meaningful life

Moved to Tears at the Grocery Store Today

Posted by Barbara Techel

Spring

Photo credit

As I pulled into a parking spot of Piggly Wiggly, a purple car pulled up next to me. A woman with a lavender knit cap on and a purple fleece jacket smiled at me. It is in the low 60s and I was wondering why this woman had such a warm hat on.

At first I didn’t recognize her. As she began rolling down the window of her car, I then realized it was someone I had worked with at a local resort years ago.

Jeanne has always had the most beautiful smile. We walked together to the front of the grocery store, standing outside and catching up.

In 2011 she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was a smoker. The cancer moved to her brain. She had screws and plates put in her head and has had a lot of radiation.

She told me the fact she is still alive today is because of so many people all over the world praying for her. She calls her doctor, who told her it’s not if the tumors will come back in her brain, but a matter of when, Dr. Doom and Gloom. She tries to not take him too seriously.

I sat in awe of this amazing spirit of Jeanne standing in front of me as she told me how grateful she is to still be here. And that she knows where she is going someday and isn’t afraid.

She shared with me some sadness she experienced, of which she really has never experienced much sadness. And yes, from what I knew of her from working with her, she was always happy and laughing. She still is. I believe that is the reason she still is here – because of her positive attitude.

But her sadness one day, while she wasn’t sure what it was at first, finally came to her. She was sad for her two children – still in their teenage years. She felt guilty for being sick and that they have to endure this. She’d do anything to not have them feel the pain of this.

She called her pastor’s wife and shared with her how she was feeling. As she was telling me this, I wondered what on earth the pastor’s wife could possibly say to help Jeanne through this and make her feel better.

She said, “Jeanne, who do those children belong to?”

Jeanne knew right away and said, “God.”

And with all the compassion in the world the pastor’s wife said, “That’s right. And don’t you think God will take care of them for you?”

I was moved to tears. Not only because I believe this to be true, but also the profound strength and courage that Jeanne is. Though she is very humble and wants none of the credit for that. She told me it is God. Not her.

She sees Him as using her to be this vessel of inspiration that she is to many, including me.

I drove home feeling as if I had just encountered a part of God myself. And I did, really. He put Jeanne in my path to put life all back into perspective again.

She told me she knows her days are numbered – but we both agreed – do we really even know that?  We don’t.

I have a feeling ten years from now I’ll be running into her at the grocery store again.

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Park Bench Promise

Posted by Barbara Techel

park benches

I’ve been itching to be outside, going for walks. Yesterday it was in the upper 20s. While I realize that may sound very cold to others, it was welcome here where we have been below zero for a good part of February.

Mother Nature seems to have flip-flopped January and February because we should be in the mid 30s for this month. But yesterday, I got Kylie and Gidget out for a short walk. Neither like to walk too far, and Gidget really can’t go all that far because of her IVDD.

After I walked the girls, I dropped them off and continued on for a longer walk alone. This morning was below zero again and the wind is supposed to pick up later today making it feel colder as the day goes on.

I thought about using the excuse of the cold as a good reason for not walking, even though I didn’t want the weather to stop me either. I was going back and forth in my head, lying in bed.

But then I thought about the book I just finished reading, Walking Home: A Pilgrimage from Humbled to Healed and how author Sonia Choquette walked 500 miles in 30 days walking the famous Camino de Santiago. Most days she walked in pouring rain.

That was enough to motivate me to get outside and start walking. My mind so inspired I walked down to the lake (my body may regret this later on!). I hadn’t walked down there in quite some time.

How lovely to come across the park benches sitting in the snow, looking out over the lake. As if a promise, that soon, before we know it, sounds of children splashing in the water will be heard, boats skimming across the lake will echo off the shoreline, and dogs prancing happily down the brick path will cause people to pause and smile.

Images of people sitting upon the benches eating their ice cream cones, reading a good book, or gazing in meditation out into the still blue waters of Elkhart Lake filled my mind and suddenly I realized I had forgotten all about the cold.

Lost in my own meditation from my early morning walk. Now that is what it is all about. I’m so glad I ventured out.

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Who Says it Has to Be this Way?

Posted by Barbara Techel

g and flowers e

Maybe it was the poem I read last night by Mary Oliver, What I Can Do that inspired me to follow my impulse today, which then led to another impulse to write this journal post.

I’ve been working on a writing project on and off since November 2013. Making more progress with it lately which has me feeling so alive and eager to greet each day.

This morning after finishing my ritual of standing in front of my mandala, reviewing my desires for the year and conditions I wish to live by, I then picked one of my SoulCollage cards from my deck, an angel card and then an animal card. I posed my question to the cards and found answers in them that lit me up inside.

This does not always happen and I have to search deeper for the meaning, but when it feels so right on and so clear, well, that to me, is magical… and inspiring.

I did my yoga practice and as I was moving through each pose I heard my inner voice suggest that after I was done I should go right to my writing desk and work on my writing project. It felt so freeing to think this. But then the other part of me, who is so conditioned to follow “rules” of which I’ve for the most part imposed on myself, showed up.

And the loop began, “You can’t write first. You have to first get ready for the day, put your make up on, curl your hair, eat your breakfast,” and on and on the list went of what I normally do – my normal routine.

Thank goodness my free will side was stronger today and it was having nothing of what my conditioned self was trying to tell me.

I fought back. “What do you mean I have to do those things first?  Who says? I want to write first. Who cares if my hair isn’t curled or I don’t have make up on. Really, does that matter?  I want to follow this impulse and see where it goes.”

I was challenging that part of myself that has to always have things in a neat orderly fashion and it felt incredibly liberating to know I was going to follow through on what was calling me to do.

And I did it. I rolled up my yoga mat and immediately plunked my butt in my chair. My fingers flew across the keyboard, much like they are right now, eager to share my voice with the page.

There are so many “rules” and how society says we should live our lives that our inner voice gets lost in all the noise. I don’t want to live like that. I want a life that is meaningful to me. One that matters most to me.

What I can do is follow the path that is right for me. What I can do is live from the heart and center of who I am. What I can do is be an example of what it means to follow our impulses and see where it can lead us.

While there may not be fireworks going off in the sky announcing that yes, Barbara Techel, just went against the “rules,” and followed what felt right to her, I must say that there a is a welcome and warm fire burning inside of me that feels delicious.

That flow of life, that when you are in it, you never want it to leave. But I won’t worry about that now. Because what I can do is ride this wave. Enjoy it. Savor it. Recall it when I need for next time my conditioned self tries to win a battle.

What I can do is life by my own inner light of desires.

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Though it is expected to be well below average in temps this week and another blast of cold air on it’s way Wednesday and Thursday, what I can do is think Spring — and so the photo of Gidget above I share from last summer after a successful day shopping at our local Farmer’s Market.

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