pet loss

Heart Somersaults.

Posted by Barbara Techel

g enjoying the sun eI took this photo this past weekend. As I planted annuals and perennials, my garden fairy, a.k.a Gidget, was always close by.

Yesterday on my blog, I asked the question if pets grieve the loss of another pet. Many responded they felt that they do. I shared the post on Facebook also, where many chimed in. Thank you to everyone who shared stories and their thoughts on a topic that is clearly of interest.

I’m still pondering the question, to which there will likely never be a definitive answer — though I find myself leaning toward feeling that they don’t grieve as we do — not that they don’t feel or notice something has changed — but that they just go through it differently than we do, and perhaps some not at all. I would be curious an animal communicator view of this, and perhaps it can be something I discuss with my animal communicator friend at some point.

But this also got me to thinking about my own grief. It’s been six months since I adopted Gidget. Nine months since I said goodbye to Joie and almost two years since Frankie has been gone.

Grief which can be very personal and so deeply intense for we beings called human, but when joy finds you once again in the form of the love of another dog, I find myself in awe of how we always seem to make the transition.

I also know that some don’t or won’t. The loss too great to consider what it could mean for their heart to open up again and let in the love of another dog.

But this weekend, as Gidget spent much time with me outdoors, I felt my heart doing somersaults over and over again each time I glanced her way. You know, those feelings that all of a sudden come over you that are so magical and joyful that you feel as if you might squeal out loud?

I found myself once again grateful to have found the courage to open my heart again to the love of another dog. Each one, in their own unique and special way has taught me things I don’t think I would have otherwise learned. Each one with a special mission to be a part of my life. To bring me a new joy. To become a part of who I am.

Do Pets Grieve the Passing of Another Pet?

Posted by Barbara Techel

g outsideDo pets grieve the passing of another pet? My honest answer to that is that I truly don’t know. I’ve personally not experienced this with any of my dogs, but I’ve read where others truly believe their pet is grieving.

I’ve gotten emails now and then asking me how Kylie has dealt with the passing of Frankie and then Joie. If she was missing them, I didn’t witness it. I recalled after Frankie passed away, and then Joie ten months later, that when I posted a photo of Kylie shortly afterwards, some people said she looked sad – that she must be grieving. But honestly, Kylie just has that kind of face. Ever since she was a pup, people have said she looks sad. But from what I could tell and see, she didn’t seem to be at a loss with Frankie and Joie gone.

K emailed me today asking this question again wondering about Kylie and how she did after Frankie and Joie died. She shared with me that two months ago she lost her beagle mix due to complications of liver cancer. She was 14.5 years old. Her other dog, Pixie, a golden retriever who is 11 years old she said has been having a hard time without the beagle mix. She stated that Pixie has always been a momma’s girl and a “velcro pup” and that she relied on KC for her confidence. She said it now seems that Pixie is sad.

K has a two hour commute to work daily and getting another dog as others have suggested, does not feel right to her being that she is gone so much for her job. She felt that me being home more with Kylie is what helped Kylie with any difficulties when Frankie and Joie passed away. Again, I personally didn’t witness any difficulties for Kylie.

So while I don’t have a definitive answer to this and how to best help, I’ve come to see and understand something about animals I didn’t always see. I believe that our pets are often times a reflection of what is going on inside of us. If we are sad, they will pick up on that. If we are anxious, nervous, or concerned, they will pick up on that, too. Is this always the case? No, I don’t believe so. But I do think it is in more cases, than not. In Kylie’s case, I grieved deeply the loss of Frankie and Joie, but she seemed to be fine. Maybe another dog wouldn’t have been. I don’t know.

I don’t know that they grieve like humans do, but I do believe they feel things. They may miss the presence of a pet that was their companion. I also believe that animals aren’t afraid to die.

In regards to Kylie, I actually think she enjoyed the one on one time with me in-between the loss of Frankie and then Joie, before I adopted Gidget. But she has also been great in adapting each time I brought a new pup into the household.

So I know I’m not really answering the question directly, as I do believe we each know our pets best. If you feel they are sad, perhaps taking them for an extra walk or playing with them more often than usual will help them as they adjust. I also read an article where it said to keep their schedule to as normal as possible. This makes sense to me.

While K said to me she couldn’t afford to talk with an animal communicator right now, which is a suggestion of mine, I do strongly believe it can hold valuable insight not only for your pet, but for the pet owner, too. I’ve personally experienced animal communication in powerful ways that healed me in ways I never expected. I also believe that has helped me be a better person for my dogs.

You can certainly take to the Internet and ask this question via Google and get a wide variety of answers. But I come back to what I believe about pets and that they are here to help us be better people. This means being open to looking inside ourselves and what we may be reflecting out into the world that we may not even be aware of.

My other suggestion is to seek out a pet loss support group (check with your vet’s office). For years I was a volunteer for a local group in my area. While they are usually there to support humans through the grieving process, they may be able to offer resources or suggestions in regards to pets grieving the loss of another pet.

Lastly, I know there will be a huge differing of opinions to this question. But I also think it is a great time to be with the question and really look at it within your own life and what you can learn from it.

Pre-grieving your Pet. A New and Interesting Term to Me.

Posted by Barbara Techel

kylie on sofa sacked out eKylie sure does have it made!

A friend of mind sent me an email the other day about pre-grieving being a possible interesting topic for my blog.

She shared with me that for years before her 19-year old kitty died, she would cry about her dying someday. She would tell her how much she would miss her. She shared with me that she now does the same thing with her dog.

I never heard of the term pre-grieving before. But as I gave it more thought, I realized I did this with Frankie, more than any other pet I’ve had. I remember as I agonized over retiring her from her work, how hard it was. Seeing her slow down was really difficult. In part, it was because I didn’t want to think about what my life would look like when she was gone. Maybe this has to do with change, and how hard change is for many people. Of course, there seems to be so much more to the layers of this, too.

With Cassie Jo, my chocolate Lab, who passed in 2005, I knew she had limited time because of her bone cancer diagnoses. Thinking back, I tried hard not to worry, but there was always this looming question of “when” that day was coming. It was more palpable knowing there was no cure for her and the day I had to say goodbye was right around the corner.

With Joie, I really had no warning. It all happened so quickly. There was little time to pre-grieve, though as I think about driving home with her after knowing there really was nothing I could do for her, I was scared I was going to lose her. So I guess I was pre-grieving her, though the time was short for that process.

I wonder too in regards to Joie if the fact I had no time to pre-grieve is why it made her death seem so much harder for me.

I did a Google search and found that there is such a thing as pre-grieving.  Though it seems to be geared more toward when a pet or person is getting older, or a serious diagnoses has been made.

In a class I took today, a woman spoke of her daughter leaving for college in a year-and-a-half and how they are beginning to look at colleges. She is thinking about the day she has to let her daughter go off on her own, and it isn’t easy. In a sense, she is pre-grieving what is to come. I know many of my friends with children have had this very same experience.

I can only speak for myself, but I think pre-grieving has much to do with letting go. We are creatures of habit and don’t always accept change so readily.

When it comes to the pets in my life, they truly fulfill me. Thinking of them not here someday is difficult. They bring me so much joy, and losing that joy is tough.

The helpful article I came across is called Pre-Grief: The Gateway to Grace, written by Kim Eisen, Success Coach and Master of EFT.  In the article she says, “As a culture, we usually talk about grief in relation to death, but it is much more than that. Grief can start the moment you think something unpleasant might happen to you or is happening to you now. While experiencing this myself and with clients, it became so apparent that because grief may have already begun just with the thought that something may be lost, why not address it now? Even if the loss is or isn’t certain, the grief associated with it is still present.

To address this issue, I created a process called “Pre-Grief: Gateway to Grace.” By walking through the imagined loss prior to the event, while neutralizing the energy associated with it, it brings you to a higher state of grace when and if that event actually occurs. And, if it doesn’t occur, you have relieved the pain of the grief associated with the “not knowing” part of you that delves into the emotions of grief anyway.

This process can be done as soon as you have a thought about it and/or during the process of the cycle of grief.”

She goes on to say, “Grief is a normal process, but it doesn’t have to be painful or continue for long periods of time. It can be processed ahead of time. We’ve been told that you have to mourn for a certain length of time after the event to justify the loss or to express your loyalty to a person. I have come to find out this is absolutely NOT true after using this Pre-Grief process with myself and my clients.”

I really appreciate that Kim calls grief a “Gateway to Grace.” Isn’t that what we all want?  Whether it is pre-grieving or grieving how do we find grace in that,is I think, a powerful and profound way to look at it.

I know for me personally, with each dog that has passed, I’ve experienced moments of grace with them on the other side, which I’ve written about with the signs I’ve received from them. Those are truly my moments of grace when we have connected, me in this world, and they in a different realm.

Interesting topic, don’t you think?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and thank my friend for writing to me about this.

Click here to link to the rest of Kim’s article.