Kylie loved her toys. She had a whole basket full that resided in the kitchen where she could choose which one she wanted at any given moment.
This past year, the red heart, which had been at the bottom of the basket for quite a long time, all of a sudden, became one of her favorites.
The white bear was one I picked up about six months ago at a second-hand shop. It just called out to me to bring it home for her.
They now bring me some comfort as they rest on our bed. Though the presence of Kylie being gone is such a large void. Crawling into bed last night, my heart heavy with grief. I so wanted to hug her again.
Realizing it is #Giving day today I thought what better way than to celebrate not only giving, but giving in honor of someone you love and something that is meaningful to you.
Most of Kylie’s toys, except for the heart and bear, I am giving as a donation to a second-hand shop for another dog to love.
I tend to get overwhelmed with all the charities that need help because I wish I could help everyone.
Which to choose?
And then it came to me. I decided to donate to a local organization, Holyland Donkey Haven and Sanctuary, that rescues, rehabilitates, and teaches about donkey care.
Why donkey’s?
John and I always fondly referred to Kylie as our little donkey because of the way she sat on her haunches. While she wasn’t pessimistic like the donkey character, Eeyore, she did have that relaxed, laid back way about her and so often she just reminded us of a donkey. And also because of my love of donkeys and hoping that someday I can volunteer and help with them, as this is a dream of mine.
And so this becomes so meaningful as a way in which I could narrow it down and give what I could for this day of giving in memory of Kylie, who gave John and me so much…and it’s her beautiful heart and giving that will remain in our own hearts for eternity.
And in the spirit of giving, I want to say a grateful thank you to each of you that reached out to us and your generous giving of love and support with the loss of Kylie. Thank you so much. We are never alone in this journey of grief, as we have all walked this path more than once…and so your understanding helps as we journey forward.
A change was in the wind. And as life goes, we never know what exactly that change may be. I’m reflecting this morning on the animal card I pulled last week which was Fox, and her message to adapt to the changes that are a constant in life.
Little did I know my message in that Reading I shared with you was also going to be significant for me and John, and our dear sweet Kylie.
The temperature unusually warm, and the winds blustery, as Kylie and I entered the veterinarian clinic yesterday morning with concerns that she’d not finished eating her dinner on Thanksgiving, and turned away from her food a few hours earlier. Just as the weather unusual in Wisconsin for November, so was this not eating for Kylie.
After an exam by the vet, she thought perhaps Kylie’s arthritis was to the point that we needed to put her on a strong anti-inflammatory. Perhaps the pain was causing her not wanting to eat. First, blood work needed to be done in order to prescribe the meds.
I sat on the floor in the exam room with Kylie as we waited for the results. While I’d been sensing something lately, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, and also wishing it wasn’t what I thought perhaps it may be. I’d witnessed Kylie, while still eating her food daily, was eating in a slower pattern, and sometimes panting, though I thought perhaps it had to do with the warmer weather we’d been having. Her ability to jump into bed was also becoming a bit more challenging where she loved to snuggle with John every night.
At the age of twelve years old and one month, I knew our time was more limited than ever before with Kylie. While I’d managed her arthritis with advanced supplements and recently laser therapy, John and I had begun to have the tough discussion of how to handle her aging process in a dignified and graceful way. Heroic measures, meaning we would not let her suffer, would be taken should she be diagnosed with a terminal disease, or testing, probing and medications that would affect her quality of life.
After she’d not finished her food Thursday evening I was concerned. I sat beside her on the rug in the kitchen, petting her soft head. Silently I talked with her. I said, “Kylie, if you are feeling the need to move on, I’ll be okay. I want what is best for you.”
Before going to bed Thanksgiving evening, I surrendered to Spirit and said that I wanted what was in Kylie’s highest good, and that this wasn’t about me, but what was best for her.
As I stroked her fur sitting on that exam floor waiting for the blood work results, I, of course, hoped for the best. But when the vet came back in the room, shaking her head side-to-side, my heart began to beat faster.
Sliding down the wall, the vet knelt beside me, and shared with me that Kylie’s liver levels were over four times what is considered normal.
While in a way befuddled by the staggering high numbers, I also knew Spirit had guided us to this moment. This decision, though gut wrenching, also became one of peace, left with no doubt that helping her cross over to be among the stars was the right thing to do.
After I called John to come meet me at the clinic, I hugged Kylie so tight around her neck and spilled countless tears onto her soft fur. And then I became aware, remembering my last moments with Frankie. I wanted the same for Kylie, too. And so I talked to her.
I thanked her for being the steadfast rock she was for our family. She was only six months old when Frankie became paralyzed. And she would live her life helping me care for three disabled dachshunds. Never complaining and always going with the flow…even when it was met with many bumps in the road. She stayed steady and grounding.
In my mind I pictured her on a stage, like an olympic athlete ready to presented with a gold medal. And talking to her out loud, still hugging her around her neck, I presented to her the Best. Dog. Ever. Award. Because that she was.
The sweetest, kindest soul of a dog I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. How blessed and honored I am to have called her my friend.
Just before five o’clock last night, already dark, I walked to the bedroom to pull down the blinds on the patio doors. And between the branches of the large tree off our deck, the crescent moon caught my eye with clouds encircling it, swirling in a eerie, but mystical and comforting way.
The thought that Kylie was now among the stars entered my mind. I smiled and my heart felt comforted as I said silently, “I’ll love you always my dear girl. Always.”
Though there was a large void present last evening, and we will feel it for some time to come, John and I reflected on our many memories of Kylie. We laughed and we cried.
Before heading to bed, I turned to The Wisdom of the Oracle card deck I’m currently studying from in Oracle School. While I felt hesitant in one way to pull a card, the other part of me trusted it would be what I needed most.
Kylie was born on the 24th of October in 2005 and passed on the 24th of November of 2017. Taking two plus four equals six which is my favorite number, after shuffling the deck, I counted down six cards from the top.
Time for a Nap #24
While losing those we love is one of the toughest things we endure as human beings, along with making a decision we feel is most dignified and graceful even though gut-wrenching, Spirit showed me in that moment that life with all it’s many sorrows, also offers us magic beyond what we can even sometimes imagine. And we must trust and keep our faith that everything is perfect.
This card was confirmation of how the day unfolded and that the timing was exactly as it was meant to be that Kylie was called home to live among the stars…
The fox asleep in the crescent of the moon, and the moon, which I’d just been called to three hours before, thinking of Kylie. A change was indeed in the wind and fox reminded me what Kylie also taught me so well, that I must flow and adapt to changes in life and not get stuck or trapped in sadness.
And the message of this card not only for Kylie, who now naps in peace for eternity, but that it is time for me to also take a nap and a break. Caring for a senior dog, and three disabled dogs at different times for the past eleven years, while filled with much joy, has had me feeling very tired myself of late.
And while, I’d give anything to hug Kylie just. one. more. time… my faith has strengthened over the years to know that I can connect with her at anytime I want just by being present with that thought. And so she will always be with me.
And to all those who loved her…I say a grateful thank you for sharing your adoration and love of her with me. It is of great comfort to know how much she was loved.
I only knew Joie (pronounced Joey) for ten months. But my breath still caught in my chest this morning when I opened the box that contained her ashes. Joie passed away four years ago today.
After scattering Frankie’s ashes on the fifth year of her passing on June 21st this year, I knew I’d want to do the same for Joie.
So much has transpired in my growth and understanding since those two wheelie dogs blessed my life. I’ve come to understand from Frankie that if we can see our challenges in a positive way, we can evolve and learn so much from them. From Joie, I came to understand that in transition there are blessings if we can find the courage and strength to open to them.
Their ashes from the physical beings while they graced this earth, while I loved more than anything to hug them, hold them, and kiss them, I understand now more than before that their spirit lives on forever. What I once shared with them of so much love and joy is still here. All I have to do is sit in stillness and connect with them to feel that joy and love again that they brought to my life while they were here in physical form.
And the teachings…oh, the teachings they provided me. I feel so blessed for all I’ve learned from them. While we all learn the lessons of life in different ways, God knew for me that it would be the animals that would (and continue to!) help guide me. I still marvel at God’s work of creating all the animals!
So my dear Joie, I give you back to the earth, alongside Frankie, as you both now grace me with your presence in the wind, the sun, the rain, the blooming of flowers, and the ever transitioning of my gardens.
Thank you for being my friend.
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