It used to be that every morning I’d tuck Gidget under my right arm, holding her like a football, and head out to my writing cottage, where I move through my ritual of centering myself for the day by meditating, practicing yoga, and journaling.
These days all is the same, but one thing is different and it has been for quite awhile now. Gidget more often than not stays behind to sleep either in her bed in the living room or in the kitchen.
It occurred to me some time ago that perhaps I wasn’t honoring what she truly wanted. From my first dachshund, Frankie, to Joie, who was only with me a short time, it was what I did since 2009 when my writing cottage was first built – a dachshund tucked under my arm as I sauntered out to my special space.
As I reflect on this need to have a dog beside me, in many ways a security blanket, like Linus in the Peanuts cartoon who always had to have his blanket.
When Gidget came to live with John and me, I wanted a companion dog in the sense I wouldn’t be sharing her with others like I did with Frankie as a therapy dog team and visiting schools, and as I had tried to with Joie also. I was ready to let go of that phase in my life.
With each dog, I’ve grown in ways I couldn’t have predicted. Gidget being just my companion dog and what I wanted, I also sensed in her a streak of independence when I first met her. But for the first few years, struggling with my own identity, I didn’t always honor her to be who she needed to be. It wasn’t something I did consciously.
But I see it more clearly now. While at first it made me sad that Gidget wasn’t with me during this time in the morning I consider so sacred, I now find myself with a new understanding of her, as well as myself.
Perhaps in a way, Gidget’s choice to stay behind as I make my way out to my writing cottage is her way of honoring my needs – sensing something I couldn’t first see. That time truly alone in my own space as important for me and my growth. And time for her to be alone as important to her well-being too.
The sadness I first felt has since been replaced with feeling good about honoring Gidget’s needs in this way. I also feel gratitude overtake my heart for her teaching of helping me to become even stronger in who I am, guiding me to let go of an old story, and relish in the parts of me that are emerging that welcome my own independence.
She truly is such a remarkable animal guide for me and I see that more and more everyday. I can’t help but think that when I return into the house today, I will bring my hands together in front of my heart, and say to her “Namaste – “The divine in me honors the divine in you.”
And with that, Namaste to each of you too…and thank you for being a part of my community.
XO,
Barbara
