dog wisdom

How I Stopped Comparing My Dog Joie, to My Deceased Dog, Frankie

Posted by Barbara Techel
How I Stopped Comparing My Dog Joie, to My Deceased Dog, Frankie
JOIE

Last week in celebration of the release of my new book, Wisdom Found in the Pause – Joie’s Gift I did my first ever live event on Facebook. I was quite nervous, but afterwards I received such wonderful feedback from many – it made it all very well worth it and I’m so glad I  took the plunge. If you didn’t have a chance to watch live, you can view the recording here.

But one question I got, which I think is important to expand on is this one from viewer, Sharon: “How did you resolve your issue of comparing Joie to Frankie?”

I do write about this in Wisdom Found in the Pause, but what I came to understand is that I had so closely tied my identity to Frankie and all my work with her, that when she died, I felt like I had lost my sense of purpose.  And we all know how so many of us search a for what seems a good long time to find our purpose – and many that feel they never find one.

Even though I’d been feeling this nudge to expand, I didn’t quite know what that looked like. So it felt more comfortable to think I’d continue to do what I’d always done, instead of marinating in the feelings I was experiencing that I was being called to end the chapter I defined as “Frankie.” While I truly wanted another special needs dachshund to love and care for, what wasn’t clear was how I was going to move forward now that Frankie was gone.

Many of you know I adopted Joie four months after Frankie’s passing and I was so happy to have a little one to care for again. As the days started to unfold I was having a hard time feeling a bond with her, or feeling deeply connected, like I had with Frankie.

What I did was reach out to my friend, Dawn, who is an animal communicator. She had helped me before with Frankie and I felt confident she could do the same with Joie.

While I don’t want to give it all away (and you can read more in my new book), it was during the reading with Dawn that I had the courage to admit I knew I was comparing Joie to Frankie.  It wasn’t that I was really doing it consciously, but rather subconsciously. And the issue was really all about me. I was having a hard time letting go of Frankie and what was. I needed to let things evolve organically with Joie and let her be her own dog. I truly wanted what was best for her and wanted more than anything for her to feel loved, safe and nurtured.

In many ways I owed this to Joie – but I also owed it to myself to see the truth of what was transpiring. And the beauty of one of the many gifts that Joie brought to my life. She helped me to see that I could let go and move forward – that I could expand on who I was and it would all be okay.

Every dog arrives in our lives to teach us something – arriving at just the right time – and I knew it was up to me to open myself fully to the lessons Joie was here to teach me, not only so she herself could live a happy and quality life while here – but that Frankie could rest in peace – and I could live more from the truth of who I am.

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Tomorrow I’ll be sharing a link to auhtor, Jackie Bouchard’s blog, PoochSmooches. We did a recent Q & A about my book, Wisdom Found in the Pause, and one of the questions I enjoyed answering is this one:

  1. I really related to the quote from Sue Bender (p108) to “practice feeling good where you are.” I have to continually remind myself of the lesson from our angel Abby – to live in the moment. I think this is such a great lesson for everyone, no matter where you are in life. Can you expand on how you practice feeling good about where you are?

I hope you will stay tuned for my answer!

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Vanity Lesson from Wisdom of Dog

Posted by Barbara Techel

Vanity Lesson from Wisdom of Dog

Dogs and vanity — those two words don’t really belong together. That is the beauty of one of the lessons we can learn from them.

Last month, Gidget had to have six teeth pulled. Last year she had 15 pulled, which now leaves her with only half her teeth.  Dachshunds, unfortunately can be notorious for bad teeth, even if one is due diligent in brushing them.

I’ve had to fight Gidget since day one of adopting her to brush those teeth of hers. It’s not a pleasant experience for either of us. She somewhat tolerates a dental wipe I now use for her.

But with the last dental it looked like one of her lower canines needed to come out. My vet said he didn’t like to have to pull those if it didn’t need to be.

I asked why, and he told me because that is what holds a dogs tongue in. Without it, Gidget’s tongue would fall out to the side on occasion. I said, ” Is that bad?”  Meaning, could it cause her pain or something I wasn’t aware of.

He said it is strictly cosmetic. I said, “That’s it?”

He shared with me that many clients don’t want their dogs tongue to hang out. I grinned and said, ” Really?  Well, I think you know that wouldn’t bother me.” He smiled.

It made me think about vanity in our world and all the cosmetic surgery that happens on a daily basis. While some is truly needed, I think so much of it is done for the wrong reasons. And honestly, it makes me sad to think of how (especially women) have bought into what our culture has defined as how they should look.

And by all means, I am not perfect and have my days of wishing I had more of ” this”  or less of “that.”  But it’s never been worth it to me risk going under the knife.

Gidget’s tongue hanging out to the side had me revisiting how I felt the day my dachshund, Frankie became paralyzed in 2006.  How I worried what others would think that I had a dog in a wheelchair.

How I came to realize it was really all my “stuff” and none of hers.  I’d come to learn she didn’t see a wheelchair as a negative, as humans can tend to do. But it was a tool that helped her live a quality life. She was still the same Frankie. Her wheelchair changed nothing about her.

But it changed so much for me. I started to treat myself better. My inner talk of beating myself up became less and less. I started to accept myself for who I am. I came to understand more and more that I am not my body. It is just the house that provides a place for my soul to reside for now. And it’s my spirit, that when I take care of it, shines through in a beautiful way.

And so it was with Frankie and her back legs not working, and is now with Gidget and her endearing little pink tongue that hangs out to the side.

But she is still Gidget – the sweet, loving, independent, sometimes stubborn, endearing little dog that she always was and will always be. The spirit of who she is comes shining through whether her tongue is hanging out or not.

I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my life, I am going to be with me and I don’t want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop being my own critic. It’s high time that I accept all the great things about me.”  -C. JoyBell

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Cycles of Life. A Writers Life. My Life.

Posted by Barbara Techel
Writing has so many cycles like life - I'm in the waiting game right now.
Joie and Me. Summer of 2013.

I was thinking about the cycle of life today. How things come and go. Another Mother’s Day has come and gone. Spring, for the most part, has sprung, and before we know it, we will be in the heat and humidity of summer.

The cycle of life, how at times speeds by, but then other times feels like it is crawling slowly along like a snail.

My manuscript for Wisdom Found in the Pause, my second memoir, has been with my editor almost three months now.

A book that took me over three years to get to the point of feeling comfortable and handing it over to my editor. A hurdle I wasn’t sure I’d be able to jump. But yet, I did.

Just like many things in life, there are always hoops to jump through. Some we can do without a thought, some we ponder for what seems eternity.

It felt that way, writing my second memoir, like trudging through very thick muck at times. My own fear and questioning if it was “good enough” was the mud I was trying to see through.

My vision for it not quite clear yet, as I still have some doubts. But I’m hopeful with my editor’s feedback I will find that opening of freedom all writers strive for- that moment they know without a shadow of doubt the book that won’t not let them rest, will make its way out into the world.

Writing has so many cycles like life – the idea for a book – the endless hours of writing – the courage summoned to release it to an editor – the thoughts that invade at the oddest times- the wrestling of doubt, fear, and questioning during the waiting game.

I’m in the waiting game right now, which for awhile was a comfortable place to be. I was relieved to let my manuscript go to my editor when I did in February, and take a break from it. There comes a point when you just have to do this in order to make it better.

But now, I find myself in the not-being-so-patient process of wanting to know that all my devotion and hard work can actually be a book I release to my audience.

Waiting for confirmation from my editor that the manuscript, which will no doubt need lots more work, but hope I rest in the arms of that it is doable.

And the place in the cycle I am now is that I am eager to get back to work on whipping it into the shape. But I must wait.

And I envision when I can say it is complete…and I can let it go…and it moves out into the spaces and places it needs to go.

But now, in this moment, suspended in time, hanging slightly off balance, I await the fate of what it will actually be.

Not yet fully knowing, but leaning heavily into my faith that a divine plan is already in place.

And just like I had to do when things unfolded so rapidly in my dachshund, Joie’s, short-lived life with me, of which I write about in this book. How it seemed to spin way too fast, but yet stopped me dead in my tracks when I had to make a gut wrenching decision to do what I felt was best for her.

How that decision led to the next phase which was a period of transition for me – and that was a whole process of cycles too. And a cycle I had fought against the whole year before. Until I knew I had to look it straight in the face or let it continue to disrupt my inner world.

Days come and go. We create, struggle, fly high, let go, look back, look forward, and search for peace in-between…where peace is always faithful in that it resides here always beckoning us to see that this is truly the only cycle that matters.

And so it is.

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