I think many of us can say that patience and uncertainty are two of those things that take some time to become more comfortable with. I wonder if age and life experience have something to do with it as I find I’m more patient than in my younger years. Though I can still have my moments. And uncertainty? Well, I can say that going through the last three years and so much change on this planet, I believe, that yes, I’ve come to a bit more acceptance with that one too.
It was October when I foraged in my garden and on my daily walks for dried flowers and leaves for future art projects. After each foraging escapade, I’d carefully place the newly picked petals and leaves in my flower press. Saying goodbye to summer with the vibrant colors the season brought in the foliage and flowers and now putting into practice patience and being open to the uncertainty to waiting to see how they would transform.
This all ran through my mind as over the weekend I finally revealed the foliage and petals that had gone into the darkness of that flower press to work their magic in a new way.
While I love all the vibrant colors of the warmer months in the blooms and full trees there was a new beauty that swept me up in awe as I opened my flower press and saw the transformation of what I’d so carefully tended to during the fall to preserve.
This May it will be four years since my dachshund, Gidget, passed away. At the time, I couldn’t imagine not bringing another dog into my life sooner, rather than later. Though I wasn’t even sure if there would be another dog in our family, because John and I agreed to take a break, and because he just wasn’t ready.
Little did I know at the time also the beauty patience and uncertainty would bring to this area of my life. While I had pangs of missing the companionship of a dog the last few years, I also opened myself to learning to just be with me.
At times I’ve felt lonely when John is gone, but there were also times that I enjoyed this freedom I’d not had for a very long time. I’m also grateful for how the relationship between John and I blossomed in a deeper and more enriching way too. So much beauty and expansion came over these (almost) last four years.
I’d say for about the last year the idea of bringing another dog into our lives, on both our parts, has become stronger with each passing day. To now, that John and I have agreed that spring or summer is when we will begin our search for a dog in rescue to adopt. Though truth be told, I have, at times, been known to wander over to rescue group sites in the area to take a peek.
But spring or summer feels right for us as we’ve planned to be gone for six weeks later this winter and travel which is a maiden voyage trip in our new-to-us motorcoach. But both John and I look forward to welcoming a dog into our lives again and having a dog come with us on future travel adventures.
And this has all been a new experience for me, as in the past, the idea of having dogs in our lives was something I wanted. Though John has loved all our dogs, it was more for him about honoring my needs. But now, together, we’ve made the decision, which came from patience – more so on my part – and again, more so on my part – learning to be with uncertainty – should he had not wanted another dog.
This beauty of growing and evolving together in our relationship and expressing our feelings and needs as we move forward in creating more memories. This indeed feels pretty sweet which came about because of two things we so often resist which are patience and uncertainty. But I can now say I’ve experienced in a new and deepening way.
XO
Barb
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