So it was nine years ago that I started this little old thing called a blog/website as a way to share my writing with others.
Looking back, I see I jumped through many hoops of moments of fear. Many blog posts later, two children’s books, one memoir, and a how to book for authors published, I’m still enjoying the ride.
I feel incredibly blessed for this journey and look so forward to what is in front of me now and what still lies ahead.
Some of my writing companions when home in my Zen writing cottage
I had time to kill between an early morning meeting Tuesday at a coffeehouse before my scheduled talk with a book club two and half hours later at the same place.
Taking advantage of getting some writing done away from home I settled into a spot with my laptop on a small table and looking out over the river. The winds were howling and leaves danced outside the large glass windows as I held a hot cup of orange blossom tea to warm my hands and insides.
As much as I wanted to work on my book, Wisdom Found in the Pause, I found myself procrastinating. It was also my 31st wedding anniversary and I was feeling the pull to write a blog post about it – a thought having just flickered across my mind.
I honored my impulse and after sharing my post on Facebook, I got caught up in what else was happening in the world according to Facebook.
A few moments later I looked up to see a gentleman I know coming down the stairs from the loft that is part of the quaint coffeehouse.
I waved and he walked over. We chatted a few moments about life in general and he asked me if John was busy with his construction business. He then asked me if I was working on a new book. I told him, that yes, I am.
While I don’t know him all that well, the few times I’ve had the pleasure of talking with him, he is one of those people who really listens when someone talks. I’ve just always sensed that in him and it’s such a gift.
I shared with him how it is two years this month since I began, taking me longer to finish than my other books have.
He said, “Well, I imagine, writing the way you do, sharing your feelings and thoughts which are so personal, it can’t always be easy and takes time to work through.”
I swear he was reading my mind as this has been how I’ve felt writing this book, even more so than my first memoir.
He offered the advice that he felt this was likely part of the process as a way in which I worked – getting comfortable in writing what I have and getting ready to feel comfortable in releasing it for others to read.
He was spot on. As I’ve written recently here I’m understanding more about my own process and getting comfortable in what is right for me – not necessarily how others may write or publish – but how it fits for me.
I also often revisit why I write. While yes, I never want to lose money publishing, and of course, as most people who write a book would like to make a little money from sales, I write because it is how I process things.
If what I write can help another person, well, that is what makes my work most fulfilling and rewarding. When this occurs, it lights me up inside to keep on going.
After we said our goodbyes and he walked away, I found I could hardly wait to open the folder on my laptop that contains my manuscript.
I realized then that he was a messenger sent to encourage me. And in doing so my procrastinator had no choice but to get up and move on.
His words of wisdom soothed this writers heart and were just what I needed to get my fingers flying across the keyboard once again.
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Writing and publishing can oftentimes feel vulnerable, which I see now as part of the process — and part of life no matter what. I’m honored to share a piece I wrote called “Vulnerability: A Gift to be Embraced” published on this month on a wonderful site, Rumblstrips.
This writing thing and my own process has taken me just about ten years to be comfortable with. While I love to write, I was always looking for thee method that would make me feel like a real writer.
You know… those you put on a pedestal and think they lead this all so glamorous life and their writing flows out the end of their fingertips with no effort what-so-ever?
When I began sharing my writing with others, first via a column in a local paper, then my blog, and four books that have followed, I got caught up in trying to find the right way to do this and the one that would make it feel effortless.
I’ve read oodles of blogs, articles, and books about the creative process. Oftentimes I’d follow the advice of one author or another thinking this was it – this was thee way. But it would fall to the way side eventually. Nothing stuck.
But I kept at it, and I keep at it. What does my process look like? More importantly, what does it feel like? It’s messy and it causes lots of ups and downs of a roller coaster of emotions in my life!
But I’m not quitting.
As I near the end of the fourth draft of my second memoir, Wisdom Found in the Pause, I see that writing for me is so much about working through my own time and my own process. In other words, I gave up trying to buy into what others are doing that works for them.
It has nothing to do with how other writers write or their own process. There truly is no right or wrong way to do this.
The only way is to keep working at it. Keep trying it on for size.
I realized today that I started working on my current manuscript two years ago this month. And for many of those 730 days I found myself internally beating myself up wondering why I don’t yet have a published book.
Today I cut myself a huge piece of slack cake! Because I really understand now that this book wasn’t meant to be born yet. I see it so clearly as I continue to revisit and edit what I’ve written to date.
In large part, I’ve been working through my own inner process of healing and capturing in my everyday life what I’ve learned from the over 55,000 words I’ve written so far. It’s taken me this time to do just that.
But I’ve never stopped writing.
That’s the thing. Writing helps me to process life. To process what I’m feeling. To help me heal. To bring me to another level of awareness. To get comfortable with where I was, and where I’m going, and then share what I’ve discovered with others when that right time feels right for me.
What a new level of awakening this is for me today and it feels pretty dang good. And I do think I shall have to post this particular post next to my writing desk for that day, which oh yes, will no doubt come again…when I question my own process….because it is part of the process of a creative life!
