memoir

Honoring the Summer Solstice on the Lakefront with Whale

Among the sounds of church bells, IndyCars racing around the Road America track, boats humming across the lake, and kids on bikes, I sat on a bench at the lakefront in our small town of 950 people. Summer is here for the most part and alive with many tourists visiting our small legendary village. It’s been a little unseasonably cool. But today it’s in the low 70s, with the wind coming from the east off the big body of Lake Michigan, which sometimes puts a little chill in the air.

Summer Solstice is here. It’s also been seven years today since my dachshund, Frankie – known somewhat famously as the Walk ‘N Roll Dog, passed on.

With this being the longest day of light I love to think of an image of Frankie in my mind of one I had in meditation two years ago. After we met up on the beach and had a lovely connection in my meditation, I watched as she rolled away down the beach as if into the sunset. Not in a hurry, but the epitome of savoring every precious moment.

Always a sweet reminder for me to do the same. So around mid-day, I took my journal and oracle cards and rode my bike down to the lakefront—about two miles from my house— to pick cards in honor of the summer solstice and what it was I needed to know.

One card that comes up often for me in my personal readings is from the Spirit Animal Oracle deck and that of Whale Spirit. Sometimes I sigh in a bit of frustration as the message on the front says, “Trust the Mystery.” Sometimes I just want to know things! This is human nature of course.

But as I sat looking out onto the water, appreciating the slower pace of summer, Whale helped remind me to go with the flow too. Sometimes I feel in this liminal space wondering what’s ahead instead of just being curious and open to life to just unfold.

Yesterday I finished writing the afterword and updated the last round of edits and suggestions from beta readers for my manuscript—my third memoir—I’m Fine Just the Way I Am. It’s now ready to be sent off to the editor. Though I’ve not yet contacted her. I’m giving myself the weekend to simmer and make sure I feel it’s truly ready to go.

When I think back to how writing this book came to be, there were often times I had to be in that trusting of mystery space and how at times I really fought it. But now here I am. The manuscript is complete. In a way, it feels a bit surreal.

So I think about Whale Spirit guiding me now as the summer solstice is upon us and the days will grow shorter once again. 

When I read the guidebook for Whale this passage struck me: “Stay in present moment awareness and allow the Hidden Realms to hold your intentions safely until it is time for them to manifest in the Realm of form.” 

My memoir and all the emotion, time, and effort I put into it is still hidden from many. It will be a while yet before it takes form out in the world for others to read. So I love this reminder that when I feel fear about letting it go out into the world at some point, that my intention for writing it is to help others—and to trust the mystery that I can never truly know the impact it will have—but that it was something I felt called to do and I honored that calling.

Wishing you a Happy Summer Solstice and some time in reflection and contemplation…

XO,

Barbara

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This Gift Captures It All

Oh, the depth of heart within this artwork!

I cried hard as a smile slowly came across my face. This precious gift is from my mom and now hangs on my living room wall.

The picture in its entirety – I had to crop top one for Facebook requirements

Sometimes it’s hard to believe this is a complete chapter in our lives that lasted almost twenty years. A path I didn’t plan on taking but that I would end up caring for three special needs dachshunds.

I love gazing at this as a reminder to reflect on all the beautiful memories and profound teachings I gained from three sweet souls. I know with absolute truth that I wouldn’t be who I am today without Frankie, Joie, and Gidget. Nor would John.

I feel blessed to have captured the teachings of each of them in three memoirs, Through Frankie’s EyesWisdom Found in the Pause – Joie’s Gift, and the one I’m currently finishing, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am.

While I don’t know what the next chapter in my life will be, looking at this picture brings me into a space within my heart that feels gratitude…so much gratitude.

There’s really not much more I can say about this special gift because this is definitely a case where a picture speaks a thousand words (times three!!).

XO,

Barbara

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I Burned My Manuscript

Truth be told. I’ve had a few moments since Gidget has been gone that I have wondered what is even the point of completing my book – my third memoir.

An edited paper version of it that I marked up in red ink, and before feedback from my beta readers, has sat on my desk for a few months now. Yesterday I looked at it and wondered why I kept it. 

This morning, after my yoga practice and journaling with the SoulCollage® card I made in honor of Gidget (which I’ll share in a future post), I felt called to burn the manuscript. 

I placed it in the chiminea that sits on our deck. It has held a fire most weekend nights and often entices deep conversation and contemplation. Tearing the sections of the manuscript in half, and then half again, I threw them into the chiminea, doused it with lighter fluid, and threw in a match.

It was cathartic to watch it go up in flames. A ritual of letting go of how the manuscript began – painstakingly at times and then the last six months it flowed with much more ease.

Before Gidget left, the draft I was currently working on was close to being polished with feedback integrated from the beta readers and then it would be off to the editor.

But it all stopped when Gidget died. I couldn’t bring myself to open the unfinished document on my computer. Though it was only about a week after Gidget left that I knew there would be an afterword for my book. But I’ve had to just sit with the many thoughts of how I will write it.

I will complete the book. And yesterday, I began where I left off with the chapter on a dream I had that was pivotal to my healing last year.

All of how this has unfolded has been the process that has been meant to be for me. There is no right or wrong way to write a book. This has been a valuable teaching for me over the years since I began writing here on my blog and the books I’ve published. 

I’m much more interested these days in listening to my inner voice and letting go of how other’s say we “should” write. I want to continue to follow my flow of energy, honor it and trust that all is happening in just the right time.

Just as I sat down to write this post an email came into my inbox from a woman I recently gifted my first two memoirs. What a beautiful confirmation:

I honor and bless the little girl in you who has chosen in this lifetime to do so much healing. I sense you are healing from many past lives. Stand tall in your newborn knowledge of who you are. You are so needed to share your light with all whom you touch.

Your books are beautiful. Your gentle heart comes shining through. I wish you peace in your healing process.

There is so much amazing support that the universe offers us when we stay open to the possibilities.

And with that, I’m signing off to update the next chapter of my book, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am…

XO,

Barbara

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