungs, and the sun warming my face is still better than working out on my Pilates machine equipment. Though I’m grateful to have it as a backup.

It’s interesting how I’ve shifted over the years. When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I could go days on end in weather like this and enjoy the feeling of being cocooned. But now if I go too long without being in nature, I feel it as a heaviness in my energy.

The fact it’s been almost one year since our world turned upside down with the pandemic and restrictions were put in place has impacted how I move about in my little world too. This has added an extra layer of wishing to get out, but nowhere to really go, on top of feeling some loneliness at times.

While I’m a person who needs much alone time as I’ve shared here before, I’ve been realizing just how much I miss having an impromptu coffee or lunch date with a friend. Though I did venture out last Thursday to meet a friend for coffee. It was absolutely delightful and renewed my soul in a way I’d not felt in a long time!

So I had to remind myself a few times yesterday that the feelings of heaviness I was experiencing would eventually pass. I told myself to meet myself where I was at and allow myself to just be as I needed to.

I awoke again today feeling like I was still carrying a heavy cloak around me, but I put one foot in front of the other. While I didn’t do a full workout on my Pilates machine, I again honored that I didn’t feel like pushing myself and just did what felt right.

As I sat at my vanity and got ready for the day, I glanced out my bedroom patio doors to see a bunny hop onto our deck. She was hungry and was taking advantage of the extra birdseed I’ve been scattering during these frigid days. Then along came a handful of Junco’s hopping along the cold deck boards snatching up seed to fill their stomachs and keep them warm.

Just being in their presence, only a few feet away, I felt my energy start to shift. A half-hour later when I got out to my Joyful Pause Cottage I saw the mixed media collage I’d begun yesterday waiting for me on my art table. Normally I would work on this in the afternoon but felt a niggle that a change was in order.

The sun, filtering through the wispy clouds, brought extra light through the window and feeling excited to continue to work on the collage, both beckoned me to honor the nudge and follow the flow that was calling to me. As I sat down at my workspace, I grabbed a colored pencil and began to color in the image. As the sun warmed one side of my face, I felt another uptick in my energy.

While I’d struggled to put the collage together yesterday afternoon wanting to get it to where I felt it was right, today it magically unfolded and came together with virtually no effort. What a welcome feeling! It was then that I looked up to see that a Woodpecker had come for breakfast.

I paused to watch him and felt a big wave of loving energy rush through my heart.

How easily we can get lost and think things will never change or that we are all alone in our feelings or our physical being for that matter. But we are never alone.

Working on the collage piece along with Woodpecker alive and well outside my window reminded me that we are always connected. It’s just that sometimes we have to pause and take the time to make a conscious intention. And just like that, it didn’t feel like effort at all, but the most natural thing in the world.

And the animal inspiration didn’t end here…

After I finished writing this post I went into the kitchen for some lunch. Glancing out the window, something caught my eye high in the sky. At first, I thought it was a vulture, but there were no other vultures around. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was an eagle. I rarely see them, so this was a most welcome and special treat.

I took delight in watching him glide effortlessly through the sky. I then heard a quote in my mind from Dr. Wayne Dyer (had he come in the form of Eagle?), “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

It was true and just what I’d experienced with what had unfolded from being with the rabbit, the Junco’s, the Woodpecker, and also lost in the creative process.

And then to complete the wisdom, I heard, “and this is what it means to be free.”

XO

Barb

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