It was dark when I set out on my early morning walk. Stepping out the front door I wanted to head west down the path I always go which winds past a small wooded area. But I hesitated because there are no streetlights and I felt fear once again rise inside of me.
I can’t tell you how often I’ve taken a different route over the years when the path I love is black. But today this voice inside me said, “I can do this,” and so I acted on it before I chickened out.
Recalling something a woman recently said when we feel fear, “Act as if you own the place,” that’s exactly what I did as I headed into the wind and down the dark path.
It was exhilarating as I marched down, and then up and around that passageway I’ve taken hundreds of times, but never in the dark. When I reached the top I said out loud, “I did it!” Perhaps a small thing to others, but for me conquering this fear of walking past the woods in the dark was big.
As I continued on my walk the streetlights along the side of the road now lit my way as I walked past the elementary school. I watched as a car traveled down the road and then veered to the left to avoid something in the street.
As I got closer I realized it was the dragon! It was deflated and laying in a heap in the cold. My heart went out to it.
This same dragon I’ve encountered on my daily walk since mid-September who even in the wee hours of the morning is breathing fire at me as I walk by. But I’m never afraid of him because I know that inside he is a gentle creature.
I gathered the dragon up in my arms and carried him the half block home where I gently placed him on the front porch. I silently said, “Don’t worry dragon, you’ll be up and breathing fire again soon.”
As I continued on my walk I wondered why it was I was feeling such empathy for a dragon that wasn’t real— but made of plastic— and when plugged in it rises to its full height of over six feet because of air pumping through it— and it breathes fire on anyone who is walking by.
The excitement grew in me as I moved along my route and through our small town. I began to link together my fear of walking down the dark path and then having conquered it and then coming upon the deflated dragon.
We all have fears within us and how often that can stop us from living to our full potential. At times we protect ourselves by unconsciously lashing out at others or beating ourselves up inwardly. Like the dragon spewing fire to show his fierceness as a way of perhaps protecting himself and not revealing who he really is.
I realized how fire can be viewed in a positive way as fuel to what it is we need to conquer or how it can propel us forward when we follow our passion even though we may feel fear at the same time.
I thought about astrology and my rising sign is in Aries, which is a fire sign. How often I’ve given thanks for having this as my rising sign because it has been what has helped me move forward at times in my life even when I’ve felt fear.
I thought of myself as that deflated dragon laying in the road and all these years my fear of walking down that path in the dark. But today, something shifted within me, and I was fueled by a fire that had eluded me before this and this particular fear.
It’s been many people and animals along my path in life that have been my support and guides, along with the inner work I’ve done and continue to do, that little by little I can overcome more and more fears.
By rescuing the dragon today and helping him home I in-turn realized how I rescued myself by taking on my fear this morning. This returned me home to that safe place within me— a place that is always there and welcomes me home with love every time.
So I bow in deep gratitude to the dragon—and though some may view him as not real—he is real to me—just as that fear of walking in the dark was—but now it no longer is.
xo,
Barbara
P.S. the above dragon totem is one I purchased a few years ago as I deepened in my practice of personal mastery. He is my reminder that I can continue to conquer my fears.
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