It was the third week of May. A week after an intensive five days of learning to breathe in a new way to help manage my asthma in a better and healthier way thanks to the Buteyko Method.
Incorporating the method into my daily walk brought up the shadow aspect of me that can still feel like what I perceived as the ‘fat’ kid in my teens.
Instead of walking fast, I was learning to slow down and be in control of my breath. Though, at times, old programming can still run through my mind that faster and ‘no pain, no gain’ is ‘better.’
Turns out, it isn’t and what causes me to breathe harder and thus makes my body fight harder and struggle for air. This leads to a whole host of things popping up – like a tight upper back that plagued me for years.
Course correcting my behavior and thinking of well over 25 years since I began incorporating exercise into my daily routine was, at times, a wrestling match.
But the better I feel, the more I want to breathe in this way.
One morning as I was slowing my pace after an incline to be in control of my breath and not bring on tightness in my chest, I noticed a young killdeer running alongside the curb a few yards in front of me.
He was simply adorable! I marveled at the fact his legs were already at their full length despite his small body that would yet need to catch up.
I then smiled and thought perhaps if I’d been walking at a fast speed I might have missed out on this delightful wonder.
I watched as he walked with lightning speed. He reminded me of a roadrunner. I also noted that he kept trying to get up the curb, but just couldn’t seem to do it.
I wanted to reach out and help him, but even if I did speed up, he would too. I empathized with him trying with all his might to get up that curb. I’ve felt that way too when trying new things.
Just a few feet ahead I knew the curb stopped and it was flat and open to the dry ground he was attempting to get onto. I found myself cheering him on. Just a little ways to go, dear Killdeer! The opening is straight ahead! You can do it!
Just as he neared the opening he made a sharp wide turn to the right and missed the opening altogether, crossed the road to the other side, where he started all over again trying to get up the curb.
Isn’t life just like that sometimes, I thought? I was feeling the same way. Frustrated that I was trying to control a certain outcome and wanting to fall back into old patterning and what felt familiar and oddly, comfortable, though uncomfortable when I often couldn’t breathe. But the young killdeer reminded me to not beat myself up and to just keep trying.
I know the killdeer will eventually succeed and take that curb on with no effort whatsoever. And just like I’m learning to walk in this new way that is already so much more relaxing and enjoyable than it used to be.
XO
Barb
If you’d like blog post updates in your inbox just Click here to subscribe.
