grief

Gidget’s Winter Perch and The Blessing of Acceptance

Posted by Barbara Techel

gidget's winter viewDuring much of the winter months, Gidget (as all other wiener dogs before her) get the luxury of a new perch to sit upon and enjoy a new view.

It is bitterly cold today, windchills of -20 and expected to be this way all week, getting even colder on Wednesday.

Even though my writing cottage is quite cozy and kept warm with my petite Heat ‘N Glow fireplace, there can still be a chill that comes through with the winds, especially felt on the floor.

“The Queen,” also known as Miss Gidget, can not be subjected to that chill that runs across the floor, so her bed is moved to higher headquarters upon my large wicker chair in the corner (Hail the Queen!). Here she is able to bask in the sun streaming through the windows. I love being able to glance over at her as I sit at my writing desk working, knowing she is happy and warm.

It feels incredibly good to have the holidays a memory as I move into the New Year and a new view of acceptance that has finally graced my heart. A fresh new start this week and I’m enjoying the solitude and stillness of this quiet season of winter.

I feel like I am finally on my way to feeling more like myself again. I’m welcoming it with open and grateful arms.

It was a tough fall. One in which I moved through the grief of a friendship lost. While this friend didn’t pass away, it has felt like  a death to me, because of what sadly transpired between us, with both of us going our separate ways.

While I don’t know if we will ever come back together again, I am finally able to take what it was, and find many blessings from it.

I’ve not written about this before in my journal, but hinted at a challenge I’d been working through in my newsletter a few times. I also won’t go into the details, because as always, there are two sides to a story (and as most likely always occurs, a misunderstanding that went astray).

But the point of me sharing this today is that with any struggle or heartache, there are lessons to be learned and blessings to be found in the challenge.

For awhile, I had a hard time finding the blessings, and when I did, I was struggling with the why of it – wondering why it had to be so painful in order for new blessings to reveal themselves.

I questioned, if I had to do it over again, would I have done so because of the positive that did come from it, knowing I’d have to endure the pain? The answer to that is that I can’t answer that. What happened, happened for a reason – time for me to accept and move on.

And this morning as I briskly ran out to my writing cottage, Gidg snuggled in my arms in a blanket, and as I sat down at my desk, I felt a shift inside.

We’ve only got one shot at this thing called life. I want mine to be the best it can be. I understand more clearly now that difficult and sad things happen to open us even more to appreciating our time on this earth. Without those hard times, we wouldn’t really know joy – true, pure joy.

We also wouldn’t know what we truly want for our life if we weren’t challenged by it at times.

I love my simple life. I love much of my time that is spent in my writing cottage pecking away at my keyboard, sharing my thoughts via my journal and newsletter. Time spent on dreams of new projects. Time spent in contemplation and reflection. Time spent on snuggling with my dogs. Time spent with my Johnnie talking about our tiny house someday we want to build in a warmer climate.

Time– that’s the thing, I don’t want to waste it worrying about something that was and may never be again. I give thanks right here and now in this moment for times that were hard to bear, but I made it through. I stand stronger today. I stand in this moment glad to be alive and have the life I love.

As always, feel free to leave a comment…I welcome them!

New Beginnings. More Time Alone.

Posted by Barbara Techel

10383947_10154383231150607_2098441628179649764_nSo many new beginnings have occurred lately. Along with beginnings, this is oftentimes accompanied by endings, which aren’t always easy.

For years, John had a crew of three working for him in his construction business. Last year we lost two of our employee’s.  One ready to move into another line of work and the other left to work for another contractor. Both had been with us for over ten years.

Then a month ago our third employee, who is one of the hardest working guys I’ve ever met, gave his notice. The construction field can have its challenges. We can’t afford to pay employee’s health insurance and an experienced carpenter caps out on the pay scale at some point.

Time for a new beginning for John, but actually what feels like a full circle moment for us. When he began his business over 20 years ago he was on his own. But when things got so busy, he brought on employee’s.

Then the economy crash of 2008 was very rough.  I’m not complaining, just saying how it is and how you come to new points of view in your life.

While it has not fully recovered in some ways, John has decided to go it on his own again. He has worked hard to build a great name for himself so he can now take jobs that he wants, while not always having to chase for more sales to keep a crew busy.

With everything there is adjustment and John is in transition as our employee’s last day is tomorrow.

As I was thinking about this the other day I all of a sudden felt lonely.  I’ve been home since 1994, having started out helping John in the business working in the office. I ventured out on my own in 2007 with my writing and my school visits with Frankie.

Even though we were coming and going out of the house, about once or twice a week we’d have lunch together at the kitchen table, or steal away on a Friday for a bite to eat.

As I think about this new beginning, John will be on the job site often, which means much more less time at home. While I always try to focus on the positive, I did have a moment of sadness and feeling this impending loneliness of not seeing him as often.

But I believe that all is working out just as it should be. For years John has been giving thought to this transition as we get older so you just have to think that the Universe is working to help him make these changes.

And if I find myself impending the new change and sad about not seeing John as much, I remind myself that he is still here with me on this earth.  This reminder all too real as my mom lost her husband a little over two weeks ago. She is in a transition of her own with no one coming home at the end of the day.

So while it is normal to grieve what was and move through those feelings, it is also important to be thankful for what we have. My mom and her recent loss is my tap on the shoulder and call to my heart to give thanks for the many blessings that I have.

And as my mom says often, “There is a season for everything.” In many ways it feels like a welcome slowing down in our lives as we move into this new change, and a new season to see what gifts they will bring.

And last but not least, I’m never alone, as I’ve always got my sidekicks Gidget and Kylie to keep me company – two huge blessings that I love!

Writing to Heal the Heart.

Posted by Barbara Techel

won't you play with me oct 2012One of my favorite photos of Joie. October 2012.

Yesterday  on my blog, I shared how I just couldn’t bring myself to write on Monday. While I am pretty disciplined for the most part, there are days when I just don’t want to write. Even though I don’t feel as good when I don’t write, I accept this and know I’ll return to my writing.

I’m 41,368 words into my book, Joie’s Gift. I’m finding it interesting that when I began this book, I wondered if I’d have enough to make a complete book. Now I’m thinking perhaps I may have too much as I’ve not even gotten to part of the story that was the very reason I began this book. But ah, yes, the editing stage will eventually come, so will see what transpires from that. For now my job is to keep writing. Get it all out. Leave nothing behind.

After I wrote two chapters today it suddenly occurred to me why I may have not wanted to write on Monday. What I wrote about today is about when Joie had to go to a neurosurgeon. For those that know part of Joie’s story from reading my blog, you know this was a difficult time. I had a heart wrenching decision to make in August of 2013 – one I never saw coming. But then, do we ever really see these coming?

As I wrote about this time in my life, the words flew effortlessly from my mind through my fingers and onto the blank page of my laptop. The cursor didn’t have a chance to blink!

When I was done, I looked out my window next to my writing desk, and the tears seemed as if they came out of nowhere. As hard as that decision was to let Joie go, I realized writing about it, that it was absolutely the right thing to do. It confirmed for me once again, that I did the right thing. But how interesting we carry doubt in our heart even when we think we have let go.

Writing about this time in my life, I realize is another layer of healing for me. Another chance to let go and trust that everything unfolded out just as the Divine had planned. I never had any control over the situation. But I did have control over how I moved forward and and I allow myself these moments to continue to unfold as part of my healing process. Writing is therapeutic for me and part of that process.

Writing about emotionally difficult times clears the way for my heart to open even more. To let out what needs to go and to let in what needs to come next. To experience more of life. To expand. To know that this is exactly right where I am to be in this moment in time.